What attitudes prevent you from becoming rich and successful - says the psychologist

In 2021, the Skolkovo Wealth Management and Philanthropy Center released study about the attitude of Russians to rich people. 83% of the respondents were dissatisfied with the distribution of social welfare: the rich have too much, the poor have too little. At the same time, the majority did not believe in the possibility of moving from their social class to the class of the successful. Because the belief is still alive that one can become a billionaire only by dishonest means (as 66% of respondents thought) or by falling into the “caste of the elite” (73%).

Where does the dislike of the rich come from?

Dislike of the rich is often mistaken for envy. But it's not the same. Envy - a complex feeling and has a certain social connotation: when a person compares his appearance or his position in society with someone else. It's more of an individual feeling.

In a negative attitude towards other people's wealth, there is much more collective wealth. The phenomenon has historical roots, it is connected with human nature.

Here are two main reasons why it is difficult for a person to accept the fact of someone else's wealth.

Society strives for symbiosis

We still live according to the principle of the system, the basic concepts of which were laid down 2.5 million years ago. The main feature of the primitive communal system was the cultivation of the collective. In simple terms, everything was common. This is what the system was aiming for. And it collapsed only because private property appeared: material and economic relations between people, class societies began to form.

If we translate those events into the language of psychology, then any system tends to symbiosis.

If suddenly someone decides to stand out or separate, the system will resist this.

That's why society always dictated to man the rule: it is shameful to differ from the majority. Even in folklore they sang the unity of the people: in order to receive social approval, one must be part of the general.

In the Soviet years, the desire for unity, and among the people for a sense of belonging to a group, became even more noticeable. Phraseologism “You are me, and I am you”, the slogan “We are all one” appeared. Who was very different, he had to feel like an ugly duckling. Hence the fear that you will be considered successful or rich.

 Human beings need boundaries to develop.

A person cannot live and develop ecologically without a sense of boundaries. Any goal is also a kind of boundary. But sometimes society sets boundaries in order to streamline life within society.

Categories "poorand the rich have created a very rigid, inflexible framework. Everyone identifies with a particular group and lives within established boundaries.

And in order for people from the bulk of society to be more manageable, the stereotypes “rich-bad”, “poor-good” appeared.

Where do people get the idea that money is evil

There are social reasons for a negative attitude towards money and wealth. Installations are given to a person by family, culture, environment.

From fairy tales that teach to suffer for the sake of a dream

Baby fairy tales is a perfect example of a limiting belief that affects generations. These are not the boundaries that need to be defended, but those that are clamped into the framework.

Of course, there are many benefits in reading fairy tales: they show how to make choices, introduce universal concepts such as friendship, love, loyalty.

But many fairy tales are united by the position of the protagonist, who has to suffer a lot on the way to his dream.

If you do not talk with the child on this topic, then he may get the impression: happiness just does not get; If I want to achieve something, I have to overcome great difficulties.

As a result, happiness, when viewed as wealth and success, appears as something that requires sacrifice. This in itself is not a positive attitude towards achievements.

Of those religions that do not encourage wealth

It is impossible to judge unambiguously the relation of religion to money. Beliefs are very different, as is the perception of sacred scriptures. For example, Kabbalah motivates its followers to earn money.

But here in Christianity we really see some moments of asceticism. There are several phrases in the Bible that people like to remember if they want to show a negative attitude towards a person's wealth. For example: “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”

This can be interpreted in different ways. Some will see vice in wealth, and poverty will be perceived as a symbol of purity. Others will think that these words of scripture are a criticism of greed.

From literature and cinema, where the image of a poor but honest man was sung

Entire generations of people in Russia were brought up in a culture where they sang the image of a simple poor person. typical hero Soviet films - student or factory worker.

Even the foreign films popular in the Soviet Union, presented by Indian cinema, formed the image of a kind and honest poor man. At the same time, the rich rajah is an antagonist, he is certainly evil, greedy and treacherous.

Literature, theatrical art - everywhere they sang the common man.

And only in the last 20 years, films began to appear where a rich man is a positive hero.

Art carries the ideology that the authorities would like put in your head person. So in any country.

From stereotypes about rich gangsters from the “dashing 90s”

In the 1990s, the principle of "snatch and run" became associated with wealth. There was an open struggle for power in society, the country lived in conditions deficit, but at the same time created the illusion of wealth. People were under the impression that the surest way to get something was to grab it first, as in the saying: “He who gets up first gets the slippers.”

History has shown that many honestly earned their capital in those years, but the stereotype “if you are rich, then you stole” turned out to be very tenacious.

From family settings

Stereotypes from childhood can be linked to family history. In psychology, there is the concept of transgenerational transmission of the generic program. If the ancestors of a person were, for example, dispossessed, then the money was brought to the tribal system grief. Then a person will unconsciously be ashamed of wealth and be afraid to go to it.

Why you need to get rid of harmful attitudes about wealth

There are several reasons.

 To stop being afraid of success

If a person believes that for the sake of a dream one must suffer, then his own fear will greatly slow him down. The attitude about wealth through torment programs us to earn money hard, to happiness through trials. And a person gives up in advance, refuses opportunities, new positions, does not look for a better job. And if he suddenly manages to become happy, then he may feel guilty for his pleasure in life.

To achieve something, you need to see the goal as something positive. Do not wait for difficulties on the way, but be prepared for them. And treat everything as a positive experience.

To improve professional self-esteem

The 90s had a big impact on the society we have today. Those whose childhood fell on transitional times received many introjects, that is, installations, from significant adults. And in particular - beliefs about wealth. “Honestly, you can’t earn millions”, “If you live well, then it’s not according to the law”, “On expensive cars only bandits drive" - ​​all this was taken on faith by many teenagers of that time without analysis and awareness.

And today these people earn more, look for better jobs, the conditions are much more pleasant, the program from childhood “money is bad, stay away from the rich” hinders them.

Installation reduces professional self-esteem: a person simply does not believe that he can become, for example, a director, an outstanding scientist. And because of this, he does not even think of breaking out of ordinary employees.

You need to get rid of the stereotype in order to give yourself a chance to show your abilities in work. Then not only money will appear, but something more important - an understanding of how to earn it.

To get rid of the white crow complex

We have been scared since childhood: if you are different, you will become a black sheep. As if society will reject you, consider you unworthy. Therefore, many people who believe in such a stereotype do their best to be like everyone else. Not worse, but not better either. And most of all they are afraid not of failure, but of the fact that they will be discussed. Therefore, even having achieved some success, they begin to hide it from friends: they are embarrassed to say about the increase, about the salary higher than that of their friends. It all comes from the unwillingness to separate from society.

But only white crows achieve significant success.

How to get rid of harmful attitudes about wealth

Try to find the reason for the negative attitude towards money, and then analyze how these beliefs correspond to reality and how beneficial you are.

Learn to share

Any system, be it a society or a family, has an important rule of balance: give and take. Exchange is necessary, including material.

Learn to share. And this habit will help to come to a more harmonious relationship with money. After all, our world is material, and we cannot get away from the money issue.

You don't have to be a millionaire to share. It can be small amounts for gifts to loved ones, for vivid impressions for them, for charity - even 100 rubles for food. animal shelter. Spending on relatives and friends or on good deeds helps a person become happier, money thus becomes an instrument of good. At this moment, money is more than money, it is a way to make your life meaningful and important.

Seeing positive opportunities in money is a step towards getting rid of stereotypes about wealth.

Rethink stereotypes from childhood

The roots of personal beliefs about wealth often come from childhood. It doesn’t matter what shaped your attitude to the topic: the words of older relatives about bad money or the attitude “suffer for the dream”. It is important to understand that all these beliefs limit your view of the world. The smaller the space of freedom, the more unhappy the person: he wants less from life and is more manageable.

We must come to understand that we are the creators of our lives. And only we ourselves can choose whether to make our way to the dream through suffering and at the same time be so exhausted that the reward is no longer a joy, or go to our goals with ease and pleasure.

Don't underestimate someone else's success

When we belittle someone else success, the protective mechanism of the psyche - the projection - works. We project our fantasies onto another person, we attribute our thoughts and motives to this object. The danger is that in doing so we are aware of our weakness in the face of someone else's success. This leads to even more discomfort or even problems with self-esteem.

Don't Treat Success Like a Lottery

A successful person is one who has managed to expand the usual boundaries and escaped from the symbiosis of the system. Most often, some experience, difficulties, or a difficult event lead to this. That is, a person achieves success by giving up his personal life, or by working many times more than others, or by experiencing a personal crisis.

We must realize that success does not come to a person like winning the lottery, behind it is work.

Therefore, focus on how this person managed to achieve such a result, and try to apply his formula to your life.

Stop programming yourself and loved ones to fail

In everyday life, a person sometimes uses limiting beliefs. These are words and phrases that we ourselves and our loved ones can take as attitudes. Such beliefs at first glance may seem ordinary, but in reality they are programming for poverty. At the same time, the phrases are not necessarily directly related to the topic of money. For example:

• "You never know what you want, eat what's in the fridge."
• "Pleasure is a luxury, we can't afford it."
• “I also want a lot of things, but I don’t shout about it.”

Such messages are related to self-esteem. They form the position that the "right people" do not ask and do not want. Children who often hear such phrases begin to be ashamed of their desires, fight them.

The advice here is this: try to change your attitude to phrases that you yourself probably heard a million times in childhood. And watch how you communicate with loved ones.

Stop shaming yourself and children for emotions

Avoid messages that limit thinking and creativity. Because the ability to think outside the box is important, including for making money.

For example, if a child in a shopping center shows emotions - jumps, runs, sings or dances, do not pull him up and shame him.

Adults impose similar restrictions on each other. But show emotion not ashamedbut, on the contrary, is useful.

It is necessary, if possible, to encourage the ability of a person to differ from others.

Because it is the ability stand out, courage and determination help a person to find non-standard ways of earning.

Use someone else's experience for your own achievements

It is useful to follow the life of the rich and successful, but with a caveat: if this information can be useful to you in life. Successful and wealthy people have interesting and sometimes unique experiences. Studying their ways of earning money will warn you against some mistakes.

But remember the rule: do not make yourself an idol. A situation may come when a person begins to worry more about the “idol” than about his own life. And most importantly, he will cease to recognize his own desires and needs. This may lead to burnout, emotional and physical exhaustion and even depression. In the age of social networks, this is a very serious problem.

You can follow someone else's experience, but you should always measure it exactly with your needs.