What to do if you fall in love with an ex-partner's friend

Imagine that among the eight billion inhabitants of the planet you finally found the one or the same. A person to whom they have truly become attached or with whom they have even fallen head over heels in love. There is only one catch. This person is your ex's friend or your ex's girlfriend. And what to do in such a situation?

On the one hand, there is nothing reprehensible in starting a love relationship with friends of former partners. An emotionally mature person won't throw a tantrum because you're dating someone they're friends with just because you've dated them before. On the other hand, a lot depends on the relationship between friends, and on your relationship with a new partner. Here's how to figure it all out.

Find answers to important questions

To understand whether it is worth developing a relationship with an ex’s friend or ex’s girlfriend, you need to honestly answer yourself a variety of questions:

• About friendship.
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  How close friendship connects your ex with a new one? What will be the reaction if you start dating his friend or her girlfriend? Did you ask how he or she would feel about it? Does it matter to you that it might upset him or her? Does your ex-partner still have feelings for you? If yes, do you care?
• About your needs. Why do you want to start a relationship with an ex-boyfriend's friend or an ex-girlfriend's girlfriend? What is your motivation? What do you like about this person? What do you expect from a new relationship?
• About the needs of a former partner. What thoughts and feelings does he or she have about your intention to date his friend or her friend? If the situation upsets him or her, why? What exactly is the problem? The important thing to understand here is that you no longer owe anything to your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend and you don't have to make decisions based on his or her best interests. The one with whom you broke up will have to decide on their own whether to continue communicating with a friend or girlfriend or not. But it's their relationship, not yours.
• About the needs of a new partner. How important is friendship to him or her? What will be his or her actions if your former partner says he doesn't want you to date? Do you agree with this approach? Are you both ready to deal with the consequences that your relationship may have?

And finally, the main question - is it worth talking about everything to a former partner? It's best to be honest about what's going on, even if it's the most embarrassing conversation you'll ever have. You can do this before or after you start dating. But remember that you are not talking about this because you need permission, but because you respect your past love relationships and the friendships of your former and current partners.

Set boundaries

Obviously, in such a situation, the relationship of everyone with everyone becomes confusing and complex. Therefore, from the very beginning it is necessary to mark the boundaries. For example, agree with a new partner that you will not discuss your previous relationship or even see your former partner. It is important that these agreements suit everyone. If you feel that you are being pressured or forced to do something, this is a bad sign.

Do what you think is right

Most likely, your mutual acquaintances will be divided into two camps: those who will understand you, and those who will condemn you. However, if you really love a person and see a future together with him, and he reciprocates, the past should not stop you.

Both of you need to decide if you are ready to face the stigma and misunderstanding from others and work on the relationship. If both you and your new partner want to be together, you have every chance to pass through this test. In time, things will calm down. So do not give up happiness because of public opinion.