4 Science-Based Reasons Why Even the Nicest People Annoy us
Miscellaneous / / October 31, 2023
Imagine that a new person appears in a company of friends or in a team at work. He is kind, sweet, attentive, everyone adore him. However, he is incredibly annoying to you, and you just can’t understand why. Perhaps it's all down to one of four reasons.
1. Different Personality Types
We are all attuned in our own way to who we communicate with and how we try to find mutual understanding with others. Much depends on our type of attachment and disposition character. In general, the process can be imagined as if each of us is a piece of a puzzle and we are looking for other pieces (people or situations) that suit us.
Our piece of the puzzle is shaped by our early childhood experiences as well as our adult relationship experiences. It helps us interact with those who meet our needs and expectations, and stay away from those who make us feel “unsafe.”
If our puzzle and another person’s puzzle are opposites and do not fit together in any way, we will not be able to communicate closely, no matter how much we would like. Sometimes it’s just that different people’s needs, values and personal boundaries conflict with each other.
Find out more👈
- How different types of attachment affect our relationships and what to do about it
2. Affective presence
This is what psychology calls an effect that manifests itself in how a person feels forces test others. The company of some people naturally relaxes us, while the company of others irritates us, no matter what they do.
Sometimes the emotions and moods of others are transmitted to us. For example, when someone is nervous about boarding airplane, we are also starting to worry. Or, when a person turns to us with a smile, we also smile back. This is how the mechanism of emotional contagion works. The influence of affective presence, on the contrary, is unchanged: it doesn’t matter whether a person is happy or sad, next to him we always experience the same sensations. This is an innate quality of his personality.
3. "Shadow" qualities
The founder of analytical psychology, Carl Gustav Jung, believed that each of us There is “shadow” is a hidden part of the personality that we do not want to acknowledge. We are ashamed of it and wish we didn’t have it.
When we feel ourshadow» qualities in another person, this becomes a trigger for us to dislike him. But if we begin to notice similar subconscious reactions that others cause in us, we will be able to better understand ourselves.
4. Suspicion and jealousy
When we encounter people who are overly kind, polite and pleasant, then Can treat them with suspicion and question the sincerity of their actions. Naturally, this prevents us from getting closer to them.
If you're annoyed by someone who's too nice and everyone else likes it, there could be two explanations. First, you are perceptive and see his true intentions, while others perceive him superficially. Second - you jealous. It can be hard to admit, but when we meet someone who is popular, makes funny jokes, and gets along easily with others, it can really annoy us.
When you're the only one in a group who doesn't like someone new, it's easy to feel lonely and anxious. This can make you doubt your own ability to evaluate others, and also causes self-doubt.
To cope with such feelings, it is important to accept the fact that everyone is different and cannot like each other by default. When we accept our individuality, we also accept the uniqueness of those around us - with all their quirks.
Of course, we can avoid people and situations that become triggers for our irritation. But in the long term it is much better to understand why they cause such a reaction in us, and honestly work through my feelings.
Find out more about the nature of irritation🧐
- “It pisses me off how you chew!” What is misophonia and why some people are annoyed by sounds
- Why some people get annoying for no reason and how to calm your nerves
- 9 causes of irritability and ways to cope with them