How to turn adulthood into the best and happiest time of your life

Most of us have quite active, busy lives, so to-do lists are chock-full of tasks, and that's just for one week! No wonder the search for happiness is constantly put off until later. The time has come to fix it.

According to psychology professor Margie Lachman, the middle of life is a rather stressful, but nonetheless very good period. This is a bridge between youth and maturity and an important stage with its own responsibilities, changes and requirements. The time of transition as we approach our 40s does not last forever, it can - and should - be enjoyed.

Each of us is predisposed to happiness to varying degrees: some experience it much more often than others. However, as the scientific director of the research center at the University of California at Berkeley Emilian Simon-Thomas assures, this skill can be “pumped”. Here's how to do it.

study yourself

If over the years you lost ourselves and you no longer understand who you really are, it's time to deal with it. Psychotherapist Shini Ambardar, who specializes in happiness, notes that self-love gives us an inner sense of peace and fulfillment.

Make a list of everything that makes you an individual, including everything you like about yourself. A strong sense of self-worth will help you to be less dependent on external factors - fashion items, compliments and likes.

Maintain social connections

In our life, everything is constantly changing: friends come and go, the circle of friends expands and narrows. The main thing is to maintain strong ties with a few of the closest and most beloved people. Thanks to their support, we feel better.

Science also confirms this. The study, which included women aged 31 to 77, showedFriendships, Subjective Age, and Life Satisfaction of Women in Midlife / Wiley Online Librarythat those who see friends several times a week are much more satisfied with life than those who meet with loved ones only a couple of times a year.

Find your purpose

If you often use phrases like “I will be happy when…”, then you have become a participant in the “hedonic race”. And this is one of the main factors that “steal” happiness.

The problem is that even when we achieve what we dreamed of — like getting a promotion, buying an apartment, or updating our wardrobe — we immediately begin to think: “OK, what's next.” We are never completely satisfied with everything that happens. This does not mean that you need to stop setting goals for yourself and go for them. You just need to stop judging yourself by your accomplishments.

Instead, determine why you do what you do. For your children? For a secure existence? Maybe you want to write a book that will influence minds? Or become an important member of society and hold a high position to help people? Find your purpose and rediscover the meaning of life.

Feel part of the community

Just like strong friendships, our feeling of happiness is also affected by the feeling of belonging to a particular group. It is helped to shape "book club" meetings, board game nights with neighbors, and other shared activities.

Experts note that social connections are one of the main and reliable "predictors" of happiness throughout life. If you find it difficult to socialize, try initiating conversations with strangers more often. Gradually, you will get to know those around you much better and begin to feel like a part of the community.

Create positive emotions

One of our most common mistakes is believing that material things can make us happy. Of course, leaving the store with purchases or picking up an order at a pickup point, we experience a surge of joy. But it rarely lasts long.

True happiness is given to us by completely different things. Among them are breathtaking moments (an affordable way to feel this is to get out into nature), laughter (even if it is associated with a funny TikTok video), new knowledge and curious discoveries. Try to bring these moments into your life more often.

Deal with negativity

The main secret of happiness at any age, especially during periods when we are going through major changes, is the understanding that it is impossible to constantly be in a great mood and enjoy life.

Feeling negative emotions is completely normal. But to ignore them and “squeeze” positive out of yourself at any cost is not. They even came up with a name for this - “toxic positivity”, and it has a very bad effect on our emotional state.

“Stop forcing yourself to put on a smile is an important component of happiness. It is about being true to yourself,” says psychotherapist Shini Ambardar. If you're sad, give yourself permission to be sad. If you're tired, admit it. Respect your feelings and emotions.

Learn to deal with stress

Small stressors, such as a domestic fight with a loved one or a passive-aggressive letter from a colleague, have a cumulative effect. But the problem is not the stress itself, but how we deal with it.

Maybe you just roll your eyes and get on with your business? Or, on the contrary, do you think about the conflict all day until you finally wind yourself up? One study showedS. T. Charles, J. R. Piazza, et al. The wear and tear of daily stressors on mental health / Psychological Sciencethat in 10 years such reactions can turn into chronic diseases and mental disorders.

Self-care and breathing exercises are just a couple of examples of practices that help manage stress. Another effective technique is to try to identify which message is causing the stress. Perhaps he is telling you that it is time to clearly define personal boundaries in relationships with others or stop overworking. This useful information will help not only fight stress, but also destroy its main triggers.

Take care of yourself

Endless fast food snacks, abandoned workouts, nightly hangouts with friends and a couple of glasses of wine in the morning - many of us once led such a lifestyle. Yes, in youth it is much easier to maintain it, but by the age of 40, a hangover comes from one glass, and you want to sleep already at 21:00.

“With age, the consequences of past bad habits become more pronounced, for example in the form of health problems. The good news is that middle age can still change. What you do in the middle of your life greatly affects how you age,” explains psychology professor Margie Lachman.

Review your habits. What is your menu? Are you getting enough sleep? How often do you move? Try to be more aware of yourself and your body.

Be grateful

Gratitude is a key component of happiness. It helps to return to the present and remember how many positive moments there are in our lives. But you can get much more from gratitude if you “plunge” into it.

Let's say you're glad it's sunny outside today. Why not sit by the window for a couple of minutes, take a few deep breaths and enjoy the moment?

Think about what you are grateful for, and then feel the emotions associated with it. This practice will help reduce stress and improve mood.

Look at life from a different angle

Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph.D., believes that happiness does not depend on external circumstances. In the second half of life, we often face illness, loss of loved ones, and other difficult and unpleasant changes. But the prejudice that suffering and happiness cannot coexist is fundamentally wrong. Hope and light can be found even in the darkest of times, no matter what comes your way.