4 fear that keep relationships evolve
Relations / / December 19, 2019
"The man is afraid of relations" - is a template in everyday use. Very simplified, and most importantly, hampering growth. Why? Because of his conviction of character. This phrase is heard despair, pain, hurt, reproach. Emotions are understandable, but whether such a position leads to the result? What self-respecting man will go to meet you, if the motivation hears about himself that he is a coward? No, you can build only loneliness, for the development of relations, they are not suitable to such phrases.
I would change the phrase. Let's say, on such a "partner in a relationship with me did not see its benefits." This is virtually the same, but, firstly, does not sound insulting. And secondly, it allows you to see the truth in the eye: the relationship - this exchange, and if one of the partners think that the exchange disparities, natural and logical response would be "fear" of relationship for him.
Relationship - market?
Me for this market approach all the time gets. They say that where there is love, there is no and can be no place for rough formula "you give me, I tell you." And in my opinion, so say the people who want to cheat by giving less and get more. Waving "love" as a bright cloth to distract from the essence of the question. Just imagine that such a champion of love at work told something like: "Who really loves company, the requires management to an 8-hour working day and adequate labor wages! "He would have immediately suspected that his bred. Why is the relationship he thinks differently? Maybe because in the relationship itself is not an employee, but the owner?
However, let's imagine that in the construction of your relationship you start from the concept of equal exchange, mutual needs and produce tangible benefits. Indeed, why do we need relationships, but in order to live better? And if so, in fact, we need a partner with the appropriate resources, right? Who will share them, if we have something to offer him in return.
What kind of resources that benefit for? What is not afraid to get prospective partner from us? We are in "school relations"Distinguish four large areas.
1. fear of bodily
This is a group of fears related to safety and comfort of the physical body. That the bed is not enough (or redundant) with a soft, air - not enough fresh food - healthy and tasty enough. There will be many (or few) of noise, voices that life will bore. The family ( "seven" I am "," perceived by people as part of the physical body) will not love or, on the contrary, will love too intrusive, that there will be difficulties with parents. What entertainment is little or over the edge or that somehow uncomfortable way to change their character. What zatreschat friendships. That the work will have to spend more (or less) time, that money is not enough and so on.
Instead blame the partner that he is afraid of relationships, find out what he wanted from them in terms of safety and comfort, and how to give it to him.
Show that it will retain all the good that is already in his life, and you will help him to enjoy it even better and also add a lot of new and interesting. Do you think he will continue to be afraid, if you are sincere and convincing?
2. fear of emotional
This is all the fears associated with the inviolability of personal space (You did not hear that emotion - this is just a warning system that allows us to alert either happy if we took someone else's space, or angry if someone invaded our own?). It is they who most often and hamper the development of relations. Uncertainty. Anxiety. Anxiety. Fear that you insult, humiliate, devalue, betray, laugh at. What personal space as a result of relations sozhitsya. What will you feel less "cool" and "principal". What you lose freedom. That you find yourself guilty, and even forced to apologize.
Here in this article I started. Who does not trust, insults, rebukes, he will sit without a relationship. Because in a relationship, we need people who act exactly the opposite (of course, if there is no expression of the psychological issues that are tightened in a relationship where the worse, the better).
Admire partner, looking at him as his teacher, protect it from attacks - a resource that relationship on the market is small, so they are always in demand.
And partners will not be "afraid" of relations with you. On the contrary, he will begin to seek him.
3. fear of intellectual
This is a group of fears related to the loss or decline in ability to understand, With the ability to perceive the world correctly. Simply put, fear gaga, if not cranky. Not everyone among us, wondering term relationship, is confident that his thinking abilities will remain at the same level that he will learn to develop themselves, learn a new just as he did when was alone. Very often relationships throw us in the development far back.
Maybe it's not such a terrible fear, but it is still necessary to consider analyzing why your relationships are in place. This is especially true of relations with the people for whom their brains are not just a habit, but also work, mode of existence.
Show this partner that you are not concrete it will fill between the ears, and will be the engine of its development to new intellectual heights - and he immediately cease "to be afraid" of relations.
4. fear spiritual
It fears associated with the risk of loss of historical and cultural roots. Of course, there are people who do not know to know about spirituality, or do not believe in it, believe that spirituality - is the "philosophy" is "about nothing". However, what could be worse for a relationship than a situation where the partners do not share core beliefs each other if they have different views on history, religion, family, tradition, if they have different cultural Codes? After all, these things are a source of the most irreconcilable contradictions.
I'm not even going to write, you need to share a picture of the spiritual partner of the world - I do not really believe that changes of this level may be in a relationship. Rather, I would wish you to find a man for relations with similar settings.
If you share the same view of the world, man and society, you're just not going to be afraid of each other, but if your views are different, you may not ever be afraid to stop.
For the business ...
So, I propose to consider that where your partner was "afraid" of relations, you are not commonplace modify. How not to modify the seller, that allows you to leave the store without buying anything. You go not because you are afraid of the purchase, but because you are not sufficiently interested. Maybe it did not show the "face" that you'd really come.
Leave reasoning about love - they do not help you to build a relationship, they only justify your loneliness. Engaged in the analysis and appreciation of the needs of the partner, dispel the fear of the above four. And your relationship simply did rush forward.