6 ways to make a good impression on the interlocutor

man confident surrounding perceived as friendly. If people feel comfortable and safe in your company, they are more likely to talk to you. So you need to learn how to send a signal of friendliness and sociability.

Author of Making Contact ( «to make contact") Arthur Vassmer coined the acronym Soften, to help people remember how to send a signal of friendliness. Agree, nice to always have on hand a simple way to deal with anxiety. In this case, we use the prefrontal cortex of the brain that control emotional manifestations of our more primitive and emotional brain. The process may seem simple, but it is based on the confrontation between reason and emotion within us.

So decipher the abbreviation. Let these rules will help you better manage non-verbal signals.

1. Smile (Smile)

In this council there is nothing unexpected. But if you've always seen your smile in the mirror? Sometimes what seems to you a smile, people perceive of a smirk or something worse. You think you are smiling but your eyes are fixed, and the mouth is bent funny. Carefully read your face when you

smile for real. You will notice that your whole face rises, especially the muscles around the eyes.

If you are smiling mouth only as cartoon characters, it seems disingenuous. Practice in front of a mirror to understand what kind of mimicry helps you look friendly and cheerful. And even better - examine the photo itself unadorned (but not staged selfie) to understand how you are seen by others. You do not just read other people's emotions on their faces, so that just cope with this task.

Sincere smile when meeting people, otherwise you will remember the gloomy and morose.

2. Take the open position (Open Posture)

An open posture - this posture, in which your body is deployed to the person with whom you are communicating. Hands and legs are not crossed, head and body turned to his companion. Straighten shoulders and expand the foot in his direction. Just do not stand at attention, will appear otherwise tense. Behave at ease: be open, friendly and "unarmed".

3. Lean to the interlocutor (Forward Lean)

During the call to the other party or lean Slide closer to him. It expresses its sympathy and Attention According to the interlocutor. (The English word list, conformable the listen verb ( "listen"), is set to "lean".) With this gesture, you show that you want to better understand the views and feelings of the interlocutor. To hang up, just take a step back or deviate from the interlocutor. If the tall man does not tilt and lowers his head to make it easier to communicate, the source feels alienation and even some contempt.

If you is the very tall man, you can not notice it until someone you do not say. Remember that you need to bend down to the people during the conversation.

4. Touch the interlocutor (Touch)

Subject touches will be of particular interest to men. But let's be careful. Touch the people only when it seems appropriate; If in doubt, do not do it. In every culture its own rules, when and to what parts of the body can touch the interlocutor. So think of the touch with the mind and examine this issue carefully. For example, in America, kisses and hugs when meeting excluded. You can only easy to touch another person's hands - from the elbow to the shoulder (but do not miss it!). You say, "If the rules so much, why bother to talk about touching?" The fact is that the touch - an important non-verbal signals to communicate effectively.

Perhaps the most important form of physical contact in the community - handshake. Take this gesture seriously. Be sure that people remember your handshake with the first meeting. Handshake - a form of greeting and initial contact. Take the time and learn how to shake hands properly. (Girls, I appeal to you separately. Ask someone to honestly assess your handshake. You will not be taken seriously, if you stretch the meeting limp hand, like a soft cloth, and expect that the interlocutor himself shrug it.)

If you sit for a handshake to get up. The first is usually reaching out to women and men of higher social status and position of the senior. Women handshake is no different from the male. (Shaking hands, make sure that your hand is not smeared with fat chicken wings, which you recently had lunch.)

Holding out his hand for a handshake, send it back, so that part of your hand between your thumb and index finger comes into contact with the same part of the palm of his interlocutor. Then shake his hand. I advise you to first practice with friends.

The quality of communication depends on how you behave during conversation. Learn how to say hello and presented looking his interlocutor in the eye and remembering his name. And smile. So much to consider! Now you know why it is better first to practice at home? Observe the behavior of the other during the conversation, put yourself in their place and play the situation in your mind. This will bring more benefits than you can imagine. As soon as you get - it's done. Once having learned, you will not lose this skill.

5. Establish eye contact (Eye Contact)

Eye contact - is not a glimpse, but not a long game in daylight. You study the face of the interlocutor and catch visual signals to convey the meaning of his words and his emotions. The face of each person is able to express a lot of emotions, and you can learn how to "read" people persons. Through the eye contact you show that you are open to communication. After describing a friendly person, we say that he has an "open face".

Eye contact helps to focus on the interlocutor, demonstrates the openness and friendliness, as well as reports about your responsiveness. If you usually avert their eyes, try next time to catch a glimpse of the interlocutor. Otherwise, you are creating a serious obstacle to development friendly relations.

In his office I sometimes write down conversations with clients so that they can look at themselves from the outside. They are shocked by what they see: during the conversation they see the ceiling or their knees. Do you think they are aware of where their gaze is directed? They have no idea! They focus on their thoughts and not on the person and the reactions of the interlocutor, which, of course, pushes the latter. Anyone who can not look people in the eye, usually finds out about all the latest news as not seeks an understanding with others. Perhaps you are aware that these words apply to you. Surprised? You'll probably need help to get rid of the habit of hiding his eyes.

Eyes can express uncertainty or indifference. But it is better not to look in the eyes for too long. Long straight look implies aggression, and makes people feel uncomfortable. This fear has a biological nature, and we have inherited from our animal ancestors. If you will be going to Rwanda to see the gorillas in the wild, you will be advised to avoid direct eye contact, especially with males. Otherwise, they may feel threatened and attack.

In addition, eye contact - it is also a sign of a very close relationship. Have you ever seen loving couple? Notice how long and hard they look into each other's eyes and dilated their pupils. This is the maximum expression of the strong emotional connection.

How to learn to increasingly look people in the eye?

• During the next conversation deliberately look into the eyes of the interlocutor. Of course, it will not be easy to do. Old habits come up again when you are fully engaged in the conversation. But still try. (Very scary to talk to the wall - please do not be it.)
• Try to look at the human eyebrow or nose. It's almost eye contact and a good start. Gradually you get rid of habits lower or avert their eyes.

I want to warn: if you're looking at the room behind the source, he is sure to take it as your reluctance to communicate. He might be offended or insulted (for more details on how to politely end the conversation, in chapter 17). Pay attention to the person still while you communicate with him. If during the conversation you are looking through the eyes of someone else, be sure to inform the other party, even if he does not know who you are looking for. Politely say:

• "Sorry, I'm a little absently, trying to find his wife."
• "I need to talk with Martina before it will go. I hope you do not mind if I do from time to time will be glancing around. "
• "If you see the bride before I do, let me know please. I want to dance before you go with it. "

I often use the great pictures that hang in my office, to teach eye contact during conversation or public speaking. I ask clients to retell its fragment performances: Pronouncing the sentence, he has to look into the eyes of the person in the photo. Then you need to translate a look at the next picture and say another phrase. And so on.

Practice to establish eye contact with the people in the photographs. I agree, this method may seem strange, but it will help you become more confident. And most importantly - you will get rid of the habit of looking at a single point, or avert their eyes during intercourse. Keep practicing until you learn: do not sufficiently exercise once.

6. Nod (Nod)

Nod - a physical response to the statement. Light beckons to soothe and cheer up: they show that you are listening and understand the interlocutor, he is talking about. If you do not agree to the body language, the interlocutor feel uncomfortable. You'll look aloof and arrogant, which, of course, will bring conversation to naught.

The six simple rules (Soften formula) again:

1. Smile;
2. Take the open position;
3. Lean to the other party;
4. Touch the other person;
5. Establish eye contact;
6. Nod.

Many have told me that these rules have helped them realize their ability to be friendly and helpful. They have learned to worry less about how others perceive them, and to monitor closely whether the signals they send friendly. By following these rules, you will:

• control their unconscious behavior to appear around friendly and sociable;
• manage themselves and purposefully send signals that you have to people and help them to trust you;
• turn them into us.

We did a great job!

watch nonverbal signals of others, to learn techniques that people use to communicate without words. Try one of these the next time you call. Consolidating these rules in behavioral memory, you gradually will bring them to automatism. If you want people to look open person, remember SOFTEN formula. If you are shy and introverted, you like it, that people will begin to start talking to you.

---

Look for other tips to help you communicate at ease and make you a master of small talk in the book "Speaking! Easy "Its author Carol Fleming - a specialist in communication skills, speech therapy and speech coach Technology the past. It will tell you how to turn an empty conversation interesting, tell us about yourself, as well as educate children sociable.

Buy