"When give birth?": How women are taken right to their own body

Being a mother - is not the only role of women

A woman can be anything, but the company stubbornly forcing her role as a mother with a kindergarten. Countless times she has to hear: "You still give birth." But it is not pronounced the desire to take care of. The woman - a valuable reproductive material, the feelings and desires that many do not realize.

From a certain age, "When rebonochka give birth?" Sounds a little less than "How are you?". And they say it is not always a close and interested people. Sooner or later the question spills over into categorical "It is time to give birth!". To hear that may be anywhere from a dentist's office and ending the interview. Of course, everyone knows better what to do woman who came to install the seal or lead a branch of the company. And if she suddenly up the courage and said he did not want to have children in the course are the manipulation of various kinds.

1. you selfish

As if there is something wrong. Take care of themselves properly. But the source bite a woman because she does what she wants, and not what he wants. Who's more selfish?

2. later regret

Much worse would be if a woman gives birth and regret. It happens"I regret that I gave birth to" why women want to return everything backThough this is not to say. The voices of these mothers have only recently begun to sound, and their condemnation. But hush it is dangerous, because such an approach creates a misconception about motherhood.

3. Need successors kind

If the family was not Einstein or Kulibina, the need to continue the race is somewhat exaggerated. The lack of heirs, in this case for mankind, is likely to pass unnoticed.

4. mankind is dying

No, overpopulated planetPopulation: UN Information. Task pererozhat some population group initially hopeless. A shift responsibility for humanity to the particular woman silly.

5. You just have not met that same man

"From that very soon you'd wanted child" - say the "caring" people. Apparently hoping that companion will go to prove that the man. Sometimes it works.

6. But if you were not my mother I decided to give birth?

Nothing would have happened, as it were hard as it sounds. Have children or not - the choice of the parents. To impose a sense of responsibility for the child it is very strange. He did not ask him to give birth.

Reasons why women decide not to have children, can be mass. But discussing them does not make sense, because it would be an attempt to rationalize the foreign "do not want" to find an explanation. Although it is one and simple enough: it is not our business. Someone else "do not want", if we are talking about their lives - their arguments.

individual decision not only is nobody's business, but has little effect on humanity as a whole. Because most women prefer to give birth. Many of them warned of the possible risks and still hesitant to take this step. But the imposition of a permanent role of mother as inevitable, however, can have an impact: a woman gives birth against their will and becomes trapped in for years to come.

Representations about motherhood past shrouded in myths

One may rend the air high-sounding phrases about the destiny of women and say, as modern mores have changed the world. That's just always been people who do not want to have children, for various reasons, or where any of the primitive methods of contraception.

Bible Onan, for example, after sex merged seed into the ground, for which he was punished. Coitus interruptus is still used as a prevention method, but it is ineffective, as well as other natural methods of contraception. However, men have always been a way to avoid unwanted child - to escape.

Women in this respect, birth control was more difficult. Contraception was not working, pro-choice - primitive and very dangerous - it was punishable. They give birth to many children not because they wanted to, but because they had no choice. Their number is governed only by the presence or absence of sex, but also here the arms of a woman was not enough: the culture of rape, including within the family, was born yesterday.

Leaf pictures of love and well-being in large families are better left propaganda. In the rich care of posterity he delegated many nurses. The peasant life welcomed the extra manpower, but the extra mouth - not very.

Still waiting for the first more or less happily. The father, of course, waiting for his son. <...> more or less indifferent to who will be its pervenky For the mother. To the father daughter refers completely indifferent. The same ratio, however, exhibits to the second and third son. The mothers usually begin to tire already the third child. If a woman starts often give birth in the family to this, of course, disapprove, do not hesitate to sometimes make rude remarks about it.

Olga Semenova-Tyan-Shan, "Life" Ivan ": sketches from the life of the peasants of one of the black-earth provinces"

And worries about the baby in the mother not so much. At first, he "falls into the dirty cradle, where he serves as the parent litter dirty old ponova". And then, if he has an older sister, comes under its wing: mother's something we have to work in the field and at home. Over the years, the volume of the parent working in childcare has increased multiply, and now a child requires more time than the notorious seven in the shops. Therefore, to give examples of how earlier in the field gave birth every year, only out of ignorance. In addition, the number of births is not equal to the number of children.

Consequently (honeymoon young age. - Approx. Ed.), the first children are born weak (the first two or three children) and usually do not survive. This sometimes happens from complete even the inability to handle a young mother with a small child. Young mothers are often "fall asleep" children, ie pridushivayut them accidentally in their sleep. <...> A good half of the women "overlaid" in their lives even one child - most often in his youth, when he sleeps soundly.

Olga Semenova-Tyan-Shan, "Life" Ivan ": sketches from the life of the peasants of one of the black earth provinces"

Now the infant mortality rate is 5.1Russia: preliminary demographic results of 2018 (Part II) per 1 000 live-born infants in the XIX and XX centuries - 34BUT. G. Raszyn population of Russia for 100 years. When the child grew up, the dangers of not getting smaller, because for them no one looked after 24/7, as it is now. So the image of the blossoming of the Madonna and Child is very far removed from the harsh reality.

XX century brought effective contraception and the right to abortion. As soon as there is a real opportunity to control the number of children women have done it. At the end of XIX century in the one woman in the Russian Empire had an average of 5.93Janson Yu E. "Comparative statistics of the population" child, now - 1.6Russia: preliminary demographic results of 2018 (Part I). And it clearly demonstrates that motherhood is not a universal form of happiness.

Lack of information makes the life miserable for women

Though the happiness of motherhood and non-universal, it does not mean that it is a rarity. Most women truly love their children and consider them to be one of the most important achievements in life. It operates a number of factors, such as hormone oxytocin affection and constant proximity.

But to justify all the maternal instinct is not necessary. Man is a little more complicated. Much of his behavior depends on the socially accepted norms, social roles and specific identity. The result is that a woman can love all the kids in the world, or love her, and the others can not stand, or be indifferent to the children, or have different attitudes to their offspring. And it does not mean that it is something wrong.

There are problems with the company that behind the myths of motherhood hides the reality and does not allow women to make informed choices.

She fed with promises, like everything will be fine, and at the same time ignore the problem. Women are denied the simple opportunity to weigh the "pros" and "cons." Although awareness of the risks does not necessarily lead to the fact that she refuses to pregnancy. Simply, it can provide a solution to potential problems in advance to facilitate their task.

Pregnancy - the best time in a woman's life

For some, it is. Others suffer from toxicosis, The increased load on the spine, gestational diabetes, edema, hormonal surges, constipation, urinary incontinence, and many other unpleasant things. It's one thing when you know about all of this and is willing to endure, because really want a baby. It's quite another if instead of magical nine months get hemorrhoids - literally and figuratively.

Childbirth is also not a walk in the field, even if there were "only a" rupture of the perineum. Add to this the not always delicate gynecologists. In 2016 it took place flashmob in social networks # nasilie_v_rodahIn which women shared their horror stories. It turned out that many are faced with rudeness, insults and medical procedures without their own consent.

The lack of information about the real state of things, first of all, prevent changes that might occur with the same gynecologist. Secondly, unprepared woman remains alone with a bunch of problems, feel cheated and abandoned. And she said to those who have more recently put pressure on her promises happiness of motherhood? Correct: "Just think, you're not first, you're not the last" and "she decided to give birth."

God gave bunny, and give the lawn

Society lawn witnesses claims that children fed with breast milk and holy spirit almost to adulthood, before him also can go to a suit, and a variety of "razvivashki" - the machinations of traders who make a foolish mothers. Therefore, children - it is almost free.

In fact, it's not quite true. For the maintenance of the child in Russia may goExperts have calculated the cost of maintenance of the child hundreds of thousands of rubles a year. Save where you can, but not to the same extent as luzhaechniki claim. Especially the long-term project. For example, there is a direct link between poor financial position and unwillingness to learn and early pregnancies in girls.

At birth, the child's family loses much of its income, as one of the parents is forced to leave the job. If in the first half, the size of the grant depends on the salary of the past in the decree, then at the end of this period, the family receives 50 rubles. And this should be ready.

You're a bad mother if ...

A good mother's children are always in a good mood, friendly, educated, well-dressed. She at the same time in 100% knows what to do with them, how to heal, to teach, to educate - it's a woman to sew the subcortex as the ability to run the washing machine and wash the floors. Good mother never gets tired and does not dare to doubt that she is happy. If it is at least some side does not fit into this scheme - it is bad.

And this whole tragedy, because the woman got into the new conditions, suffering from lack of sleep, worry. In such a vulnerable situation, she can really believe that the problem in it. What if she was a good mother, and tried a little better, then it would not have any problems - that's how these motivating mothers of Instagram.

In reality, everything is different, and this, too, must be ready. As well as to postpartum depression, Which occurs in 10-15% of women and requires treatment. But reproaches and accusations, lack of money and deceived expectations will only get worse.

A child is not a proof of love

Separate hazard - Reproductive domestic violence. In a society are exaggerated stories when insidious deceiver secretly pregnant and filed for child support. It is completely ignored by the reverse situation. But a man loses about 6000 rubles per month (average size alimony), And the woman at risk the health and career, as most maternity leave and sick leave for child care she takes.

Reproductive violence consists of several factors:

• Boycott contraception. Partner Pierce condom removes it during intercourse, throws the pill.
• Rape - without contraception, of course.
• Emotional blackmail.

To the last point are not only threats like "If you do not bring forth, gone." It's too alarm bells. Much more dangerous than a soft persuasion: "I want a kid, if you like - prove it", "I know you do not want to, but you make me the happiest man on the planet". Why is it necessary for men? For many reasons: to continue the race, to bind to a woman. Finally, he may genuinely believe that it would be better, because such behavior can not be read as violence. But it is them.

The State encourages fertility whip

The state does not hide its interest to Russians became more and something to do that. For example, there is a listDecree of February 25, 2000 N 162 It is forbidden for women professions, which means 426 specialties. And they are all connected with the work of his hands and head, genitals nowhere involved. The list is made on the basis of factors that are hazardous to women's reproductive health and affect the health of future generations.

Women themselves, as usual, forgot to ask if they need such care in the form of a ban and if they are going to multiply in principle.

Such a list could exist in the form of a warning that a woman could itself make a choice. It is fair to note that the work in many professions from the list of women do not rush - as men, however. Nobody chooses heavy, dirty, harmful work, if you can avoid it. Everything depends on money.

For example, in St. Petersburg subway train engineer promiseSalary Subway drivers after training salary of 58 thousand rubles - and it is forbidden for women's profession. Salary on duty at the reception and departure of trains is much more modest - from 37 thousand. Urban trolley buses, which usually belong to the municipal unprofitable businesses, often run by women. But the more profitable long-distance buses to control it is forbidden.

Now this list is intended to reduce theMinistry of Labor has proposed to reduce the list of prohibited occupations for womenBut not destroyed.

Not the first offer and displayIn the State Duma sent a proposal for the removal of abortion from the MLA abortion from the compulsory health insurance system. Physicians are encouraged because dissuadedA week Kamchatka doctors could dissuade women from abortion 16 patients from abortion. Exactly how they do this, unfortunately, is not known. It is possible that threaten and intimidate. All this, obviously, put in a vulnerable position of women in the poorest segments of the population. Because defenders of the embryos is not very worried about what will happen to the mother and child further.

But we know that will continue to benefit in rubles and 50 storiesDirector of the Department of Youth Policy - the children: "The state did not ask parents to give birth to you"That "the state does not ask you to give birth."

It is time to climb into someone else's uterus

The problem with many advisers is that they do this not out of malice, but simply without thinking. Although there is something to think about. For example, why the first woman condemned for the fact that she does not have children, and then - because it is. Not a day goes by in Facebook who is not troubled noisy children on a plane or in a cafe.

If you really care about the quantity and quality of the population, social and economic pressure on women - a bad way. Conscious procreation will show much better results.

To do this, we assume that motherhood - a voluntary choice.

The absence of a child does not make a woman a bad or defective. If she decided to pregnancy and childbirth, she must be complete information about the possible problems in order to minimize them. But there is a group of women who did not dare to motherhood is not because they do not want children, but simply a sober assessment of their capabilities. Helping them could eliminate the punitive gynecology and labor discrimination, long-term support of motherhood (not allowance of 50 rubles).

It would be an invaluable help in the escape from social isolation. On maternity leave, many women find themselves tied to the baby, and then a large part of the responsibility lies with them. Mothers sometimes want to talk to people my age, with a children's playground outside.

Much of this - care of the state, but this does not mean that the ordinary person is powerless. At least you can stop pestering the woman with the yardstick of the ideal mother, roll his eyes, if Decree man takes. Finally, remember that there are people around the uterus with his plans and desires, which should not make excuses for their choice.

Motherhood should be aware and informed, and the birth rate - to encourage support measures, rather than bans and intimidation. Share this text to bring: a healthy society can not be built on violence, including reproductive.