How to let go of the past and move on: advice from writer Olga Primachenko

Olga Primachenko, journalist and author of the bestseller “Tenderly to Yourself,” has released a new book - “Everything will end, but you won't». In it, the author tells how to carefully support yourself if you are going through difficult times.

With the permission of the Bombora publishing house, we are publishing an excerpt from the chapter “Letting go of what didn’t happen” - about how how to part with an exhausted past and gradually get out of a state where there is nothing I want to.

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Accept the idea that you did the best you could. And what they didn’t do, they couldn’t do. I understand how we want to believe that we are able to prevent, prevent, and avoid trouble, but much of what happens to us or to our loved ones, we cannot influence. There is someone else's will and someone else's choices, someone else's restrictions and our own limits. The thread of another person’s fate is not woven in our hands, and it is not for us to decide when it breaks. […]

Respect the winter of oblivion. Dear memories will fade, bright pictures will fade with time. Don't be angry with yourself for forgetting and confusing what you thought you would never forget. This is how life and time work. This is necessary, among other things, in order not to remain in captivity of the past to the detriment of life here and now. Nothing can be fixed there, but today a lot can still be changed.

“Life will always find its way.” Within two days the mown garden is full of daisies, tulips are growing through a thick layer of rubble, and a pickled tomato thrown into the trash suddenly becomes covered with tender green shoots emerging from its sunflower seeds Every living thing wants to live, I tell my son, showing these miracles. And I continue: and will look for a way to do this.

Connect with the power that has always brought you back to life, lean on it. She saved you more than once, and she won’t let you down now. This could be unkillable optimism inherited from my grandmother, everyday pragmatism and physical endurance from father, an amazing sense of opportunity or the ability to think faster and more broadly than he can others. This gift was given to you not to know about it, but to use it.

Pay attention to what piques your interest, do not accept the sudden outbreak curiosity for an accident. Handmade ceramics? Minimalist interiors? Bookstores? Poetry? Lyrics? What makes you seem to wake up and for a moment forget about the hardships? This is not just a spark of inspiration - it is a beacon that points: this is the place for you. Explore what is hiding there: most likely, something that comes into contact with your abilities and talents, which means it can be the beginning of a new road or give the necessary impetus to "to want to live."

Think about what in your life it’s time to say: “Screw it.” Sometimes, in order to let go of the past, you need to get really angry: it’s the energy anger will give you the strength to finish what has been dragging on for an eternity and taking out your soul. Other people's grievances, unfounded claims, who knows how long frozen projects and plans - let them go through the woods and never return.

Write out your anger, give it space. Spit out what’s painful on paper, it will accept everything. There is no need to re-read what you get, try to write clearly and coherently, or send it to the person you are angry with. Just write, write, write until you feel relief or tears flow. Anger has enormous potential for awakening from sleep, a conscious turn from death to life. This is a powerful wave that can carry you ashore after many days of sluggish flopping in the sea. apathy.

There is one wonderful therapeutic phrase in psychology: the way out is “through.”

It is impossible to come to your senses after experiencing a loss or separation with the wave of a magic wand: you swipe and it doesn’t hurt.

To find yourself in this “not painful” state, you need to live through days beyond which nothing is visible. Experience feelings that you don’t even know exist within yourself. Cry liters of tears. And, of course, give yourself time for this transition: through a dark forest, through a scorched field, across a dead river.

The morning fog will muffle sounds and wrap you in a blanket of oblivion. Hug with one hand, open tightly with the other clenched fists. Don't hold, don't, let go, relax your hand. Let what must go go.

At the moment of transition, you need to carefully choose what to go with to the other side. It is important not to take too much in your knapsack: so as not to break under its weight on the road, so that it doesn’t become a punishment, so that at some point you don’t want to give up everything and turn back in despair.

While the new is born, the old inevitably dies. And that is why this transition can be so painful: a person understands what he is saying goodbye to and what he has already lost, but he still does not fully realize what he has gained and in what ways he has become richer...

“Everything will end, but you won’t” is a book that will help you find support if the familiar world suddenly collapses. She will tell you how to survive the death of a loved one, separation, emigration and other life changes and not lose yourself.

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