As I hacked gadget launched in the Stone Age

Hi, my name is Yuri Balabanov, I was born in 1960, thirty-five I launched pretty thoroughlyAnd then a few years looking for a way how to get out of the "hole". Now I share with you my experience. All the photos that illustrated the story, made in 2012, the year. Them to me 52 years. "Winter pictures" are here to have some fun and cheer you at this time of year. So, in any case, do not run through the snow naked at the initial stage, which will be discussed in my story.

Got out of the "hole" and standing on its edge, I looked at myself in the mirror. Looked at me has almost forty uncle, calm and confident. In the background - clean apartment, in the head - work; all gracefully, at least inside, in my thoughts. Outside, to the harmony of far away, but for this I bought awesome sneakers Adidas and elegant shape! With adidas and c shape, stacked in a sports bag, I went to a nearby fitness club, gently passing through the puddles to the car, and as cautiously came out of it near the clubhouse.

In the club I was subjected to all sorts of tests, hung on the body as a tree, a bunch of glowing gadgets recording heart rate and respiratory rate. Then I was asked to run on the treadmill. Special camera recorded the angle at which my shoes hit the surface of the track. The wrong angle, and everything - life lived in vain.

Half an hour later I received a folder with printed "User self-administration," which had to learn before tomorrow, or for classes I was not allowed. The instructions were clearly given the speed of the track on which I have to run, and the initial weight that I have to raise. All this smacked of order and at the same time scared of their scientific character.

After twenty lessons, not having moved me forward a step, the coach, holding me in the corridor, explained that there are some "little things" that will help me instantly to budge and even get pleasure from training. Legal change is called "protein supplement" and change is not entirely legal, but more effective - Shvartsenegil :) I stopped for more efficient, paying for a dozen vials of a large sum.

Even after the first injection and the subsequent occupation muscles began to swell so that nearly bursting the skin. Increase the volume of the calves, biceps stood out in relief. However, the stomach is also increased, but it has ceased to be flabby. From the side it seemed that I conceived of tennis balls.

From this moment with headphones on my ears, I was running on treadmill, winding kilometers, lifted weights and pedaled bicycle. Specially selected music plunges me into a pulsating cosmic atmosphere of distant galaxies.

The atmosphere in the club was so magical that go out after training did not want to. Moreover: the fantastic music played in headphones than were kinder to me-athletes colleagues, the more hatred, I thought about the reality that awaits me there, outside: mud, dirt, ice penetrating through the wind... But I had my clean and bright flat, and in front of all of us waiting for spring, when it will be possible to resume the outputs to the street.

Spring did not disappoint and came, as usual, in the spring. Finally, the time has come when you can show all the results of his hard work in the field of fitness club. To begin with, toying with muscles, I went to our democratic, internationalist yard. Mothers strolling with children, looking at me with admiration. And when I put on a mighty hand six-year daughter Spaniard Carmen, even the windows began to peek people admiring my strength and agility. Children playing in a sandbox, asked me to help them to build a sand castle. I climbed into the sand, quite pleased with himself, and digged in the child more than an hour. In the evening it became colder, and I said that I'll move, put on a jacket. Depart and hear the children talk to each other: "Oh, those grandfather! Eternally they are cold outside! "

I almost slipped in a puddle not. "GRANDFATHER!!! But what about the muscles and everything else, with the hard-won fitness club? "Children whose mouth speaketh the truth, it was confirmed that all of this crap. Despite the biceps, I - the grandfather. Old people are freezing in the streets.

Back in her cozy apartment, I began to think. And indeed: the whole winter, while I listened in horror weather and basked in the car on the way from home to work and from work - out in the fitness center, children happily playing in the snow, bursting into laughter when the snow got them for scruff of the neck! I this winter was frightened Neanderthal man, hiding in his cave-apartment, and small trot ran in other warm cave-house; Cave-sports clubs; cave-restaurant ...

Hand involuntarily reached for Large-Soviet Encyclopedia. "Natural defense mechanism allowed the cave people to survive in a hostile environment - was written there. - When the threat appears from the outside in the body Neanderthal accumulated a sufficient amount of fat to survive without food for up to two months or more. "

Everything became clear. My fat - not a backpack with books: the book pulled, and the backpack is empty. Natural defense mechanism, this "gadget", launched Neanderthal my grandfather, sitting in my body! And when I was horrified to look out of his cave to the street, full of wind, cold, saber-toothed tigers and mammoths, he carefully nashpigovyvaet me a new fat - a "rainy day"! The conclusion is clear: we must cut down this gadget telling your body that "outside" everything is in order.

The first thing I did on the street, it came voluptuous new snow-white running shoes in the spring mud. To walk - so to walk!

So I began to explore the world, lying outside the warm cave. He splashed through the puddles, throwing around him a cloud of dirt and splashing; Sometimes from the exciting me childish delight switched to run, forgetting the injured meniscus. When the cold spring wind knocked down, I ran to meet him, repeating, like a mantra: "I am not afraid of the wind, because I am - the wind!" Of course, no headphones on my ears are not hung: listening to the wind whistling, honking cars and birdsong was much nicer than the space music that lead away from reality.

In late spring, the wind gave way to cold rains. This time I said to myself: "I can not get sick, because I am the rain." To keep warm, I hammered hands in the air, squatted, leaning on the bridge railing, pushed away from the stone parapet, standing along the road. In June, at the beginning of the summer, I decided to take a dip in the flow of the Elbe, and in July it crossed the canal with a lifeline, herpes began to fade stomach. The first rays of the sun hath looked upon me, giving the first white body pink tan. Gradually disappeared accumulated fat for a rainy day, and along with them - hindering the movement of "banks" in the hands and feet. It was then that I discovered that the extra muscles that are so prized by bodybuilders only interfere climb trees, climb the empty containers at the port, and just run. My main aim was now not appearance, but the convenience and ease of movement: only moving quickly and easily, knowing the terrain and the soil on which you step, you can merge with nature.

The fitness club, I appeared at the end of the summer to pay for missed classes and pick up a registration card. I entered the hall lean and bronzed by the sun. My former colleagues continued to copulate with gym, diligently comparing their actions with instructions for self-application. From the news, which are usually divided for a long time have not seen each other, I found out that someone had broken his leg slipping on ice; somebody stepped in a puddle and fell ill. Belotelov, with haggard faces, club athletes at that time passed the first phase of cultivation, by typing ninety kilograms of muscle mass, and have moved to the second stage: drying. When we went out together from the hall in the pouring rain, they had opened over a umbrellas, rushed to the parking lot, and I had fun sprinted through the puddles in the direction of port containers.

- Casting sport? - they shouted at me followed suit.
- Giving.
- It is in vain, because it is only at the gym, you can properly build muscle.

But I already knew that this was not the case. At the gym, you can build muscle in order to skillfully deal with simulators. But I do not live among simulators. Forty percent of the life of a healthy person passes out warm "cave" - ​​on the street. Good soldiers are trained in the conditions in which they will fight. If you'd like to know about it five years ago, when the bend at me had left the car! If I had owned the street and a way now, I would have simply jumped over this car, how to jump through a five-foot fence flood!

The items on which I thought at this time

• Exercising on the equipment, I have to adapt to the shells. Exercising on the street, I adapt to the street. With shells I do not live. On the street I spend 40% of their time.
• Street Knowledge protects my life: I have less chance of slipping on a slippery road, because I'm running on it. I'm less likely to sink, fell through the ice, because I "fall through" to the winter almost daily. I'm less likely to get sick, getting wet in the rain, because I soak through under it willingly and with joy.
• I just need to see the "given." We cheer in particular because our view is constantly rests on the wall.
• Motivator, yelling in my ear: "Do not podtyaneshsya again, will lose a hundred points," much less a motivator in my head, softly whispering, "Do not podtyaneshsya, you pick and break it down."
• The merger with nature, disable gadget nashpigovyvayuschy me fat "rainy day", and he who sows panic in my head.
• Disabling Neanderthal gadget activates the hidden reserves, but more on that next time :)

© Yuri Balabanov