11 awful things the Vikings would expect

1. Unhealthy atmosphere in homes

You've probably heard that the Vikings lived in long houses. This is a typical Scandinavian dwelling of that era - a large and elongated building with only one room. There is a hearth, a bedroom, a dining room, and a workshop. Have you already imagined cozy gatherings in the light of the hearth?

Men drink beer from curved horns and tell stories, while blond beauties spin and sing merry songs? Well, that's not all.

You probably wouldn't like the long house, because not only the Vikings lived there with their families, but also their livestock.Viking homes / The National Museum of Denmar. Not all Scandinavians were wealthy enough to afford the luxury of a barn.

Livestock, such as pigs, goats and cows, were simply put in a far corner and separated by some kind of wooden partition so that they would not stagger around the house. This was especially useful in winter, since the animals warmed the house with the warmth of their bodies.

In addition, keeping your breadwinners close at hand was more reliable: there is less chance that a neighbor to whom you rudely while drinking honey will steal some goat from your barn simply out of harm.

But, of course, animals not only made the air in the room warmer, but also added many new and various aromas to it.

Very poor ventilation worsened the situation.Living Conditions and Indoor Air Quality in a Reconstructed Viking House / EXARC: the house had only a chimney hole in the ceiling and one door. There were no windows. Because of this, the Scandinavians suffered greatly from the carbon monoxide created by their foci, as well as from a variety of respiratory infections and lung diseases.

The constant smoke of the premises caused the inhabitants of the long house, especially women and children, bronchitis, cerebrovascular diseases and cancer. Naturally, all this was attributed to Odin's anger or tricks Loki.

2. Onion soup instead of X-rays

You've probably heard the common belief that chicken broth helps when you're sick. The Vikings also loved soup, only onion, and they kindly gave it to the suffering. For example, those who were stabbed in the stomach with a sword.

Scandinavian women forcibly floodedSeeds in the Snow. Agricultural Practices of the Vikings / ISAAA onion soup into the throats of the wounded, and then healers were allowed to sniff the bloody stomachs. If the doctor smelled the onion, everyone understood that the patient's stomach or intestines were damaged. Such wounds were not yet able to heal, and the unfortunate man was doomed.

Therefore, he was quickly finished off - let Odin help in Valhalla, medicine is powerless here. And healers could direct their energies to those who could be saved. And save medicinal herbs.

3. Cuts on teeth

Nowadays, people wear braces to make themselves beautiful. smile and charm others. In the days of the Vikings, they had not yet been invented, and the harsh Scandinavians paid more attention to intimidating enemies than decorations.

Some warriors sawed off their teeth to make the grin look more menacing. It was a kind of status symbol.

In 2006, anthropologist Caroline Archini conducted a studyC. Arcini. The Vikings Bare Their Filed Teeth / American Journal of Physical Anthropology 557 Viking skeletons and found that 24 of them had horizontal lines on their teeth that formed an ominous pattern.

Another scientist, William Fitzhugh of the Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History, reportsNew Studies show Vikings filed their teeth, had female warriors and loved bling / ZME Sciensethat the Scandinavians could borrow this fashion from the peoples of West Africa, where they also swam during their travels.

But it is more likely that the custom was derived not from the Africans, but from the Indians. Some Native American tribes used fine cuts to do the same pattern on their teeth. And yes, the Vikings drove to the New World for a long timeDiscovery Could Rewrite History of Vikings in New World / National Geographic before Columbus and even founded colonies there.

The grin with such teeth was clearly extremely frightening. In addition, the cuts symbolized the warrior's incredible resilience and contempt for pain. So this, most likely, was a sign of military initiation - incisors were sawed for young men to make them men.

4. Swimming for survival

Naturally, the harsh Vikings were fans of outdoor activities. And besides a simple and boring struggle - who can be surprised by half-naked guys throwing each other from a deflection into the snow? - they also had more extreme sports. For example swimmingW. R. Short. Games and Sports in the Viking Age / Hurstwic for survival.

It is nowadays that athletes simply jump into the pool at the signal of the coach and try to overtake their opponents. The Scandinavians had slightly different rules.

The winner in the swim was not the one who comes first, but the one who can keep the opponent's head under water longer.

Naturally, such competitions were rather brutal and dangerous. Moreover, some Vikings are reported toDid Vikings Know How To Swim? / History Answers in their sagas, they swam in armor to show their prowess and endurance. And even if these were not full armor, popular in the Late Middle Ages, but simple chain mail, they still did not add buoyancy.

So it was easy to drown - considering that your comrades also helped you in this.

5. Easing slaves

In Vikings, Ragnar Lothbrok was so kind to the new slave, thelstan, that he practically made him a member of his family. He addressed him as an equal, did not touch him with a finger and did not burden him with hard work. And on the first night in a new place, he also offered the monk his wife Lagertha, and she accepted the idea with enthusiasm.

But the real Scandinavians were not at all so friendly to their captives. Rather, the opposite is true.

According toVikings raided monasteries to feed demand for eunuchs in the east, historian finds / Medievalists historian Maria Valente, most of the largest monasteries in Ireland, Great Britain and France suffered from the Vikings, who were engaged not only in robbery, but also in the slave trade. The Scandinavians purposefully attacked God's houses, and not because they were staunch haters of Christians. The reasons were purely pragmatic.

Firstly, there was always a lot of jewelry, as monasteries collected donations and church tithes from all over the area. And secondly, it was full of literate people, because novices were taught to read. And such slaves were worth much more than uneducated peasants.

Literate prisoners were especially appreciated in the countries of the Middle East and in Byzantium. There they worked as teachers, bookkeepers, harem keepers or palace servants. But before the prisoners were considered suitable for such an activity, they were brought to Venice (the center of the slave trade of those times) to be castrated en masse.

It is logical. Eunuchs in harems will not be distracted by any temptations from their work.

So even if the Vikings did not kill their enemies, there was still nothing to be happy about.

6. Abuse of women

Women in the company of Vikings also had a hard time. No, of course, they treated their ladies relatively good. Because you shouldn't anger your wife who looks after your house while you are sailing. But girls of other nationalities should have stayed away from them.

In English there is a proverb don’t cut off your nose to spite your face - “don’t cut off your nose in spite of your own physiognomy”. Its analogue in Russian - to spite my mother, I will frostbitten my ears. And origin storyL. Oliver. The Body Legal in Barbarian Law / University of Toronto Press this phraseological unit is rather gloomy.

While educated monks were taken into slavery by the Vikings and made eunuchs, they turned nuns into concubines. And those had no choice but to hope for God's help. However, some brides of Christ were ready for the most decisive actions in order to save their honor.

For example, in 867 a group of Scandinavians invaded Scotland and attacked the largest monastery there, Koldingham. The trapped nuns realized that there was nowhere to run. Then their abbess, named Ebba, declared that the barbarians would not get it, and disfigured her face with a knife. The sisters followed her example.

Seeing what the young nuns had done to themselves, the Vikings were so shocked that they preferred to get away from these fanatics.

True, before this, the valiant Norwegian warriors barricaded the exits from the monastery and set it on fire. So the nuns saved their honor, but not their lives. The abbess, for her decisiveness, was later canonized as Saint Ebba the Younger. Something already.

7. Unflattering nicknames

You've probably heard that the Scandinavians had different nicknames, for example Erik the Red or Ivar the Boneless. These creative pseudonyms were given to them by comrades for better recognition. The Vikings did not have surnames - only patronymics, and it was necessary to somehow distinguish them.

But the Vikings did not always get flattering nicknames.Viking Nicknames / Medievalists. The historian Paul Peterson from the University of Minnesota, having studied the sagas of those times, reports that besides all the Bloody Axes and Mighty Hands, among the Vikings there were guys who were less fortunate. For example, Eystain Dirty Bzdun, Aiden Liquidhaired, Thorstein the Loser, or Ulf Cross-eyed.

The nickname could even be given posthumously. One Viking, Njala Thorgeirsson, was nicknamed the Firefighter because he and his family died in a fire when enemies set fire to his house.

Nicknames were given to women as well. It's easy to guess what stood out for Fat Tordis. Although sometimes they called it on the basis of the opposite: it was said about a certain Little Tord in the sagas that he was "the tallest of all people, and, besides, he is strong and strong."

In general, if the northerners decide to call you something, pray that the call sign was, for example, "Ferocious", and not "Stinky" or something worse.

8. Various parasites

The Vikings were awaited not only by external, but also by internal enemies.

In 2015, a group of scientists from the University of Copenhagen discoveredDNA study: Vikings were plagued by intestinal parasites / Science Nordic in the deep layers of the soil near Vyborg, a Scandinavian latrine pit, which was used in the period from 1018 to 1030. They examined its contents and found an impressive number of eggs of a wide variety of helminths. Tens of thousands.

Martin Soe of the University of Copenhagen's Center for Geogenetics called the discovery "exciting." But this makes it no less disgusting.

As modern genetic research showsVikings, Worms, and Emphysema / Archaeological Institute of America, the Vikings had so many helminths that their DNA changed from this. Even now, when modern hygiene conditions have kept infections to a minimum, Scandinavians have abnormalities in the synthesis of a protein called A1AT.

Centuries ago, he helped their ancestors not to die from the toxins produced by parasites. Today, its excess is more harmful than beneficial, and often causes pulmonary emphysema.

9. Blood poisoning wounds

As you can easily see, Scandinavian medicine was not so-so at the time. Lack of understanding that wounds it would be nice to rinse and disinfect, it often turned out to be death for them. Sometimes it came to curiosities.

In The Saga of the Orcneans, recordedH. Pálsson, P. G. Edwards. Orkneyinga Saga: The History of the Earls of Orkney Between 1192 and 1206, an unknown Icelandic chronicler tells the story of Sigurd Eysteinsson, Jarl of the Orkney Islands, nicknamed the Mighty. Jarl, by the way, is a tribal leader, and from this word later came earl, that is, a count.

In general, once Sigurdu was challenged by the Scottish leader Mael Brigte - he really did not want to pay tribute to the Vikings. The parties made a promise to each other to fight with small forces, 40 warriors on each side.

However, Sigurd at the last moment decided: "I am the master of my word, I wanted - I gave, I wanted - I took away." And he took 80 fighters with him.

It is easy to guess that the victory was for the Scandinavians. As a warning to the rest of his enemies, Sigurd hung Mael Brigte's head on the saddle. And during the race he injured his bare thigh (apparently, it was summer outside) on Mael's teeth. An infection got into the wound, and the winner died of gangrene.

Sigurd's example teaches us two things. First, always treat even the smallest scratches. Secondly, when leaving the house, do not forget to put on your pants.

10. Unsafe makeup

In general, the Vikings were very fashionable guys: they loved beautiful jewelry (it was not for nothing that they robbed monasteries!) And used makeup. Moreover, men did it almost more often than women.

Arab traveler Ibrahim at-Tartushi, who visited the Danish city of Hedeby around 950 AD. e., claimedG. D. Peterson. Vikings and Goths. A History of Ancient and Medieval Sweden following.

The northerners also have artificial eye paint. When they use it, their beauty never goes away. On the contrary, in both men and women, it only increases.

Contemporary researchViking Eyeliner from Sea to Sea / University of Notre Dame show that the Scandinavians let their eyes down with mineral acids, which are very harmful to the skin. In addition, they used "leave-in" paints containing lead and sprayed squeeze from a plant such as belladonna into their eyes. It contains atropine, a substance that dilates the pupils.

Apparently, a look like Bambi was considered attractive by the Norwegians. However, atropine is toxic and can cause chronic vision problems.

11. Sophisticated fraud

In modern popular culture, the Vikings are usually represented as a kind of noble barbarians - rude and aggressive, but straightforward. However, in reality, the northerners were still those swindlers and did not shy away from deceiving others.

So, there is reliable informationG. Schönberger. Narwal-Einhorn. Studien über einen seltenen Werkstoffthat the Vikings traded with the Eskimos and bought narwhal tusks from them. What for?

To sell gullible Europeans for fabulous money, passing them off as unicorn horns.

The inhabitants of the Middle Ages believed unconditionally in the existence of these fabulous animals. It was believed that their horns, the so-called alicorns, had healing powers. So many simpletons gave their money to the northerners in a vain attempt to cure diseases or obtain a universal antidote. Naturally, the tusk of the narwhal did not possess such properties.

So, as you can see, the Vikings were not at all simple and straightforward, as they are used to thinking.