What to do if your partner doesn't get along with your friends

Think if this is really a big problem

Perhaps a loved one treats your friends without prejudice. But at the same time he does not believe that they should necessarily become a part of his life. His circle of acquaintances is enough for him, and in his free time he would like to see his friends, and not meet yours.

If you didn’t have mutual friends before meeting your partner and you’re used to spending time in completely different companies - it’s quite normal that each of you will not want to refuse meetings with people he appreciates.

Also, you and your loved one may have interests that cannot be combined in any way. For example, he is an active football fan, and you are ready to spend all your free time at jazz concerts. Or you have been hiking for many years, but he prefers exhibitions and ethno-festivals.

Naturally, each of you has friends who share your hobbies. But there’s nothing to worry about if you’re bored talking about how best to prepare for kayaking, and your partner doesn’t want to discuss the saxophone part in a new track by a popular musician. Or vice versa.

And if the reason for your partner’s cold relationship with your friends is that they don’t match hobbies, consider whether this is really worth considering as a problem. Maybe you should just allow yourself and your partner to spend enough time with those who share your interests.

Talk to your partner about how he treats your friends.

Perhaps your partner really treats your friends coldly, and the difference in interests has nothing to do with it. Ask him what is the reason for his unfriendliness. Maybe it seems to him that one of your acquaintances or friends is a secretive person and not entirely sincere. Or behaves too provocatively. Or defends beliefs with which your loved one strongly disagrees.

Listen to your partner and try to understand why he came to conclusions that were unpleasant for your friends.

Look at your friends through his eyes - suddenly you will really see features in them that you had not noticed before. But this does not mean that you should immediately abandon your friends. Or quarrel with your partner because you think he is wrong.

Tell your loved one what you appreciate in those people to whom he was cool. And let him remain unconvinced. Over time, as he gets to know your friends better, his attitude may well change.

Find out how your friends treat your partner

Maybe your partner’s dislike for your friends is not accidental and he himself did not make a very good impression on your friends. Or they are jealous of you and are afraid that now you will forget about your company. And he responds to them with hostility.

In the first case, tell your friends about why your partner is dear to you. Ask about what causes their coldness. And remember again that over time people often change their attitude towards the same person.

Perhaps your friends will accept your partner once they get to know him better. And he, in turn, will make peace or even make friends with them.

If you see that friends jealous you, try to have an honest conversation with them about expectations and concerns. You shouldn't promise them that your friendships won't change at all. Your personal life will probably require both time and effort.

It's okay if you find yourself unprepared to participate in whatever event your company comes up with. But you value your friends, you are interested in being with them. This means that you will probably find an opportunity to continue communication.

Try to devote time to both your partner and friends

Each partner has friends that the other will not necessarily accept. Therefore, it is worth agreeing that you will not give your loved one ultimatums asking them to choose between you and their company. But he won’t do this to your friends either. It's better to agree on when you spend time together and when each of you communicates with your friends.

Try to trust your partner and not worry about what he does without you. If you feel jealousy starting to overcome you, think about how much time your loved one spent in his company before meeting you. This did not prevent the beginning of your relationship, which means it is unlikely to ruin it in the future. Remind both yourself and your partner of this if he begins to be jealous of your friends.

Think about how to improve communication during joint meetings

There are situations when they cannot be avoided. For example, at important family celebrations: housewarmings, birthdays, anniversaries your couple. Both your friends and your partner’s friends will probably gather there.

Therefore, immediately agree that you both will try to communicate with guests without bias. That neither of you will raise issues that could lead to conflicts. Will not remember old disagreements with the partner’s friends.

After all, there are probably topics that will be of interest to everyone present - try not to go beyond them.

Talk to your loved one about how such events can be a chance to look at your and his friends differently. And try again to establish contacts with them.

In such stories, reciprocity is always important. You promise your partner to treat his guests with respect, and therefore expect that he will greet yours in the same way.

If your partner has few friends, help him become part of your company

It happens that one of the couple is a very sociable person; he has many acquaintances, acquaintances and friends. Others prefer to spend more time in alone. Or you just arrived in a new city and haven’t had time to make any friends yet. In this case, he can claim all the time and attention of his partner. And he treats his friends with hostility, because he feels like a stranger in the new company.

If the first in this pair is you, and the second is your partner, help him get to know your friends better. Don't leave him alone in your company. On the contrary, involve them in general conversations or activities.

For example, hand him a knife and a cutting board if you are all cutting salads together before the New Year. Include in overall work. And tell everyone what dish he cooks better than all the chefs in the world.

And remember again that over time people get to know each other better and conflicts end. And your couple will probably have mutual friends, whom both of you will treat equally well.