33 simple things to do after a fight with a partner

So you've been yelling at each other for three hours. Or argued for 20 minutes. Or quarreled and put up all weekend. In any case, you most likely said a lot of unpleasant things. Anger got the better of you, your feelings hurt - it happens. The most important thing after a fight is the steps you take to reconnect.

It is impossible to always agree with each other on everything. A relationship without contention is a relationship without productivity. Conflicts showthat in a couple there is something to work on and that each of the partners in their own way strives to achieve a larger goal. But sometimes fights get out of hand. Therefore, it is important to learn how to behave correctly during and after them.

It's easy to do nothing and wait until things get better on their own. Someone after a quarrel sometimes needs time or personal space. However, pretending that nothing happened is the wrong approach. It is worth taking measures so that both can return to normal life. Here's what you can do in no particular order:

1. Make notes about your feelings. Write whatever and however you like - the process itself is reminiscent of meditation and helps to better understand your thoughts. If you want to share any of them with a partner, give him the notes. Even if you leave them to yourself, it will be easier for you to understand the situation.
2. Resolve conflict quickly. Of course, if possible. Explain to your partner what made you angry. Tell us what you think will help solve the problem now and prevent it in the future. The sooner you discuss everything, the better. If you continue to get angry and don't want to talk, let them know. Acknowledge your emotions and think about when you can handle everything.
3. Give your partner space. We all deal with conflict differently.
4. Let your partner take the first step. Let him set the tone for the conversation. If he doesn't feel like joking after a fight, then you shouldn't either.
5. Do house cleaning. Clean every corner. Do not demand recognition of your merits and do not boast that toilet now without a single speck. Just keep yourself busy with something productive.
6. Play with children. Switch your attention to them. This will help you cool down, if needed, and channel your emotional energy in a useful direction.
7. Take care of yourself. You and your partner need to deal with a problem in the relationship, and to do this, everyone must first take care of themselves. So go in for sports or take a bath and make a face mask (only not homemade).
8. Reconcile in front of the children. They learn by watching adults. Your reconciliation will show them that people can fight, but that doesn't mean the relationship can't be saved.
9. Make your partner laugh. Research showthat even just a smile can relieve us of stress and make us happier. And when you laugh together, you not only defuse the situation after the conflict, but also find a foothold in the relationship.
10. Send a stupid apology card. The dumber she is, the better. And the faster the remaining tension will go away.
11. Send a sincere love letter. Write that despite the quarrel, you remain close and do not stop loving your partner. It is important for him to know about your feelings, even if he does not admit it, and you need to remind him of your love.
12. Say that you hear your partner. It is important not just to say "I hear you." Explain in your own words the partner's point of view so that he is convinced that this is true.
13. Do boring or annoying work that has been put off for a long time. Tidy up your clothes shelves or fix the door lock. This small gesture will not go unnoticed.
14. Think about how your decisions and actions may have affected your partner. Take 20 minutes and go over everything in your head that said and did.
15. Confirm that your partner is a good person. Find the right moment and say that he is a great parent, lover, friend, colleague or someone else. And back up your claims with evidence. This will help smooth out sharp corners.
16. Think about what needs to be done so that the conflict situation does not happen again. Sit down and analyze with your partner what happened and how to avoid it in the future.
17. Turn on music. Something that both of you like. It will fill the silence.
18. Admit your mistakes. If you were wrong, say so, and then silently listen to what your partner thinks and feels about this.
19. Listen to your partner. Especially if he wants to talk about a fight and you've both cooled off enough. Do not defend your reactions and actions, but simply let your loved one talk about his emotions.
20. See together something that used to be You refused to look. Even if you still don't feel like it, do it.
21. Order fast food that you often ate together when you met. Think of it as an olive branch, only fatter. Moreover, quarrels cause hunger.
22. Plan something that the partner has long wanted to do together. Dinner at a restaurant, vacation together or bowling - no matter what, organize it right now.
23. Let your partner rest. Let him sleep all weekend. Take the kids for a walk and leave him at home in silence. Or get up early and cook for him breakfast. Take care of everything that will make your stay comfortable.
24. Take responsibility for the words spoken in anger. Explain that you lost your cool at that moment, do not remind your partner of his words and do not blame him. Apologize for the particular outburst and move on.
25. Explain what triggered you. If something really pissed you off during a fight, tell them why. For example: "I thought you were attacking me." It is important to understand what exactly caused a strong emotional reaction, and remember that the partner is unlikely to intentionally make you angry.
26. Do not write about a quarrel on social networks. Just No need.
27. Don't hide from your partner. If you need more time to come to your senses and think things over, say so directly. The phrase "I'm not ready to talk yet" is enough.
28. Use the pronoun "I" rather than "you" when discussing disagreements. There will be much less reasons for quarrels if you talk about your feelings in the first person. In addition, the partner will clearly understand your intentions and will not perceive your words as an attack. So don't say, "You make me angry," but say, "I'm angry."
29. Apologize for real. Simple "sorry" is useless and means nothing. Explain that you understand the partner's position. Or say that you regret a particular action you have taken.
30. Don't say, "I don't really think so." Perhaps you really meant something else, but what is said is said. You cannot take back your words. However, you can offer a sincere apology and emphasize that you understand why your words hurt your partner.
31. Forgive yourself and your partner. We all make mistakes. It is important to recognize them and form habits that will help you never repeat them again.
32. speak in the language of love partner. Does he prefer touch or words of encouragement? Do something to make him feel your love again.
33. To learn from your mistakes. The only way to truly recover from a fight is to learn from it.