Why it's important to celebrate your failures and how to do it

So you screwed up at work. Very, very strong. Maybe they failed important negotiations or sent nudes in a chat with colleagues, and not with their partner. Or maybe your business went bankrupt or you were fired. No matter what misfortune befalls us, our first instinct is to sink into the swamp of self-pity and return to the real world only after we have punished ourselves enough. But such behavior, firstly, makes us feel even worse, and secondly, does not in any way prevent us from making the same mistake in the future. There must be some other way to cope.

From early childhood, we get used to the fact that failure is bad and unacceptable. We learn this from our parents when we get bad assessment, from our teachers when we don’t know the answer to a question, from our peers when we become the target of bullying, and even from our favorite sports team when it loses. It is believed that failures serve as fuel for success. That if we laugh at ourselves well or experience enough shame and disgrace, it will motivate us to conquer new heights.

But we don't always avoid risk. Our resistance to failure is at its highest level when we are still wearing diapers. If we fall while we are learning to walk, we immediately put it out of our minds and get back on our feet. But when we gradually grow up and get our first bad grade or the coveted role in a school play is not ours, we quickly realize that victories are celebrated, not defeats. Then, when we reach adolescence, we are expected to know exactly what we want to do for the rest of our lives. But experiments, research in different areas and risky decisions are not very welcome.

But attitudes towards failure are beginning to gradually change around the world. In Israel, for example, investors more often are ready to give money not to beginners, but to entrepreneurs who have already opened their own business and failed. And we, too, should learn to accept our failures, or better yet, celebrate them.

Why celebrate your failures?

It teaches you to be open and strengthens relationships.

When we share our failures with close friends or, if we are brave enough, with our followers on in social networks, our openness motivates other people to open up in return. In addition, it allows you to get rid of shame, a frequent accompaniment of failure. Shame that remains silent and isolated only grows, but when we talk about it, it gradually disappears.

It promotes personal growth

If we remove failures from our life, it will quickly begin to stagnate and become quite boring. We will always succeed in everything and will never become better. We will not see our points of growth, where we need to make efforts, and we will not be able to use our errors on the way to the goal.

It trains the ability to take risks

Failure takes practice. The more often we deal with them, the higher our tolerance for the discomfort they cause. Besides, if we fail at something, it means we took a risk. We weren't 100% sure that something would work, but we decided to try it and see what happened. And that's worth celebrating.

People who constantly accept their failures are entrepreneurs. This is why they are so successful. They suffer defeats, learn from mistakes and quickly change strategy.

It softens the emotional blow

People tend to want to hide from failure. We want to relieve ourselves of guilt, throw away shame and hide. So when we do the exact opposite—celebrate our failures and be the center of attention—it acts like chicken soup for the soul.

After all, failure is inevitable. The path to the top is full of mistakes and failures. But often the more serious the mistake, the more profound knowledge we gain about life.

This helps separate failure from personality.

Every person at least once in his life called himself loser and thought that failure was inextricably linked with punishment: “I haven’t done enough and therefore don’t deserve to succeed.”

When we celebrate failures, we communicate to our minds that we don’t have to “deserve” the holiday. We can be happy with who we are, regardless of the results. It’s as if we are telling ourselves: “We are worthy people and will behave in a way that respects our dignity.”

How to celebrate failures

There is no single “right” way. You can do whatever you need to do to calm your nervous system. For some, a “sad party” or going to a restaurant with friends helps, for others, it helps to lie in a bubble bath and watch series or buy a pair of shoes.

You can also honor your emotions by allowing yourself to feel the grief that comes with failure. This can also help you calm down, as can talking openly with other people.

Another idea is to start a new habit: Every Sunday, evaluate the past week and write down one lesson you learned. This practice will tune the brain to actively look for mistakes and stop making them. afraid.

You don't have to worry about failures haunting you if you start celebrating them. If you celebrate being fired, it doesn't mean you'll be fired from your next job too. What matters is what your intentions are. In a situation where a holiday for you is an attempt to distance yourself from defeat, you miss the chance to realize what it actually gives you. It's worth thinking about why you failed, what resources and skills you lacked, and what you can do differently next time.

How to learn to cope with failures

A few steps will help with this:

• Assess your mood. What do you feel? Shame, humiliation, embarrassment? What thoughts do these feelings make you feel?
• Do a breathing exercise. Take a deep breath, hold your breath for a count of six, and exhale slowly. This will help you disconnect from your thoughts and connect to your body.
• Take responsibility for your thoughts, mood and behavior. Don't blame yourself, don't complain, and don't focus on external events. Admit to yourself your emotional state.
• Understand your interpretation of the situation. Perhaps you see failure as a sign that not smart enough or that everything that happened is unfair to you.
• Explore other interpretations. Think about how else you can look at the situation. A new viewing angle will help you notice if you're missing something.
• Choose a new interpretation. Reframe your perspective on failure and try to see it as an opportunity for growth. What do you need to learn, do, or overcome in order to be successful in the future?

Don't be afraid of change and give up the belief that people do not change. Your habits, likes and dislikes, like your personality, do not stay with you unchanged for the rest of your life. You are more than what you do, and every risk you take gives you a chance to grow. The best way to deal with failure is to try new things more often. Imagine yourself as clay from which you can mold whatever you want.

Failures in themselves are neither good nor bad. It is a neutral construct that you assign meaning to. Not everything always goes according to plan. But only you decide how much failure affects your life and defines you as a person. You can let defeat destroy you self-esteem, or you can see a new opportunity in it and use it to your advantage.