5 fantastic places that would suck in real life

1. Hogwarts

Hogwarts, the school of witchcraft and wizardry from the Harry Potter series, seems like a wonderful place, and many fans of the books and films would probably love to live and study there. But if it existed in reality, it would hardly be a suitable playground for children.

The first and most important problem of Hogwarts is the safety of its students. In the books, the characters repeatedly called it “the safest place in the world.” But this is an absolutely ridiculous statement. The school is constantly subject to terrorist attacks by Death Eaters and other supporters of Voldemort, in it is home to many aggressive monsters like Cerberus nicknamed Fluff, a basilisk and a deadly rattlesnake and you. And the forest nearby is infested with spiders the size of cars.

In addition, competitions like the Goblet of Fire Tournament are regularly held there, where

half-educated wizards you have to fight dragons and mermaids. And also Quidditch competitions, where athletes constantly fall off their brooms and break something.

Of course, Madam Pomfrey from the hospital wing can mend fractures and even restore lost bones, but she is unlikely to be able to resurrect the dead. Add to this such “surprises” as disappearing staircases, constant accidents when inexperienced sorcerers use magic, and mandrakes deafening with crying. And also hippogriffs, ghosts and aggressive poltergeist Peeves.

And the quality of education at Hogwarts leaves much to be desired.

Students, of course, are taught magic, making potions and caring for various magical monsters, but knowledge of mathematics, physics, natural sciences and humanities they are not given any. As a result, even the most talented Hogwarts graduate will have an extremely poor understanding of the world around him upon graduation. Much like Mr. Weasley, who is delighted at the sight of Muggle escalators and plugs.

Finally, at Hogwarts the very model of “sorting” students into four faculties is flawed. So, Gryffindor clearly enjoys the headmaster's favor. But they are deliberately biased towards Slytherin and gather students there who are prone to villainy and black magic. This division stimulates feelings of resentment, inequality and envy among students, which in the books regularly results in conflicts.

In general, if you still receive letter from Hogwarts, it would be wiser to choose homeschooling.

2. Jurassic Park

The idea of ​​Jurassic Park seems truly exciting. Who wouldn't be interested in looking at the huge prehistoric monsters in their natural habitat?

In reality, of course, we can not resurrect the dinosaurs: no DNA will survive 65 million years. But even if it were possible... Well, the events of all the films in the franchise have clearly demonstrated that clone dinosaurs - a stupid and dangerous idea.

Even in real nature reserves and zoos, there are cases of wild animals attacking visitors. And animals such as a Tyrannosaurus rex or even the smaller Deinonychus (which the film insists on calling a Velociraptor) would pose a much greater danger than tigers and lions. They are significantly larger and stronger than any modern predator.

In addition, as shown research prehistoric paw prints lizards, many of them were quite fast for their size. Thus, some theropods accelerated to 45 km/h, which is quite enough to catch up and kill even the fastest human sprinter.

Added to the strength, size and speed of dinosaurs is the fact that they are completely unexplored and unpredictable animals.

It is difficult to say what kind of temperament they would have had and how different they would have been in character from modern mammals. Most likely, the behavior of prehistoric lizards would have been more reminiscent of birds, because birds are modern dinosaurs.

And large birds can be very aggressive when hungry or scared. The same ostriches able kill a lion with your feet. Now imagine an ostrich 3 meters tall and 6 meters long - a typical representative order of ornithomimosaurs.

So any malfunction in the security system of a zoo inhabited by dinosaurs will result in a disaster and casualties among visitors - which, in fact, is what happened in the films.

However, Jurassic Park would be a dangerous place not only for people, but also for the dinosaurs themselves. Even if it were possible to resurrect prehistoric monsters using genetic engineering, it is unlikely that they would be happy about it.

World changed over the past 65 million years. Oxygen content, atmospheric pressure, temperature, bacteria and viruses - everything is different now. Dinosaurs not adapted to these conditions would often get sick, die early and generally feel extremely bad.

Therefore, the question of whether it is worth recreating extinct animals for the sake of an amusement park is very difficult from an ethical point of view.

3. Flat world

Discworld, created by Terry Pratchett, is a disk-shaped planet that sits on the backs of four elephants, which in turn stand on the shell of a turtle named A'Tuin. Novels about this place are full of magic, adventure, charming heroes and funny situations. However, if it existed in reality, life there would hardly be pleasant, if at all possible.

The physics of the Discworld is described by Pratchett with great humor. For example, the light is here moves at subsonic speed, and there is also dry water here. The tiny moon and sun revolve around the Disc in intricate trajectories. And the orbit stars, for example, is so confusing that one of the elephants has to regularly lift his leg to let it pass. Naturally, in reality this would not work for long.

However, the main problem of the Discworld is gravity. You see, planets are actually round not because it is beautiful, but because it is the most stable shape. The matter in it is attracted to the center of mass evenly from all sides. A flat planet would very quickly collapsed under its own weight.

And the Disc, and the elephants, and the turtle would collapse into a ball, because this is the natural shape for cosmic bodies.

And nothing living could survive this catastrophic event. In the future, the elephants and turtle, compressed by gravity, would gradually turn into an organic substance called kerogen, and then into oil and methane. Well, because that's how it is behaves organic matter under the influence of enormous pressure and high temperature, which inevitably arises in the core of the newly-minted planet.

Perhaps the once flat, now round world could be populated again and even mined on it. But this would take millions of years.

4. A galaxy far, far away

A galaxy far, far away from the universe "Star Wars"fascinates with its scale, diversity of planets, races and cultures. The perfect backdrop for endless adventures and travel. At least if you are a brave smuggler pilot or Jedi Master.

But if you are a simpler person and don’t know By force or your own spaceship, your life will be much less fun.

The Star Wars galaxy is constantly engulfed in conflict - in fact, the very name of the franchise speaks about it. Wars between the Republic and the Separatists, between the Empire and the Rebels, between the First Order and the Resistance - all of them lead to huge losses among the population.

Billions of people are dying without even having time to figure out what is actually happening - simply because some new dark lord of the Sith needed to test his new superweapon.

You live like this on some Alderaan or Hosnian Prime, the Death Star or Starkiller flies to you and disintegrates the entire system.

You can say that such events are very rare. But in the Star Wars universe, there are much more dangerous weapons. And this is... an FTL drive.

One fan of the series produced precise calculations to understand how much kinetic energy can be transferred spaceship, flying at 2.5% of the speed of light. The result was something like 6.5 × 10¹⁶ tons of TNT - this is more than a thousand times more than the Chicxulub meteorite that killed the dinosaurs produced. About that much energy produces the Sun per second - and for a moment it’s a star.

Any accident with a hyperlight engine, error in calculations when calculating heading, or terrorist an attack by fanatics on an old spaceship would lead to the same consequences as a salvo from the Star of death". Only the latter existed in a single copy (plus a second unfinished prototype). But in the Star Wars universe, a superluminal engine is attached to every tarantass that can break away from the surface.

However, even if no one is going to blow up your planet, this does not mean that living on it will be comfortable. Most of the worlds from films about wars and their spin-offs mired in banditry and corruption. All sorts of huge space slugs rule here with their criminal syndicates, and neither the Republic nor the Empire are doing anything about it.

And in the episode Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, Anakin's mother, Shmi Skywalker, mentions that slavery Tatooine allowed because the planet is too far from the center of the Republic. That is, if the government “lives on another planet, my dear,” then it will not make attempts to restore order in the supposedly controlled territories.

5. Shire

Middle Earth by John Tolkien Overall a pretty dangerous place. There are also evil orcs, ravaging peaceful settlements, as well as enslaving and sometimes eating their inhabitants. And dragons like Smaug, who think it's okay to burn entire cities just for petty revenge. And many other monsters like giant spiders in Mirkwood, trolls and other unpleasant creatures. So it’s unlikely that the Shire would be such a cozy place in reality.

Also, do not forget that Middle-earth is still a fantasy analogue Middle Ages, and life in that era was not at all sweet. There was no sensible medicine, and it is unlikely that hobbits would have had the opportunity to take every seriously ill patient to the good elves for healing with magic. Any injury like a fracture that led to suppuration, or a simple disease like a cold that resulted in pneumonia could cause death.

What would you want if you forgot to invent antibiotics?

Add also that the Shire lacks many of the amenities that are considered an integral part of modern housing, such as electricity and central heating. And if you are not a native, but just visiting, like Gandalf, visiting a hobbit hole with low ceilings and narrow doors would be completely inconvenient for a person of normal height.

By the way, about growth. For that matter, the hobbit species itself has little chance of surviving in the real world - unless, of course, we are talking about something like the harsh Middle Ages, and not about a modern humanistic society.

You see, a creature about 90 centimeters tall has little chance of surviving in a fight even with the average person. Yes, the books mention that hobbits are skilled archers. But, firstly, people can do this too. And secondly, against an enemy in armor, a bow Does not help.

For a long time, the Shire was a safe place due to its geographic isolation, but this is very mediocre protection in the long term. For that matter, in the finale of the trilogy, the Shire was captured deprived of powers by the sorcerer Saruman, accompanied by fifty thugs from Dunland loyal to him. And if it were not for Frodo and his comrades returning from their journey, who encouraged the halflings to rebel, the hobbits would have languished under the yoke of dictatorship.

And if 50 bandits were enough to quite successfully hold an entire country, it is unlikely that such a territory will remain independent for long.