Why is loneliness dangerous for us?

Loneliness is at the root of many problems related to mental health and social well-being. But it seems that no one understands how to talk about it and how to solve them. And although loneliness is widespread, we still know little about how and why it occurs.

What do we know about loneliness

To begin with, I will give a couple of well-known facts that are similar to the truth:

• Loneliness is common in the Western world. Many studies in the US and Europe showthat 30 to 60% of people experience loneliness or admit that they do not have daily meaningful contact with others. Surprisingly, young people called myself lonely more often than the elderly.
• Loneliness is bad for us. Research authors claimthat it shortens life expectancy in the same way as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. It always seemed to me rather ridiculous to keep such statistics, but this does not change the essence: loneliness is unhealthy both physically and mentally. It
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  raises risk of anxiety and depression. Single people have more problems with heart and pressure and weaker the immune system.

What We Don't Know About Loneliness

Why does it occur

Loneliness affects the countries of the Western world differently than others. There are many theories as to why this happens, but there are still no clear answers.

Some believe that the whole thing is in the Western culture of individualism, which attaches less importance to the family or society. Others blame urbanization and cultural norms that encourage homeownership, independent living, self-employment, and so on.

Some point to demographic change: people are less likely to have children, move more from city to city, and spend less time with the elderly. And some point to the decline of religiosity, arguing that historically religion has been the core of human community and camaraderie.

Any of these reasons could be true. Or all of them.

How to deal with it

Again, there are many theories, but we don't know much for sure.

Online communication via devices seems like a poor substitute for moral supportthat we get in the environment of other people. Social media and video games are like diet soda for our mental well-being—tastes like real-life conversations but doesn’t provide any emotional “calories.” And in this case, this is bad, because we are “starving”.

Loneliness is both dependent on the quality and quantity of our social interactions. We need not only to see people we know often, but also to feel some degree of closeness and trust towards them.

At the same time, there is a struggle with loneliness in some places. For example, in the UK appointed Minister for Loneliness. And in Denmark achieved success by promoting a system of cohabitation, where retirees and young families who need help with children share the same living space and can support each other.

In general, loneliness still remains a significant problem. And so much so that pharmaceutical companies even think about whether they can create a cure for loneliness in the same way they created antidepressants (please, not that).

But that still doesn't explain why I consider loneliness to be the hidden root of many social and cultural problems.

What threat does loneliness bring?

Psychologically, we are social animals. We derive much of the meaning of our lives and our destination from relationships with others or from our perceived role in society at large.

We have such a strong need to connect with other people that our ability to form functional beliefs about ourselves and the world around us is closely tied with our relationship. Empathy is like a muscle: if it is not used, it weakens.

That is why, when we watch over and over again what drives fanatics, conspiracy theorists and extremists, we find constant loneliness. Rejection and social isolation radicalize people. When a person is devoid of attachment and understanding, he clings to illusory ideas of revolution and saving the world in order to gain a sense of purpose.

Hannah Arendt, a mid-twentieth-century philosopher, was a German Jewess who managed to escape from Nazis. After the war, she spent years studying totalitarianism, the rise and fall of fascism, communist revolutions, the horrors of the regimes of Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini and Mao. She tried to understand why these leaders so quickly found supporters, despite their policy of terror.

Then Arendt wrote book "The Origins of Totalitarianism". More than 500 pages in it, and in the end the author comes to a startling conclusion: loneliness makes people susceptible to contempt and fragmentation that lead to the disintegration of functional societies into extremism and violence.

In short, the point is this. When we are cut off from social contacts that allow us to empathize with each other and "ground ourselves", the only way to understand the world is to adopt a radical all-or-nothing attitude. Following these views, we begin to see the need for a decisive overthrow of the status quo. We present ourselves either as victims of circumstance or as saviors of society.

Perhaps this is the main threat of social networks. They don't necessarily make us more lonely, selfish, or angry. They simply allow lonely, selfish and bitter people to organize themselves and be heard like never before.

In the past, if a person was a radical Marxist who yearned for a revolution, or believed that Bill Gates was implanting chips into poor African children, he kept his crazy ideas with me. Otherwise, he could not avoid awkward silence and sidelong glances, and he would no longer be invited to children's birthday parties.

So the people were silent. And gradually there was an impression that everything was in order with the majority and everything would be fine.

Now everything is different. There is always a forum somewhere on the web full of people with the same crazy ideas. And what do people with similar but strange beliefs do when they get together? Right. They convince themselves that they will save the damn world with their amazing knowledge. That is, they go to crusade. And everyone around should listen to their nonsense when, encouraged by their "friends" from the Internet, they begin to explain that the movie "Armageddon" is actually a ciphered message from QAnon that Bruce Willis is not just running a criminal network, but is a 16-year-old boy who is being held captive...

So what am I on about? Ah yes, loneliness.

Perhaps one can look at Arendt's arguments from a different angle. There is a risk that extremists will seize power when radicals with fringe views find it easier to mobilize and organize than the moderate majority. Historically, this mobilization of extremes has been driven by economic crises, pandemics, famines, and so on. It seems, social media and smartphones today have inadvertently made it even more possible.

But who knows. I can be wrong about everything, because we still do not know enough to speak with complete confidence.