7 reasons why relationship work is overrated

The phrase "relationships need to be worked on" is used so often that it is perceived as an axiom that requires neither proof nor explanation. Meanwhile, this advice leaves so much room for fantasy and interpretation that it may not help, but turn life into torture.

1. Not all relationships are worth working on.

The idea itself may not be bad. To prevent the fire of feelings from dying out, sometimes it is necessary to throw firewood into it. Which ones is another question. However, this approach leads straight into the trap: if the relationship does not work out, then this is a person to blamethat he did not work on them enough. And therefore, after parting, people risk going straight into the abyss of guilt and shame. And even if not, then there will definitely be those who will push them to the edge: "they did not save", "they could not."

But let's face it: in some cases (far from isolated) it is better to cut without waiting for peritonitis and not pumping a lot of energy into trying to maintain a relationship that never really happened. It's romantic to think that couples are made in heaven. In fact, they are formed haphazardly and persist for different reasons. Going on a first date, it is almost impossible to guess how the relationship will develop and how a person will manifest himself in a month, a year or after the wedding.

Not necessarily one of the partners will turn out to be bad. Individually, both people can be good. Like pieces of a mosaic from different sets: they can make someone happy, but they cannot be assembled together in any way. So wouldn't it be better to stop trying to force a square into a triangular hole and look for someone suitable?

2. The norm of the volume of work is not clear

Work in general can be different. Someone goes to a modern clean office with free smoothies, and someone waves a pick for 8 hours a day. One works from call to call, the other stays in the office and works on weekends. The first deals with amazing colleagues and attentive bosses, the second is sandwiched between a tyrant-leader and scandalous clients.

This is all work. And which model relates to relationships: smoothies and fun, or overwork and abuse?

Obviously, any couple has crisis moments. And you have to make some effort to overcome them. But if the relationship is a continuous crisis with rare outbursts of well-being, it seems that the resource is going somewhere in the wrong place.

3. Questions remain regarding the allocation of responsibility

They start working on relationships when something goes wrong. In peacetime, such language is rarely used. And then there is a problem associated with the desire to take full responsibility for the well-being of the relationship.

For example, when one partner has cooled down, the second begins to climb out of his skin, mainly changing it to lecherous underwear, and tries in every possible way in other ways. However, only two people can overcome a crisis in a relationship. No matter how hard a person tries, he cannot cope alone.

But if both partners want to deal with the problem, then you should not loudly call what is happening work, this is the natural course of the relationship. And, by the way, a crisis situation can be resolved by parting: no tragedy if both become happier in this way.

4. Work has a beginning and an end

Work is a kind of temporary history. If we talk about professional activity, then there is a clear schedule: 5/2 or 2/2, weekends and holidays, and then - pension. Any other labor also has a start and a finish. Also, the motivation for work is pretty clear. Since you worked in the office, you will receive a salary. After cleaning, you can walk barefoot on the floor and not stick to it. If you cut a stool out of a log, then you don't have to buy it.

Temporarily working on relationships will not work. Here you will not be able to complete all missions, defeat the final boss and save at a certain point. Relationships are a process, not a result. For them to be good, you do not need to catch yourself at the last moment, but live in a certain way. Do not force yourself to do something, just to stick a plaster on the wound, but constantly maintain balance and take care of yourself and your partner. Of course, it is possible to act out of the way so that everything will work out for a while. But where will this lead?

5. You already have a job

She can be awful or awesome. But you get tired of almost any job from time to time, suffer and you wonder if it's time to find a new place. And it is also a certain inevitability: you need to work so that you have something to buy bread and other food.

Romantic relationships are an optional part of life. And if you also constantly suffer from them, get tired, burn out, then you have to figure out why to endure all this. If a person already has a job, why would he come home and work on the second shift? Relationships are needed for joy, support, a sense of security, peace of mind. Even if not every second is impossible, and disagreements are inevitable, but mostly.

6. You don't have to work on relationships

This implies somewhat artificial behavior. If it were organic, then the person would not have to strain, he would just behave as usual. But it didn’t work to be yourself if it became necessary to fix the relationship.

You need to work not on relationships, but on yourself.

Because everything else will be ineffective. Relationships are not a roof on their own; they cannot be patched. But you can work with the sources of the problem. And this is either you, or a partner, or circumstances. Blaming the partner for everything and demanding changes from him - thankless job. Few people sincerely want to transform themselves from under the stick. Circumstances are not always our control. But you yourself can improve endlessly. If there is a real need for this, of course.

7. If a relationship is a job, it's a so-so relationship.

The word "work" in general is not very well perceived, which is confirmed by thousands of memes about the despondency of Monday and the joy of Friday. The popularity of trainings with advertising “I started something”, quit and I live on passive income ", and wisdom like" find a job for your liking, and you will not have to work a day in your life ".

But at the same time, for some reason, no one says: find yourself the right partner, and you will not have to work on the relationship. And this is how it happens. Relationships become very simple when you meet someone who shares your goals and views on key issues. The partner should become the best friend with whom you can unite in case of problems, and not swear. You will cherish such a person and take care of him. And this, by and large, is enough.