How an empty chair can help relieve anger and resentment

What is an "Empty Chair"

This is a gestalt therapy exercise in which a person talks to an imaginary interlocutor sitting opposite him in an empty chair. The speaker's task is to express everything that is in his soul, all the thoughts and feelings that the counterpart evokes. They also often try to simulate a dialogue, that is, to be responsible for the interlocutor. In the role of the latter, they canPull up a chair / The British Psychological Society be not only living or dead people, but also something symbolic, such as a goal or an inner critic.

Exercise invented by the founder gestalt therapy Fritz Perls in the 40s of the XX century. Most often it is done together with a psychotherapist.

Why Use the Empty Chair Technique

Several optionsWhat Is The Empty Chair Technique And Why Do Therapists Use It? / BetterHelp.

To sort out your feelings

Starting a dialogue about the problem that bothers you, you may not even suspect how you really treat the interlocutor. But during the exercise, you will identify your true emotions. Your words, intonations and gestures may show anger, fear, sadness, hopelessness, or any other feeling. When you notice this, you can deal with the problem.

To express feelings freely and get rid of them

Sometimes it is difficult to show real emotion in a one-on-one conversation. The other person may interrupt you, change the subject abruptly, or close down emotionally. Another problem is that you may be judged if you openly complain, get angry, or cry.

You do not need to worry about this during the exercise. You can say whatever you want to an empty chair. This will help get rid of negative emotions, overcome pain.

To get rid of the guilt

A small study showedY. W. Trijayanti, J. Nurihsan, A. Hafina. Gestalt Counseling with Empty Chair Technique to Reduce Guilt among Adolescents at Risk / Islamic Guidance and Counseling Journalthat exercise reduces a person's sense of guilt towards themselves or others. The thing is that in front of an empty chair it is easier for a person to understand the reasons for what happened, to admit his mistakes.

To resolve internal or interpersonal conflicts

Modeling helps with this.Gestalt Therapy: The Empty Chair Technique / MentalHelp.net dialogue, when you present a complaint to the interlocutor on an empty chair, and then move to his place and answer yourself out loud. This allows for a better understanding of the opponent and perhaps even accept his point of view.

To deal with psychological trauma

During the exercise, you will be able to express everything, for example, to an imaginary parent who was once rude to you, or to an abuser who threatened you. You can finally answer the way you would like at that moment. And at the same time you will be completely safe.

To sort out the relationship

It is rather difficult to objectively assess the relationship. Sometimes it is difficult to be completely honest with your partner, and this can lead to misunderstandings. By having an honest conversation with an empty chair, you can identify the problems you need to solve.

What's more, as you exercise, you'll likely notice things that weren't so obvious before. For example, the fact that the relationship is unhealthy or, on the contrary, they make you happy, but you still want to change something.

To prepare for a difficult dialogue

Suppose you are about to have a serious conversation with a person with whom you are on a bad relationship. Due to an upcoming meeting or call, you are probably worried about what to say and how, or fear that you will miss something. The Empty Chair practice will help you talk ahead of time and thereby reduce anxiety and stress.

To improve communication skills

When emotions take over, constructive dialogue is impossible. The "Empty Chair" technique helps to get rid of unnecessary worries and anxiety. Also, with its help, you can learn how to correctly formulate your thoughts.

Is it possible to do the exercise "Empty chair" at home

Yes, but it will be more effective with a therapist. Firstly, because he will be able to look at the problem from the outside and with the help of leading questions will not let you get away from the topic. Secondly, if at some point your emotions reach their peak and you cannot calm down on your own, a specialist will help you to do this. Thirdly, an unprepared person is unlikely to cope with psychological trauma on his own.

However, you can still try to free yourself from emotions. American family therapist Stuart Kaplowitz recommendsAnger 101 Part III: The Empty Chair / GoodTherapy their patients do this exercise as needed in order to splash out negativity towards someone or something. It won't get any worse from what you say.

How to do the exercise yourself

Make sure that you are in a comfortable environment, there is nothing distracting you and there is complete silence around.

Take an empty chair, place it in front of you and sit opposite. In the initial stages, a chair is required, but in the future you can do without it.

Imagine as a person or something symbolic (for example, laziness or inner critic) sits on an empty chair. It is better to compose his portrait in as much detail as possible. If you're having trouble, don't worry and just start talking. In the process, you may get the impression that you really see the other person in front of you.

Unleash your emotions and express what you are feeling without being embarrassed in expressions. If you want to shout, shout.

If you want to build a dialogue with an imaginary interlocutor, just take his place and start answering yourself.

An important condition: take what is happening seriously and say what is in your soul without jokes. Only then will the exercise be truly effective.

When you realize that you have nothing more to say to someone or something that is on an empty chair, just say goodbye to the image and imagine how it gets up and leaves.