6 Toxic Habits You Should Check Yourself Out For

There is a lot of talk these days about toxic people. But this is not entirely correct, because the phrase gives the impression that there are such special individuals who poison the life of others and from whom it is better to stay away.

In fact, it is rather necessary to talk about toxic actions that can really hurt others. And not everyone, but specific people who are sensitive to certain actions. Moreover, absolutely any of us can be toxic at different times. There is no such thing that someone could climb to the top of the mountain and shine instead of the sun the whiteness of your coat. And this is generally normal, because we are living people, not robots. We get tired, we do not always know how to react correctly, and finally, we are simply subject to cognitive distortions.

But it's also okay to find habits in yourself that get in the way of healthy communication and make sure you don't overuse them.

1. Shift responsibility

There is such a cognitive bias as fundamental attribution error. This is a person's tendency to explain other people's failures by their behavior and personal characteristics, and their own - by circumstances.

For example, someone agreed to meet with a friend. Suppose he has already arrived, and a friend is in a traffic jam. And now our hero impatiently marks time and thinks: “Well, what a disrespect, he does not value my time at all. Obviously, there will be traffic jams at the end of the working day, but you can leave early.” But in a similar situation, he will easily attribute his lateness to transport problems and will not feel guilty.

In itself, this is not so terrible, because circumstances do change independently of us. And if you only blame yourself for everything, this is unfair and does not contribute to mental health. But you may know people who are always to blame for everything and everything, but not them. In their speech, you can often find the wording "it just broke", "it happened". As if there is no their participation in different events. And this makes communication very difficult, because it is difficult to rely on lovers of this approach. And you can also be guilty.

Therefore, it is important, given the circumstances, to still take your part of the responsibility for what is happening. Life consists of explicit and implicit agreements, and a more conscious approach to it makes interactions of various kinds better. And also responsibility gives freedom, because it allows not only to recognize problems, but also to make decisions independently.

2. Being too hard on people

The fundamental attribution error has another side: we blame people for their mistakes and their qualities. And it's one thing to think so. But often we quarrel with others and even refuse them help and sympathy, because they themselves are to blame.

But others are also not omnipotent and cannot see the future. Sometimes they are partly responsible for what happened, and sometimes bad things just happen. And people sometimes need support, or at least the absence of aggression in their direction.

Therefore, sometimes it is better to slow down and look at the situation more comprehensively. Is it really the person's fault? And even then, does he really deserve to be ignored or blamed?

3. Kibitz

Many people do not like being given inappropriate advice or comments on their actions. But this is just the case when the proverb about the mote in someone else's eye and the log in your own is appropriate.

It is sometimes difficult to resist advice, we are brought up in such a culture. Moreover, we sure: we want the best for the interlocutor and we know exactly what to do in his place. But those who give unsolicited advice to us are also not some villains, they are guided by the same principles.

Therefore, it is important to ask yourself first whether the remark is appropriate, and then the interlocutor: does he need your opinion and advice.

4. do good

Advice is one thing, it's easy to talk. Another thing is real help, sometimes it seems to us. And here we go bring good and eternal. For example, we arrange an interview for a relative, arrange a blind date for a friend, buy something for a grandmother, and generally take care of everything. And then we are surprised that we are not grateful enough.

But real help is not just doing something for a person, guided by the best of intentions. And do what he really needs and useful. And for this, if he himself did not ask, it would be nice to clarify how and in what form you can help.

5. Devalue problems

Unfortunately, we are rarely taught how to support another person. When we see someone upset or anxious, we become uncomfortable. And one of the natural impulses is to “fix” the interlocutor. Tell him to think positively, that this is not a problem, but the starving children of Africa are serious. And in general, let him just stop being sad and smile.

Only it doesn't work that way. If any difficult feelings could be canceled, we would all walk like a girl in a helmet from a joke - always smiling. But suppressing your emotions is not only difficult, but also harmful if done regularly. And when a person upset or anxious, his problem seems to him significant. So that's who she is, no matter how serious she really is.

Another thing is that we ourselves do not always have the resource to listen, understand, support properly. But in this case, it’s better to just not interfere than to get by with on-duty phrases.

6. Apologize for show

Asking for forgiveness is also a skill. Feeling wrong is unpleasant, so often we are so sorryas if they were not to blame at all. For example, we tell the interlocutor that it was he who brought us, or we are simply trying to hush up the conflict.

But the word "sorry" is not magic, it does not erase the offense by itself. Therefore, asking for forgiveness is sincere, admitting one's guilt and expressing readiness to do everything so that this does not happen again.