“One day I made the decision to save myself.” How I cut my stomach and lost 50 kg
Miscellaneous / / August 05, 2023
I have tried many diets and exercises, I myself dropped up to 60 kg. But after another breakdown, I decided to have surgery.
“Mom said that all my girlfriends would go out with the boys, and because of my weight I would stay at home”
I haven't always been a chubby kid. Until the 5th grade, my weight was absolutely normal. At some point, perhaps due to a transitional age, literally over the summer I recovered, and then the weight began to grow. The doctors diagnosed me with obesity, but everyone in my family has problems with being overweight, so the diagnosis in childhood was left to chance.
By the 9th grade, I weighed about 82 kg, and at graduation my dress size was 52nd. Mom said that all my girlfriends would go out with the boys, and because of my weight I would stay at home. And when I made some attempts to lose weight, she said: “Don’t do garbage, you’ll gain everything back anyway.”
At school, I faced bullying. And when I came to the store, they told me from the doorstep that they didn’t have my size, and they sent me to another department, where some kind of Babkin’s clothes usually hung. It was very unpleasant.
At 18, I weighed 136 kg, but at the same time I walked a lot and even felt pretty good. Then I was all right with my heart, there were normal blood tests. The only problem is with the thyroid gland. Therefore, given that all my readings seemed to be normal, the doctors could not find the causes of obesity.
I did not accept myself and wildly wanted to look different. But at the same time, she did absolutely nothing about it at that time.
The first attempts to lose weight began just around the age of 18. At that time, all sorts of VKontakte groups about thinness were popular. There were published terrible diets, I constantly tried them. I sat only on buckwheat, for example, or ate 100 kcal a day, tried a drinking diet. Of course, no diet lasted longer than a week. I threw off 10 kilograms, then gained again, and it was an endless circle.
In the same groups there were suggestions that you can take diet pills, a laxative, a diuretic, or eat and cause vomitnot to get better. I tried it all on myself and eventually got bulimia.
I'm used to inducing vomiting. It was an illusory feeling that you got rid of all the calories you ate.
The people around me did not know about my bulimia. It was a constant circle of shame, soul-searching because you broke down again, because you were weak. And then you eat that feeling again and make yourself vomit.
I suffered from bulimia for 7 years. During this time, I started having problems with my teeth due to vomiting, I had erosions in my stomach, and I suffered from heartburn. I realized that I can’t cope with it myself, and I started doing therapy, taking antidepressants.
“I didn’t want to die of obesity, but I knew that I would come to this”
At that time, I didn’t want to leave the house and meet people because I was embarrassed about myself. I have never gone to a place where I have to undress - on beach, for example, although I wanted to. Since then, I have no photographs, because I absolutely did not like the way I looked. I did not want to ride public transport, because I took two places and understood that the person next to me would be uncomfortable. It was a period of constant suffering and embarrassment.
I gained 50 kg and came to almost 190 kg by the age of 25. It was then that I realized that I needed to get more serious about my mind.
By that age, the body had already begun to falter. For example, I have been bleeding for a year, similar to menstruation. The gynecologist told me that I needed bariatric surgery, otherwise I would never be able to get pregnant. It was then that the idea of cutting the stomach was first voiced.
But I did not know how to eat right and lead a healthy lifestyle, so I was not ready to be operated on. Instead I found gym.
I was very shy to go there. It seemed that everyone would look at me, laugh at the fact that I was fat, condemn.
It was hard to overcome myself. Back then, I could ride a stationary bike for no more than 10 minutes, and I couldn’t even walk more than 100 meters so as not to get out of breath. But I did not give up, little by little I began to succeed, I began to add new exercises.
Then I went to all the doctors, and the therapist told me that while my body is still young, it will withstand such weight for some time. But if nothing is done, the body will begin to fail, diabetes awaits me. I had my gallbladder removed, which had stones and which did not function at all.
The maximum weight that my scale could display was 180 kg, and when I first weighed, they went off scale. After the simulator, the weight began to decrease, 20-30 kg was gone in about six months. In addition, I started counting calories and eventually lost 60 kg and kept this weight for 1.5 years. At the same time, I did not praise myself for this, but scolded myself. Like, we need even more, I'm not trying hard. I thought I was still ugly.
I didn't want to die from obesitybut I knew that sooner or later I would come to this. What frightened me most of all was that youth is passing, life is passing by, and I look 50 years old.
“I didn’t feel physical hunger, but as if I felt it in my head”
In the spring of last year, I changed jobs, I was stressed, I started eating again, and I again gained 38 kg. I realized that I could not cope on my own, and in the end I thought about the operation. This was in September 2022. I read a lot of information and signed up for a consultation with a surgeon at the regional hospital in Ryazan.
I chose gastric resection - an operation in which ¾ of the stomach is removed, and you are saturated with a portion of 60 grams. There is also a gastric bypass, when part of the stomach is removed and part of the intestine is turned off from life. You lose weight faster, because at the same time you absorb less proteins, fats and carbohydrates, but at the same time you will have to take it all your life vitamins. That is why I decided to have a resection.
But now I sometimes have thoughts that I should have chosen a bypass. And all because I sometimes look at bloggers and compare their result after shunting with my own after resection. It seems that if they threw off more, then I could.
Indications for surgery - body mass index of 35 and above. They can operate according to compulsory medical insurance if type 1 diabetes is added to a large weight. If there is no diabetes, then the operation is done for a fee.
In my case, the operation itself cost 162 thousand, the examination, anesthesia, and the ward are paid separately. In total, I paid about 210 thousand.
The whole process goes quite quickly. You come for a consultation analyzes according to the list, you are hospitalized, the next day you are operated on, the day after you are under observation, and then, if everything is in order, you go home. No special preparation is required.
After the operation, I felt terrible nausea and slept all day. At first, you can’t eat or even drink anything - you just put a lot of droppers with saline. The pain is tolerable, because they give painkillers.
When I was discharged, they gave me recommendations on four sheets. For the first month you have a drinking diet: juices diluted with water, fruit drinks, liquid cereals. Then you gradually begin to introduce solid foods, try how the body reacts to them. Here everything is individual - at first it was hard for me even to drink. After a sip of water, it became bad, as if a sleeper had been hammered inside me, I felt wild weakness. I wanted to eat something solid in three weeks. Then every day you gain strength and confidence, and you begin to feel better.
Weight starts to fall from the first day. For a month it took me about 10 kg, it was very inspiring. True, I thought that disorder eating behavior will not return, since I learned how to eat right. But the problem of relations with food is in the head.
So two months later, the problem returned: I didn’t feel physical hunger, but it seemed to feel it in my head. As soon as these bells appeared, I again went to a psychologist. The psychologist said that food, even a small portion, should bring me pleasure. No need to give up some products - you can eat whatever you want, but in reasonable quantities.
“10 months have passed since the operation, during this time I lost 50 kg”
Now I don't have a special diet. After the operation, I can’t eat much - it just doesn’t fit into me. I roughly understand how much food I can handle. For example, I know that I will not eat a whole sandwich, but only half. If I suddenly eat a little more, I start vomit, so I instinctively adjust the portion size.
But until the end, my relationship with food did not become healthy. For example, I don't buy any products at all. I don’t take burgers because I think: if I can’t enjoy it in its entirety, why do I need it?
It is important to remember that surgery is not magic. If you do not regulate your lifestyle, the result can be lost.
10 months have passed since the operation, during which time I lost 50 kg. Now I weigh 108 kg, and my final goal is 85. Whether I will be absolutely happy when I achieve it, I do not know. I look at my reflection in the mirror and see the consequences of what I have led myself to with my lifestyle. For example, excess saggy skin that adds size to clothes. It will have to be removed. At some point, it seems to me that I have become so beautiful; at another point I think it's still scary. Now I have a question of changing the field of activity, and I'm afraid to respond to a vacancy and go to interview. It seems to me that there are young beautiful girls there, and I am so fat - where am I going to go?
But still I am changing, I did not leave myself to die and I try to accept myself and love. Now I can already perceive myself in full growth, but still, in the photographs, everything seems to be wrong. I no longer weigh myself twice a day. I'm not ashamed to go to a bar, take a walk. Life began to play with new colors. Relationships have improved as well.
I thank myself for once making the decision to save myself and get out of the hole that obesity has driven me into.
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