Why do we think that our emotions are obvious to others

The illusion of transparency and effect spotlights make you think that all attention is focused only on us.

Remember how you felt, speaking in public. For example, a presentation at school or at a working conference. Chances are, you were sure that others can hear the sound of your heart. Notice that all your excitement and you feel terrible speaker. You might even dream go down the drain, but would not stand like an idiot. But in fact, the audience did not notice anything like that, and you just become a victimThe illusion of transparency and the alleviation of speech anxiety. illusion of transparency.

We are too immersed in their own feelings

Other people do not know what's going on in our heads. Although we understand the mind everything is forgottenThe illusion of transparency in performance appraisals: When and why accuracy motivation explains unintentional feedback inflation.When we try to imagine their reaction. We are aware of their own feelings and think that they are clearly visible on our face, gestures and other features - that we are "transparent" to others. And this is our fault

It is difficult to go beyond your perception and look at everything with someone else's point of view.

With such an illusion is closely related to another cognitive bias - the effect spotlightThe Spotlight Effect Revisited: Overestimating the Manifest Variability of Our Actions and Appearance.. Only it does not affect the thoughts and feelings and actions and appearance. Because of him, we think that everyone pays attention to how we look and what we do. The reason for this distortion is the same as that of the transparent illusion: we are so engrossed in their condition that it is difficult to present, as other about it do not think.

And because of this we misjudge people's reactions

Illusion Transparency affects us in different situations. Man seems to lieThe illusion of transparency: biased assessments of others' ability to read one's emotional states.That others easily see through his lies. Frustrated - his distress evident all around. The one who ate something tasteless at a party - that the owners noticed his reaction.

During business negotiationsThe Illusion of Transparency in Negotiations. Each side thinks its motives and intentions are evident to other participants.

In order not to give too much, one begins to hold back, and as a result there are misunderstandings.

In a personal communication, we often resent that our desires have not guessed. For example, when deciding whether to start a romantic relationship, or choosing where to eat dinner together. We forget that the other person just does not know about what we want for our hints.

But this can be combated

Try to isolate themselves from their own perception, so you do not hurt the egocentric distortion. Think about yourself in the third person, look at yourself through the eyes of strangers. And you will realize that your excitement is not so obvious.

If you come to a lovely person, or you are going to to speak before the publicRemind ourselves of the illusion of transparency. Emotions overwhelm you is not so noticeable as you think - this cognitive distortion increases anxiety. And knowledge about it helpsThe illusion of transparency and the alleviation of speech anxiety.ya calm down.

After the speech, ask the people you trust, whether they have noticed your concern, whether about your doubts guessed. And you make sure that the audience simply attributed knowledge of their innermost thoughts.

But perhaps you have the opposite problem: do you expect that will solve your feelings and respond to them. Remind yourself that others may not know everything that's on your mind. Do not expect them supernormal - ask directly.