6 mental attitudes that will help you not give up before failure

The Alpina Publisher publishing house has published the book Mental Habits of a Critical Thinker by business coach Maxim Kiselyov. Collected under the cover are exercises and mental practices that will help you avoid the pitfalls of thinking and turn crisis situations to your advantage. We publish an excerpt from the seventh chapter on how not to break down when faced with difficulties face to face.

1. Failure is experience

This attitude does not correspond to the Russian mentality at all. For most of us, failure is failure, and there is nothing to talk about. Obviously, this attitude towards failure goes back to school years. Indeed, at school, each of our failures literally received an assessment from teachers and classmates. These scores were even posted in a diary and a journal. That is why the word “failure” has a negative connotation for most of us today.

But our children's attitude to failure is already changing. For them, failure is the price they paid for a new experience. And this price is not at all high compared to the opportunity costs. Failure shows a dead end, and this knowledge can be bought for very little money.

A very effective way to instill in young people a love of failure is to demonstrate how it provides valuable experience. One of my friends who teaches at school does it in the following way. Before proceeding to the topic “Classification of the Living World”, she gives the students a homework assignment: to develop such a classification on their own. The students come to the lesson satisfied, the task seems to them very simple. Well, this is obvious: all animals can be divided into those who fly, who swim and who walk on the ground. Fine, says the teacher. But what about ducks? They fly and swim and walk. The students leave worried. They understand that the path they have chosen turned out to be a dead end. And they bought this knowledge for a very small price. Moreover, it gives them reason to go the other way! Now they know what needs to change in order to create something better. This time they are developing a different version of the classification and, from their own experience, they understand that this is not easy. They themselves see the difficulties, overcome them themselves and rejoice when they succeed.

2. Failure shows development zones

Each of us considers ourselves a good negotiator, driver, entrepreneur, parent, etc. In cognitive science this is called Dunning-Kruger effect, or the illusion of self-confidence. Numerous studies show that 70-80% of drivers believe that they drive better than average, students - that they are in the top 10 of the faculty, etc. Most of us live in this illusion. It slows down our progress because we do not know that we have development zones. We lack a critical attitude towards our attitudes.

It is failure that shows your development zones. Just like in the previous paragraph, for a small price you can "buy" valuable knowledge, what you should work on, what skills to develop. Where can such knowledge be obtained? If, due to your professional duties, you communicate a lot with people, go to negotiation training. I assure you, even if you are convinced that you are an excellent negotiator, in the first half hour you will see your development zones. And this will not be criticism from some abstract people, you will see everything for yourself! How? Due to failures in group games or tasks.

Go where you can face failure! For courses, trainings, business games, complex negotiations, etc. Only there you will acquire unique knowledge about your growth zones. Remember: if you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room!

3. Failure is part of moving forward

Failure is an extremely simple yet powerful marker that you are moving forward. Frankly, if there are no failures in your life, then, alas, you will not develop.

Often we hear phrases like “my experience in this place is 20 years.” But in most cases, this is not an experience of 20 years, but one day, repeated for 20 years. Only failure shows that you are evolving and therefore gaining experience.

If your driving experience is 20 years, this does not mean that you can taxi in a dangerous situation. How to develop experience? Sign up for extreme driving courses and you will immediately face failure, because your twenty years of experience will not help you in any way. If something does not work out, then you are developing.

4. Positive mood

This mental attitude organically follows from the previous ones. If you have failed, it means that you have gained experience, you have seen the areas of your development and, most importantly, you are moving forward. Isn't that a reason to be in a good mood? Of course! So experience the joy of failure! Feel like System 1 resist? “How can you rejoice in failure?!” That's how hard the old mindset pushes us, that failure is bad.

rejoice failure. Rejoice sincerely. And let this joy be reflected on your face.

Vladimir Tarasov, one of the most famous business coaches and social technologists in the entire post-Soviet space, has a very good example - a parable that illustrates this idea. Imagine the following situation. The entrepreneur's warehouses burned down. That's really a failure! He walks with his head down, upset, all in his thoughts. Preoccupied with the question of how to live on, repay debts, feed a family, etc.

This entrepreneur has friends. One of them is having a wedding anniversary, and he and his wife are compiling a guest list. Here the wife says: “Listen, let's call Vasya, your friend, the entrepreneur, because you have been friends with him for a hundred years.” The husband, grimacing slightly, replies: “You know, Vasya had a misfortune, the warehouses burned down. There is no face on him now, he is not up to the festivities, let's not disturb him. And Vasya was not invited.

It seems that nothing special happened. But entrepreneur Vasya has other friends. And now one of them is discussing with colleagues a new, very complex, but potentially very profitable project. And they tell him: "Listen, let's call Vasya, it's just in his competence." And the friend replies: “Guys, you know, Vasya has a misfortune, the warehouses burned down. He doesn't walk on his own. Let's not disturb him for now." So our Vasya missed his chance. And all because he walked heartbroken.

Smile if you fail.

May you be in a good mood. After all, now you will become stronger and take one more step forward. And your authority in the circle of friends and partners will only grow: “Well, indeed, Vasya’s warehouses burned down, millions of losses, and he walks and smiles! It means that we don’t know something about him, about our Vasya. Interesting..."

5. Understanding that not everything brings results

Professional investors differ from beginners in that they never get upset because of losing trades. After all, not every trade can be profitable. If the share of profitable transactions is at least 55%, then success is already guaranteed. Therefore, there is no reason to be upset. Not everything brings results.

If approached with this setting, it is possible to keep System 2 active. Has there been a failure? It's okay, it was planned, it will not unsettle me, I will not be led by the emotional System 1. This means I can keep my cool and move on.

6. persistence

Do you know how many attempts Edison made before he finally managed to design a lamp incandescent with carbon fiber, which could shine for amazing for that time 40 hours? 7 500 attempts!

Edison inspired and continues to inspire millions of people around the world to try again and again. Today, it is widely believed that in order to succeed in any business, you need to put in 10,000 hours of practice. It's a lot. And without the dominance of such an attitude as perseverance, it is unlikely that it will be possible not to lose motivation on this long journey. So be persistent and accept failure. “Every failed attempt is a step forward,” Edison said.

The book "The Mental Habits of a Critical Thinker" will be useful if you want to better navigate the information noise, control the flow of information, distinguish fakes from the facts and make the right decisions.

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