How to communicate with a sexist

Dealing with a sexist is unpleasant. Well, if communication can be easily and quickly cut off. But what if the source of inappropriate comments is the boss at your favorite job or a math teacher who really needs an A? The good news is that it's possible to have a normal conversation with a sexist. First of all, it is worth understanding what sexism is and how it manifests itself.

How to Know You're Dealing with a Sexist

Sexism is discrimination people by gender. In everyday communication, it can come from both men and women and express yourself in a variety of forms, such as words, gestures or actions. And here are just a few prime examples of what sexist lines sound like and sexist behavior looks like.

In ordinary life

These can be well-established expressions that masquerade as truths like "A woman's place is at the stove" or "Men don't cry."

Another common situation is to address a heterogeneous group of people using language that excludes women, such as "Good evening, gentlemen."

Many use predominantly male images in speech out of habit. And they don’t even think about the fact that when we say, for example, “man,” we often mean a man, not a woman.

At work

A striking example of a sexist statement in the working environment is the phrase “You will have children anyway and leave,” which is used to explain the promotion of a man, not a woman.

Another form of discrimination in professional communication is explaining to a woman the issues in which she well versed, or ignoring expert opinion just because it comes from a woman.

Often, sexism at work manifests itself in the form of familiarity from management or colleagues. For example, when talking with women they use words with diminutive suffixes or make remarks about appearance: “Sveta, what a beauty you are today. I'm waiting for the report until the evening." And men can face derogatory comments like “Are you a woman or something” if they prioritize family over career - for example, they want to go on maternity leave.

On learning

Discrimination at a university can manifest itself in the treatment of teachers with students. For example, when a professor behaves incorrectly towards girls in the computer science department, because he believes that they intellectual abilities are lower than those of guys, and constantly talks about it.

Gender bias also leads to underestimation. In such cases, you can often hear phrases in the style: “Why do you need a five, you will still get married and will not work by profession.”

Sexism is also clearly visible in the stereotypes that are reinforced through career counseling when girls are offered "female" professions, such as a teacher, and boys are offered "male" professions, for example lawyer.

Of course, in everyday life, the source of sexism is most often a specific person: an acquaintance, girlfriend, partner, teacher or boss. If this situation happened for the first time, explain that this is not only unpleasant, but also wrong, because it limits your freedom and your opportunities. But if this has been going on for a long time, and it is difficult or impossible to cut off communication, it is better to act differently.

How to deal with a sexist

Draw boundaries of communication

If you are constantly being called "honey" or "darling" and it hurts you, discuss the boundaries of what is acceptable. This can be done in a joking manner, for example: “Do you call all employees sweethearts? How interesting! And how do Igor and Vadim react?” Or politely and bluntly say that you do not like such familiar treatment.

Feel free to immediately stop any inappropriate behavior. You have every right mark one's boundarieswho should be treated with respect by others.

seize the initiative

Very often, women are accused of being "excessive emotionality", especially in the workplace. If a man yells at subordinates or colleagues, he just has a bad day, it happens. If a woman does this, she is "a hysterical woman who clearly has problems in her personal life."

This approach can be used effectively against sexists. As soon as your colleague starts raising his voice and acting inappropriately, point it out: “You are overreacting. Calm down and let's get back to work." Most likely, the sexist will burst from rabies, but you will be absolutely right. Yelling and throwing tantrums in the workplace is unprofessional for both men and women.

Ask for an explanation for a sexist line

This method also works great if you need to fight back against rude people. The principle is simple - you should make a blank look and repeat only one phrase: "What do you mean?"

For example, you hear: "Oh, yes, men are all the same." Answer: "What do you mean?" In response, you can get: "Well, they are not serious, they think only in one place." Your reaction should again be, "What do you mean?" And so on until the other side buries itself with its own answers, because each time they will sound more and more stupid.

Show indulgence

Imagine that you have been asked to look after a 5-year-old child, and he says something unpleasant to you. You are unlikely to argue with him, because he is just a child who does not yet understand very well what can and cannot be said. Most likely, you will treat the situation with calm indulgence.

Use the same approach when dealing with a sexist. When someone suddenly makes a sexist remark at you, smile and respond with a hint of sarcasm: “Wow, wow! You seem like an adult serious person, but you say such stupid things. You can also connect those present - give them a look that will read: "Imagine, someone is still saying such nonsense out loud."

Remember that sexism is the lowest level of controversy and the easiest to resort to. Do not stoop to it and keep yourself with dignity.

Don't raise your voice

Holding back isn't always easy, but it's a great way to make yourself heard. Too loud or even just raised voice shows that the situation has hurt you. Subconsciously, others may read this as a weakness. A low and quiet voice, on the contrary, is associated with measured and calm. This is how you should meet sexist comments - as if they do not bother you at all and do not unsettle you.

Connect personal

If you have the opportunity to have a serious conversation with a sexist and get through to him, try to explain the situation using examples from loved ones. It could be the husband, wife, brother, sister, daughter, or son of that person. Ask: “If someone behaved this way towards your loved one, would you consider this behavior normal?”

Sometimes people who communicate from a position of sexism do not even realize that they are doing something wrong. The faster you stop discriminatory behavior and, if possible, explain why it is fundamentally wrong, the more likely it is that such people will reflect and change their behavior.