What to read: the first chapter of "Infinite Jest" - one of the greatest novels of the XX century

Year "Joy"

I sit in his office, surrounded by heads and bodies. My posture is deliberately copied the shape of the hard chair. It is a cold room in the university administration, with upholstered wooden walls, paintings by Remington and double-glazed windows, cut-off November's inferno, isolated from the noise of the administrative reception, which has just taken Uncle Charles and Mr Delinta me.

And now I am here.

In the space of a summer sports jackets and poluvindzorskimi nodes along the polished pine conference table where plays Spider highlight Arizona afternoon, hanging three persons. It Dean: Student Admission, sports and scientific work. I do not know what belongs to whom.

I think I look restrained, perhaps even friendly, although I was told that we should not depart from the polite restraint and to portray friendliness or a smile.

I'm trying to cross his legs as gently as possible, ankle on knee, holding hands on his trousers. Fingers clasped in a castle, for me they are like a mirror a series of letters H. The rest of the people in the room for interviews: Dean of the University Department of literature, tennis coach and vice-rector of the Academy, Mr. O. Delint. Ch T. next to me, the other - respectively, sitting, standing, and standing - I see only a corner of his eye. Tennis coach rings a trifle in the pockets. It seems the air is worth barely noticeable gastrointestinal smell. Corrugated soles of my sneakers sponsorship naykovskoy parallel shaking Lofer half-brother of my mother. He's here as a rector of the Academy, he is sitting on a chair like as my right, too, in front of the deans.

Dean of the left - a thin and sallow, his frozen smile reminiscent of a subtle impression to the unyielding material - refers to the type of people that I especially appreciate in recent years: it does not require any answers, presenting my story for me, for me. Received from resembling a shaggy lion middle dean pack of prints, skinny, with a smile starts a conversation with the pages rather than with me.

- Your name is Harold Inkadentsa eighteen years, the average date of the end of the educational institutions at the moment about a month studying in Enfildskoy tennis academy boarding, Enfield, Massachusetts, where I live - it rectangular reading glasses are similar to two tennis courts, felled on the side. - According to the coach White and Dean [unintelligible], you - a promising junior tennis player, with regional, national and continental ranking, potential member ONANSUA; White coach decided to enroll you in a team as a result of correspondence with Dr. Tavis present here, which was the place to be... starting from February this year - the top of the page carefully moved to the end pack. - You're on accommodation in Enfildskoy tennis academy seven years.

I wondered whether to risk scratching the chin to the right, where I wen.

- Coach White tells us that, in his opinion, the program and the achievement of Enfildskoy tennis academy deserve every respect and that University of Arizona team has gained a lot in the past due to the enrollment of some former graduates of ETA, one of whom, Mr. Aubrey F. Delint present with you today. White coach and his team convinced us ...

These yellow administrator poor, but I have to admit, is extremely clear. In the Literary Department of overkill with eyebrows. Right dean somehow strange looks at my face.

Word takes Uncle Charles: he realizes that the deans are predisposed to be wary of his statements, as is quite possible, he like a too ardent advocate of ETA, but it can present to assure that all of the above is true and that now Enfildskoy tennis Academy trained ten of the thirty top junior tennis players in all age categories, and I usually respond to "Hal" - "of the cream. " The right and middle Deans professionally smile; Delint coach and bow their heads, left Dean clears his throat:

-... that already in the first year you can help the university tennis team to achieve great success. We are very happy - whether he speaks, or reads, removing the page to the bottom of the pack - that the competition of some considerable importance It gave us the opportunity to talk with you and discuss your application for possible admission, training and the provision of scholarships.

- I was asked to add that Hal was seeded number three in the discharge of individuals under 18 years at the prestigious Southwest invitations games "Votaburger" in Rendolfskom tennis center - says, presumably, Sport part. He bowed his head, I can see his freckled scalp.

- The Randolph Park, near the famous complex "El Con Marriott" - inserts Ch T. - the whole contingent of the Academy in one voice said that it is the highest level court, and ...

- That's right, Chuck. And that, according to Chuck, Hal has already justified the sowing, he reached the semi-finals, winning, apparently, an impressive victory today morning, and tomorrow he again played center with the winner of today's quarterfinal match, if I am not mistaken, I have been appointed to the 08:30…

- They're trying to start before the start these parts infernal heat. Well, at least be dry.

-... and, it appears, has already passed the qualification for the continental tournament winter indoors, in Edmonton, as reported by us Kirk... - he lifts his head up and to the left to look at the coach, whose white teeth smile literally shines on the background to sunburn face. - And it's really quite impressive - Dean smiles, looks at me. - Is everything correctly, Hal?

Ch T. calmly folded his arms; his triceps are covered with loose cool sun glare.

- It's like that. Bill.- he smiles. His mustache always look like something crooked. - And I'll tell you even more: Hal very excited, pleased and excited that it invites third consecutive year on the invitation, he was glad to go back to your favorite places, glad meeting with alumni and your coaching staff, as well as what has already justified such a high seeding with a rather strong competition this week, so far remains in the game, and, as they say, his song is not sung, so to speak, but, of course, most of all he was glad the chance to meet you, ladies and gentlemen, and look at the local conditions. All that he is here seen in its class.

There was silence. Delint fidgets back on the wooden wall panels and change the point of support. My uncle rosy smiles, straightens and so smooth watch strap. 62.5% of people in the room look at me with pleasant anticipation. Heart pounding in his chest as the shoes in the washing machine. I'm trying to portray the face that, I think people will take for a smile. I turn back and forth quite a bit, as if addressing a smile to all those present.

Again, silence. Brow yellow decane form parabola. The other two look at the Department of Literary. The coach made the move to wide window, stroking korotkostrizheny head. Uncle Charles stroked his hand just above the clock. The gleam of a pine table moving sharp curves shade of palm trees, shade animals like black moons.

- Chuck, with Hal okay? - asks the sports part. - I think he's... well, grimaced. He has something hurts? Do you have something hurts, son?

- Hal healthy as an ox, - Uncle smiles and shrugs at ease. - Just at it, let's say, perhaps, facial tic, very small, adrenaline, because it is in your very impressive campus, and justifies its seeding, and has not yet given a single set, and now received a formal offer in writing from the coach White not only without registration fee, but and with a scholarship to reside, on the letterhead of Pacific-10, and is ready, it is likely, he told me, right now to sign the national agreement of intent - Ch T. look at me, look at it is frighteningly good. I act wisely: relaxes facial muscles, erase from the face of all expression. Carefully fix our gaze in kekuleansky August Kekule (1829-1896) - German biologist, opens the ring structure of a benzene ring. Dean tie knot in the center.

My silent answer the waiting silence somehow affects the atmosphere in the room, dust and pellets with jackets swirl near an air conditioner and pull is enough dancing in an oblique ray of light from the window, the air above the table - both over a glass of freshly poured seltzer. Coach with a slight accent - neither the British nor the Australian - says Ch T. that an interview with the applicant, even if it is usually a formality and nice to have a more memorable if you give an applicant to speak for itself. Right and middle deans bowed to each other, something quietly discussing their bodies formed a sort of tepee of skin and hair. I guess, most likely, a tennis coach confused "give the impression" to "give the impression", although at that time "Influence", even more than the awkwardness, from the phonetic point of view is more appropriate here as the mistake. Dean of flat yellow face leaned forward, grinned it seems depicts alarm. He brings his hands over the surface of a conference table. His fingers seemed to mate, I disengaged my series of four "X" and firmly grasping at the edge of a chair.

We need to openly talk about the potential problems associated with my receipt, they are with me, Dean begins to speak. Then he starts talking about openness and its significance.

- My department has accumulated some questions about the results of your tests, Hal - he looks at the color table of standardized assessments in the trench, formed his her hands Selection committee reviewed the results of the tests, which - I am sure you know yourself and be able to explain - which, let's say below... average.

Waiting for an explanation from me.

Obviously, this is really quite sincere yellow on the left and Dean is the head of the selection committee. And, of course, the little bird figure on the right, therefore, part of the Sport because the wrinkles on his face bearded dean at the center have developed into something vaguely resembling to express resentment that seems to say, "I-eat-some-shit-and-very-pleased-that-I-am-what-it-wash down", - professional expression of doubt in the scientific workers. So, unpretentious Fidelity Standards sits in the middle. My uncle looks at the sports part, as if confused. Slightly fidgets in his chair.

The discrepancy between the hands and the color faces Admission Commission is simply amazing.

-... the result of oral exams a little closer to zero than we used to see in students, especially when compared to akademspravkoy of education establishment, where he held executive positions your mother and her brother... - it reads directly from the sheet in an ellipse hands -... Judging by that, over the last year results, but decreased slightly, but under the "bottom", I mean that they have become prominent, while the last three years were just incredible.

- Beyond.

- In most schools do not put fives with several advantages, - says the Literary Department, Dean of the expression can not be interpreted.

- This... how shall I say... mismatch - Selection committee says, his face expresses sincerity and concern - I must admit, is a kind of warning signal of potential concern when considering your candidacy for receipt.

- Thus, we ask you to explain this discrepancy, if not directly - scam - the Training of the thin voice, quite absurd, given the huge size of the head.

- Of course, under the "incredible" you mean a very, very, very impressive, and not just "improbable", of course - says Ch T. seems to have his eyes on the coach, who is standing near the window and rubs his neck under the neck. Landscape behind huge glass lean - a blinding light and a hot haze over cracked earth.

- In addition, you provided us with not two, as it should be, and as many as nine introductory works, some of them volume with the entire monograph, and all without exception... - new sheet - evaluated various reviewers as a "Brilliant" ...

Litkafedra:

- In its evaluation, I deliberately used the epithet "lapidary" and "sophisticated".

-... but in the fields and with such topics - I'm sure you remember them well, Hal, "Neoclassical assumptions in contemporary prescriptive grammar" "Application of new application of Fourier transformations in the holographically-mimetic cinematography", "Formation of the heroic stasis in the ether Intertejjnment "...

- 'Montague grammar and semantics of physical modalities "? - "The man who began to suspect that he is made of glass"? - "Tertiary symbolism yustinianskoy erotica"?

Now widely exposing flabby gums:

- Suffice it to say that we sincerely and frankly concerned that the holder of such deplorable results of the tests - though certainly understandable - is the sole author of this work.

- Do not know if Hal understands what you are referring, - said my uncle. Dean of the middle pulls the lapels of his jacket, looking at the dismal data on printouts.

- Selection committee wants to say that strictly from an academic point of view, there are seen problems with the receipt that Hal should help settle. The first applicant for a university - is a prospective student. We can not accept a student if there is reason to believe that he does not cook bowler and his success on the field did not play any role.

- Dean Sawyer, of course, is referring court, Chuck, - says the sports part by removing the head so as to simultaneously handle more and White, standing behind. - Not to mention the rules ONANASS Organization of American Association of Independent Nations University Sports. . Their investigators are always looking for even the slightest hint of fraud.

Varsity tennis coach looks at his watch.

- If we assume that these estimates reflect the true state examinations on the ability of the applicant, - quiet serious falsetto says The scientific part, still looking at documents as if in front of him a plate with something inedible - I will say this: in my opinion, it not fair. Unfair to the other bidders. Unfair to the university community, - he looks at me. - It is especially unfair to himself to Hal. Take the young man only for his sporting achievements - so use it. We are constantly under a hundred checks. If we accept you with your gosami, son, we can blame the fact that we use you.

Uncle Charles White asked the coach to ask the sports part, they began to obstruct, if I had, say, been attractive to sponsors brilliant footballer. I feel the familiar panic due to the fact that I can misunderstand, all chest rattles. I make every effort to sit quietly in a chair, without by the expression, my eyes - two huge pale scratch. I promised to help go through all that.

But Uncle depressed look as if he was cornered. When cornered, in voice Ch T. there is a strange tone, as if he shouts, going the distance.

- Estimates of Hal in the ETA - and here I must stress that this academy, rather than any camp or factory, namely Academy, it is accredited Commonwealth of Massachusetts and the North American Association of Sports Academies, focuses on educating players and students, established outstanding intellectual, whose name, I believe, you do not need to be reminded of strict oksbridzhskoy learning model quadrivium, Trivium, is equipped with all the necessary equipment and staffed by certified personnel, - indicate that the pot boils my nephew so that digest all that is necessary digest in the Pacific-10, and that ...

Delint suitable for a tennis coach, who shakes his head.

-... he would be able to feel what is happening around a distinct taste bias to non-priority sports - says Ch T., crossing first the left foot to the right, then right to left, while I listen calmly and carefully.

Now intense silence in the room became hostile.

- I think now is the time to give the floor to the candidate to speak for themselves - very quietly says scientific part. - It seems to be impossible as long as you're here, sir.

Sport of the tired smiles from under the palms, which massages the bridge of the nose:

- Maybe you wait a moment at the door, Chuck?

- Coach White could meet Mr. Tavis and his assistant in the waiting room, - said Dean of the yellow, smiling into my eyes scattered. -... make sure everything had been arranged in advance, taking into account... - says Ch T., and while his Delinta lead for the door. Tennis coach sips hypertrophied hand.

- We're all friends and colleagues, - says the sports part.

This is the end.

It suddenly occurs to me that the EXIT sign for the person whose first language is Latin, would have looked like a lit red inscription "He's leaving."

I have obeyed the urge to rush out and beat them on the way to the door, if it was sure that this is what eventually will see present. Delint whispers tennis coach. Hear the sounds of keyboards and telephone consoles when the door is opened briefly, then close tightly. I am alone with the governing party.

-... I do not want to insult anyone, - says the sports part, on it a yellow-brown summer coat and tie in fine whorls, - it is not just about physical abilities, which, believe me, we respect and want to see on your side.

-... it was not a question, we do not want so much to talk directly with you, you know?

-... that we know thanks to the previous application, which has passed through the coach's office White, Enfield school is running, though very effective, your relatives elder brother - still I remember how his predecessor courted White, Mori Klamkin - so in this case, the objectification of your estimates can very easily expose question ...

- Anyone - Apus The Association of Professors of universities in North America. , Malicious programs of Pacific-10 ONANASS ...

These works are old, yes, but they are mine; de moi. But they are old, yes, and do not quite match the specified topic of introductory essays in the style of "the most valuable experience of my life." I hand over the job last year, you would have thought it was a two-year child just a peck on the keys of the keyboard - even you, who here uses the word "objectification." And in our new, compact company, dean of the department of literary begins to behave like an alpha in the pack at the same time acquiring a much more feminine habits than seemed at first: put the hip, hand placed on the waist, walking shrugs, rings a trifle in the pockets, pulling up his pants and sat down on a chair, still warm after Ch T., throws his legs and leans so that invades my personal space, and I see a nervous tic and eyebrows net of capillaries in the oysters under the eyes, I feel the fragrance of the air conditioner for linen and has a sour smell of mint chewing gum from his mouth.

-... a smart, sensible, but very shy boy - we know that you are very shy, Kirk White told us that told him your athletic, although and a little prim instructor - he says softly, his hand, it seems to me, on the biceps of my jacket (though it may not be), - you just have to gather strength and tell his version of the history of these gentlemen who are not plotting anything wrong, but just doing their job and at the same time trying to meet the interests of all sides.

I imagine sitting Delint and White, elbows on his knees, as if in a posture of defecation - pose of all athletes taking a break, Delint staring at his huge thumbs until Ch T. it measures the receiving steps describing a narrow ellipse and talking on the mobile phone. For the interview I was trained as a mafia don for the meeting on RICO law. Restrained, unemotional silent. Like a game of defense, where I taught Shtitt "the best defense: let all by itself otskakivayt: nothing Delight". I would tell you anything you want, and even more if what I say is equal to what you hear.

The sports part, sticking his head out from under the wing:

-... it does not look as if we took you only for sporting success. This may cost us to do, son.

- Bill has in mind is how it will look from the side, rather than the actual situation, to shed light on which only you can, - says the Literary Department.

-... how it will look from the highest rating of sports, together with the test results below the norm, abstruse introductory essays and incredible estimates as if arising due to nepotism.

Yellow Dean leaned forward so much that it now just to remain a tie horizontal dent from the edge of the table; his morbid, kind and serious "straight-no-fools" person:

- Look here, Mr. Inkandentsa, Hal, please, just tell me, son, why exactly we do not blame the fact that we use you. Why did not anyone come tomorrow and say, "Oh, poslushayteka, University of Arizona, and you use the same guy here only because of its body, boy that timid and shy that he could not say a word, pitching with false estimates and purchased the opening work. "

Light reflected from the surface of the table at the Brewster angle, rose blossoms on the inside of my closed eyelids. I can not do anything, to understand me.

- I'm not just a jock - I say slowly. Clearly. - Perhaps, in my akademspravke over the last year there is little exaggeration perhaps - but they have done to help me in difficult times. All estimates before de moi, - my eyes are closed; in the office tiho.- nothing I can do to make you understand me - I speak slowly and otchotlivo.- Let's say that today I ate something wrong. […]

- My introductory works are not bought - I say to them, turning red in the darkness of the cave, which opens before the closed glazami.- I'm not just a boy who plays tennis. I have a complicated history. I have experience and feelings. I am a deep person.

- I read a lot - I say. - I study and read. I bet that I have read all that you read. You can believe me.

I swallow whole libraries. I read out the book to the holes. I pounded drives to death. I can get into a cab and say, "In the library, and pull devil!"

And certainly my instincts syntax and mechanics offers much sharper than yours, with all due respect.

But I go beyond mechanics. I'm not a machine. I feel and believe. I have my own point of view. Sometimes very interesting. If you allow me, I would have talked incessantly. Let's talk about anything. I think the impact on the work of Kierkegaard Camus underestimated. I think Dennis Gabor could well be the Antichrist. I believe that Hobbes - a reflection of Rousseau in a dark mirror. I, like Hegel, I believe that transcendence - this absorption. I can speak you to distraction, - I say. - I'm not just a trained creātus, bred for a single function.

I open my eyes:

- Please do not think that I do not care.

I look around. Looking at me with horror.

In the near future, patients rehab Annett House and students Enfildskoy tennis academy, as well as government agents and members terrorist cell seeking a master copy of "Infinite Jest," a film that is rumored to be so dangerous that anyone who will find it dies from bliss.

One of the greatest books of the XX century, standing on a par with "Ulysses" by James Joyce and "Rainbow gravity" Thomas Pynchon, "Infinite Jest" - it is both black comedy and philosophical novel of ideas, text, which updates the very idea of ​​what a genre novel.

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