Samosostradanie: 5 reasons still pity himself

How do you self-critical? How often do you criticize yourself for failure, failures, spitting is not 100%? We feel a constant need to prove themselves and the public that we are better than others, but for the failures we have decided to severely punish yourself. Of course, there is nothing unusual or wrong in the fact that people want to achieve better results and to do everything as best as possible. But the problem is that most of us, once again kicking themselves for failing, do not even think about how this process is inefficient and energoomok.

Self-criticism - a trend that is doomed to failure

Kristin Neff, professor of Human Development and Culture at the University of Texas and a pioneer in samosostradaniya studies, says that our self-esteem depends on our competitiveness. When we take part in this race, we become more insecure and anxious. If we fail, we start to criticize themselves, thereby only exacerbating and so is not very enviable position. Faced with criticism, we are in a defensive position and feel crushed. We lose heart, rather than solve the problem.

Moreover, competition causes disruption of social ties. We become less open and practically do not trust anyone, because we are afraid that we will avoid to turn our own friends. Although in reality, people tend to seek not only to success, but also to ensure that they were loved, respected and appreciated. And ironically, self-criticism and constant competition lead to the opposite effect.

Samosostradanie - a healthy alternative, which helps to achieve real results

Then please do not confuse narcissism with samosostradaniem. No wonder the wise men say to you love others, you love yourself. The man is seen that, as he refers to himself. We are at the only life we ​​have one - here and now. Even if We still have thousands of lives (according to some scholars), we still do not remember ourselves the past, so this life we ​​have still another.

Where self-criticism leaves us helpless and confused, there samosostradanie helps us expand their rights and opportunities to learn something new and gives us self-confidence and inner force. Samosostradanii When we value ourselves, not because we are positive, and the other - negative, but because we actually deserve care and concern. As, however, and all the rest. Imagine that you are the one friend who will listen to all your problems, and will spare no advice - that means samosostradanie. Instead of berating yourself, and add even more despair, we must calm yourself, remember that failure is an integral part of all new and there is nothing to worry about. In any case, in this embodiment, your nerves will remain much more whole and it will not affect your health. What can be said about the constant self-criticism, which drives us into a state of stress.

In this tough self-criticism does not mean that person is not able to samosostradaniyu or compassion at all. Very often, people (especially women) is much more compassionate toward others than to himself. Fortunately, it can be learned.

Samosostradanie makes us stronger

Sorry for himself - does not mean immediately stop working and strive for success. Samosostradanie change our attitude and lead to greater prosperity and increased productivity.

Also samosostradanie not mean indulging their desires. For example, our parents took care of our health and make us eat vegetables, do exercises and to brush their teeth, but we it was not very nice. Samosostradanie in this case means the ability to make yourself do what is good, but in fact is not very pleasant process. Love yourself and your body - this is the daily training and proper nutrition, not indulgence laziness and bad habits.

Samosostradanie leads to increased productivity

When you are motivated samosostradaniem, the error will not be for you something painful failure, which leads to defeat. You will perceive our mistakes as a way to learn something new, as the next step in your development. Self-criticism is leading to painful and self-destructive emotions.

People who know what samosostradanie much faster to recover from the fall and continue to move toward the goal. It allows us to stay calm in the soul, and thus maintains our energy. We learn to remain calm and understanding in the face of setbacks and become more productive and successful.

Samosostradanie reduces stress

During the self-criticism activates the sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight) and increases the production of stress hormones (cortisol). And when we are in such a state, it is very difficult to make the right decisions, perceive and process incoming information.

In the balanced state, we feel compassion to ourselves, stands embrace hormone - oxytocin, which is usually allocated in nursing mothers, as well as during the hugs and sex. It causes a feeling of well-being, confidence and loyalty.

But what if the skill of self-criticism we possess in perfection, but self-pity (compassion) and have not learned? Stop kicking yourself for even small mistakes and learn to forgive yourself is very difficult.

practice samosostradaniya

1. Write a letter to yourself. Take the position of a friend who sympathizes with you, and write what you yourself have said to the person who was in the same situation as you. What words of encouragement would you say to him? Set it and re-read again later.

2. Record a conversation with himself. If you can not get into jeans or said stupid critics write words that immediately come to your mind. And then ask yourself, would you say something like that to a friend? What would you say is your friend?

3. Think of yourself mantra samosostradaniya. Neff offers come up with something easy to remember. To a critical moment, you could recall his words and repeat them to yourself several times. It does not have to be positive affirmations. Rather, it should be a reminder. For example: "This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. I can be kind to yourself in this moment and I can give yourself the compassion that is so necessary now. "

4. Meditation. Meditation - is a process through which, by means of contemplation and relaxation, we can weaken the grip of self-critical thoughts and emotions. There are various meditation practices and you can choose the one that suits you best (breathing, meditation).

5. Awareness. Samosostradanie also requires a balanced approach that would allow us to control our negative emotions, and not simply to suppress them and to drive deep into yourself. This state of equilibrium is due to the ability to transfer the experience of others' suffering on themselves and the ability to see the big picture in perspective. Also it is associated with the ability to keep track of our negative thoughts and emotions with openness and clarity.

Awareness - this skill by watching our thoughts and emotions and accept them, whatever they are, without trying to suppress them or to deny them. It is a complete understanding of what happens to us, and the full acceptance of ourselves as we are, without negative emotions.

Learn to listen to yourself, compassion for yourself, accept yourself in this, such as it is - with all the positive and negative aspects - is an art. Become educated in our crazy life rhythm is unlikely to succeed. But learn to stop himself torment for every little thing (around and so there is a large number of people willing to poke us in the nose) is almost a necessity. If we do not want to lose the ability to enjoy simple things and enjoy life. Love yourself and the surrounding catch up after you.