In some situations it is better to remain silent
Tips / / December 19, 2019
What to do in such situations? To remain silent? Reply? And when it is necessary to answer, and when really it is better to remain silent? Psychologists, as always, they know the answer. Or, at least, try to find a way out of this unpleasant situation.
So, you are in a situation when really want to express everything that you think, but it will be a beginning of the end. How do you know exactly when you can express your opinion, and when it is better to remain silent?
Psychologist and PhD Leon F. Seltzer offers the vision and identifies eight situations when it is better to bite his tongue.
Variant № 1. When you can offend someone, but does not affect the resolution of the situation
If you understand that this is your personal assessment of the situation and it can offend his interlocutor, but it absolutely does not help solve the problem, it is better not say anything. Some people can be very responsive and friendly, but also very impulsive and touchy (and it is a very common combination). Typically, in such a state they do not take someone else's point of view.
What if they annoy you by their actions? Try to parse this internal conflict for themselves, to draw conclusions and try to deal with his disappointment internally, not to express their views to the opponent.
Variant № 2. The question: "the truth is that I turned out badly (I) in the photo?"
Typically, this issue involves two options. First - you try to convince him otherwise at least out of politeness, even if a person really looks awful. The second - the truth, whatever it may be. Both of these options are not very suitable, since in the first case, the person will go in a terrible form of a meeting or workAnd, second, he is very upset. Talk like this right can only be a person with normal self-esteem, which normally refers to a criticism.
In this case, difficult to be original, as this is the version of "better to remain silent than to speak."
Variant № 3. When the source is deliberately negative in you
Very convenient, among other things, because then you can say that it is you started, and accused of rudeness. Very often, thus behaving passive-aggressive people, who do not seem to do anything special, but their behavior and actions of trying to cause the most negative emotions.
When your e criticizes (even constructive), you automatically turns on self-defense mode, and this is quite natural. In this situation, Leon advises not to interrupt the silence to listen to everything and try to answer very cautiously and leave their opinions to themselves, saying they had heard the opinion of the interlocutor.
Variant № 4. When the source excited, and your response to anger him even more
Before trying to impress something too flushed companion, just remember myself in this state - "I do not hear anyone but yourself", right? In this case it is necessary to give the person a chance to speak, to let off steam, and only then gently express your opinion. Any attempt to do so at the time of release aggression will not lead to anything good, and may exacerbate situation, since in this state any arguments, even the most logical, can be put down to the head.
Variant № 5. When the interviewee is trying to annoy you even more
Anger - a very bad feeling that it is desirable to keep to a manageable level. But some very talented people can bring even the most calm to fury. If you feel that inside you grows furious heartbeat quickens, hands start to sweat, then take a few deep breaths... and say nothing. Otherwise, everything said in this state (and nothing good you do not explicitly say) will then be used against you.
It helps it is difficult, but possible. To this end, Dr. Leon Seltzer recommends at least occasionally practiced meditation - it helps to be focused and very soothing.
Variant № 6. When someone is making fun of you
Respond to ridicule - a thankless task, because the original purpose of the offender is just your reaction, whatever it may be. This is especially true when you are dealing with a professional bully (troll). These people can use against you whatever your answer. The only response that they do not want to hear from you - is ignore. So do not give them the pleasure and ignore any attempts to annoy you and make sure that you have answered.
Variant № 7. When you engage in a conversation on topics that you do not understand
There are people who always try to speak only on those topics in which they are professionals, knowing that their companion is not anything in this sense. This is a unique way to raise their self-esteem and humiliate the opponent. Another option - it is the people who always feels right and that is simply impossible to argue.
Never argue with idiots. You get down to their level, where they will crush you their experiences. Mark Twain
You will argue with an idiot?
Variant № 8. When your stress reaction undesirable behavior
The easiest and most eloquent example - children's hysterical to wallow on the floor. Thus the child is trying to make you at least some kind of reaction, and then starts even more hysterical. This is when the little child accidentally fell, skinned knee and begins to sob quietly, watching your reaction. If you are alarmed and began hysterically to ask if everything is okay with it, a quiet sob 100% goes into a loud roar. This I can confirm to you as the mother of 7-year-old boy.
When you're with a calm face lift the child and say, that's okay, everything is healed, and the child is a little pohnychet calm down, but if you start to run around in a panic, constantly asking if everything is okay with it, you hysterical provided. Not only because he really hurt, but also because in this way he will be able to beg you something good to eat or a toy as a consolation prize. This behavior does not always work with parents who have become accustomed to, but it almost always works with grandmothers and grandparents. Unfortunately, some adults behave.
When you read the advice of psychologists, everything seems to be very clear and simple in execution, but when it comes to action, includes the emotions and all the useful information becomes just empty words that you once read in a book or smart article. It seems to me that these eight tips from Dr. Leon F. Zeltser's just pretty simple to implement.
Just before you open your mouth and say, count to himself at least to three, take a deep breath, exhale, and keep silent... ;)