Do not blurt out too much: how to talk to people who have sorrow

The principle of correct communication with people in crisis or trauma, formulated Susan Silk, author of the Los Angeles Times. It works for any crisis: medical, legal, romantic, even existential. Support - inside. Suffering - out.

Several years ago I was at the funeral of one person. He was very cheerful, positive, good. The people were the sea: it all adored. I was holding the arm of his wife receiving condolences with a straight face. I especially remember one woman. She sobbed hysterically and told long as it is heavy in which she was shocked and how awful for her, that "such a wonderful person no more." And I just felt the skin, as the wife of a wonderful man begins to boil and strain.

I can understand that woman. Everyone was shocked. Everyone was sad and lousy. But to say what she said to the man, to whom she said, it was a mistake. Why? I'll explain now.

A circle

Here is a man, which had an accident. He goes to the center. The next layer - a husband, wife, children, relatives (not only blood, but also for a real relationship) family. Perhaps, but not necessarily, the best friend or girlfriend. Next - good friends. Next - friends and colleagues. And then the rest.

Support - inside

If you speak with someone from the circle of less than yours - keep, comfort, listen, work vest. It is not necessary to advise. Grieving in a coffin seen your advice, or if you just believe in zhelezobetonno Council values ​​- tell your doctor or a person in a similar position. But do not close.

Do not tell me how hard you how you hit on this story because of him she hit harder and they are now indifferent to what you feel.

Maintain, and if you do not know what to say, say nothing. Perhaps people just need to talk.

Suffering - out

Here is your opportunity to vent sore. Candidates for students - people from your own or a larger circle. They can tell you how you're scared, because your family has a history of cancer, too, and you live by the sword of Damocles, or tell how you cried all night and can not get out of my mind this tragedy. All tips are there too. Not because the people in your circles and large they will help, but just to make them to those they will not be offended.

Of course, if you happen to be in the central circle (I hope not), you can whine, complain, grumble at fate, asking "why am I ?!" and the mother of the injustice of this world as heart desires. This is perhaps the only advantage of this situation.

The principle works for any crisis: medical, legal, romantic, even existential.

Support - inside, suffering - out.

Have you ever support people in a difficult life situation? How do you do it?