What if you always feel uncomfortable
A Life / / December 19, 2019
Who is affected by social awkwardness
1. People with a certain type of personality
Most often it is psychasthenic - often hesitant, anxious people, which can be difficult to approach strangers and to take up a new business.
Clumsiness, feeling of tightness, stiffness inherent in the most pronounced introverts, who are accustomed to close contact with only a narrow circle of people, as well as individuals with high anxiety. These people are going through, that can give the wrong answer, the offending person or appear unsuitable.
Olesya Zvagolskaya, psychologist, teacher of psychology
2. Insecure people
Person of any type of person may feel uncomfortable in society, if before long been condemned by their peers or parents. Even a very sociable and optimistic people may fall self-concept under the influence of negative experiences and being in an aggressive social environment.
Do I have to deal with it
Shy person usually does not happen ringleader and soul of the company. However, such people often have other important qualities such as sensitivity and delicacy. A typical example - the director Woody Allen, which is a natural shyness did not prevent to become famous all over the world. So the main thing - to accept yourself for who you are, and learn how to use it.
Not always uncomfortable serves poor quality, to be fought. Rather, it is a good diagnostic feature that helps to deal with their inner world. In some situations, the awkwardness can act as an additional opportunity to enter into communication with the right person and to establish emotional contact with him.
Gregory Bakhin, practicing psychologist, online service Executive domestic services YouDo.com
If self-consciousness prevents you to live and achieve their goals, try to change the attitude to this line of conduct and develop new strategies. Completely same change your personality type you do not get.
With characterological qualities fight meaningless. This is not something bad, is not a flaw, a part of your personality. On it you need to know and take into account when making decisions. For example, do not go in the special forces.
Ilya Shabshin, counselor, author
How to get rid of the awkwardness
1. Pinpoint your purpose
In any case it will not prevent a plan and understanding their goals. Think about situations in which you prevent embarrassment: in communion with the opposite sex, With the authorities and officials, new people, or with friends, too? Imagine what will change in your life when you will overcome his social awkwardness. This will help you understand yourself better and to inspire further action.
Always stands first puzzled the inner side of the issue, namely, self-leveling and removal of anxiety, and then the specific techniques of communication.
Olesya Zvagolskaya, psychologist, teacher of psychology
2. Think cope Do yourself
Sometimes a lack of confidence and increased anxiety may be symptoms of social phobia and other serious disorders. On the Internet there are tests to determine level of depression and the presence of social phobiaBut it is better not to get involved in self-diagnosis. If you think you have something like this, contact a specialist.
3. Start small
It is a versatile piece of advice for all situations, but here it is particularly important. If a person psychasthenic type will expect too much from yourself, it is only exacerbate all. There are workshops in which you need to approach strangers on the street and ask them for money or hugging. Do not start with these exercises, if they scare you to death.
4. Know yourself
The root of many problems that a person presents himself not what is actually. The more we know ourselves, the less afraid to seem ridiculous and somebody does not like it.
Our main fear - do not justify their own expectations. The feeling of unease arises when we do act at variance with the illusion of himself.
It is necessary to understand their real features and afford to make errorsBecause they are not insured by anyone.
5. Change the focus of attention
When a person is confused, he is completely focused on themselves and their feelings. Instead, direct the attention to the other, genuinely interested in someone's life or a story. Eventually, it may even be unfair: perhaps your opponent did not even notice your shyness or mistake, and you have it does not listen and go in yourself.
6. Choose carefully the social circle
It is very difficult to improve self-esteem, if your loved one over you or make fun of asserting themselves at your expense. Get rid of psevdodruzeyAnd such colleagues and relatives keep a maximum distance.
7. Keep records
Make a plan, write down all the successes, phrases for communication templates. There is no shame in using a crib sheet for self. In addition, the written information is better absorbed.
8. Read books on psychology and self-development
Many of them really help to drastically change her life. Awkward people especially recommend books about language gestures and facial expressions, such as "The new body language"Allan and Barbara Pease and"Difficulties in communication"Andrew Kurpatova.
9. Just wait
With age, people accumulate experience and less responsive to the opinions of others. So what else will be solved by itself as a problem. Of course, this option is suitable only if the timidity and shyness is not much preventing you from living.
10. Do not take everything at his own expense
Remember: if someone is rude or not very talkative, the case is likely not in you. Probably, this person behaves with all or just in a bad mood. Insecure people are often too insecure and take any negativity personally.
But we are not responsible for someone else's behavior, but it can control your.
11. Know their own worth when trying to establish contact
Avoid negativity, but not whiny, and do not be silent, when you have offended. Better blushing and stammering to say that, you will be hurt than to retire in silence, swallowing the insult or did not understand the situation.
12. Remember, before you have many successfully passed this way
Hence, it is really for you. Good luck!
see also
- Because of which there is self-doubt and how to overcome it →
- 9 books on psychology that will help sort out their problems →
- 11 habits that will make you successful →