How to stop romanticizing the past and start enjoying life in the here and now

Many rewrite the history of their lives in such a way that a dull present simply cannot compete with an ideal past. Perhaps you often remember pleasant moments with an ex-partner (“We had so much fun!”), the previous work (“In boring meetings I wrote funny poems”) or an interesting period in general (“Give me back my 2007!”).

In any case, you convince yourself that before "the grass was greener and the sky bluer", concentrate on happy memories, ignore the sad ones and devalue all the good things in your life in present. Although, most likely, in a few years you will miss him in the same way.

Why do we romanticize the past

To describe the process of idealizing the past, some psychologists use the concept of "pink flashback". This is a cognitive bias that causes us to look at past events more positively than when we experienced them.

The fact is that every day in our brain a lot of information comes in, so for its processing and analysis, he is looking for simple solutions. Research

showthat one of the shortcuts the brain uses is to capture good memories and discard bad ones. Otherwise, to re-experience all the negativity, threats and fears, he would need too much cognitive energy. So he stops halfway: "Oh, come on, it wasn't that great Badly».

This peculiarity of ours, when the memory of unpleasant events disappears faster than of pleasant ones, is called the effect of attenuation of negative memories. Scientists bind him with greater firmness of character, which is understood as psychological well-being and resilience. We often romanticize pastbecause the truth hurts. The fading effect of negative memories is a form of emotional “numbness.”

How to change your attitude to the past and present

Of course, looking back fondly can be fun and enjoyable. But if it makes you hate today, it's worth changing your mind. Here are some ways to emerge from the "pink" nostalgia and begin to objectively evaluate both the past and the present.

Balance the look

When you remember the good times, you don't necessarily have to recreate them with all their authenticity. To make sure you draw true picture past, psychologists advise asking yourself a clarifying question: “How true is the story that I tell myself?”.

The fastest way to find out the answer is to balance the positive and the negative. For example, if you often think about the "ideal" relationship with former partner, remember five facts from the past that would definitely not be suitable for a romance novel. The same goes for the “great” company you once worked for or the “wonderful” city you once lived in. All this at some point disappeared from your life, and there were serious reasons for that.

The main purpose of this practice is not to dwell on the past, but to balance the good memories with not-so-good or average ones and get a more realistic picture. This will allow you to less romanticize the old times and get rid of the feeling that the present is no good.

Understand what you are really missing

Think about what exactly in the past you miss. If you often think about old relationships, you may need to feel that you love. If you think about past travels, maybe you are missing the novelty in life. Understanding where nostalgia comes from will help you recreate similar situations and feel at least a little of the same feelings.

For example, if you miss the feeling of being connected with co-workers from your old job that you went to the bar with on Fridays, suggest the same tradition at your new one. If you miss the peaceful atmosphere of the library that you were a reader of as a child, go to the library near your house. If you remember how great it was to travel with an ex, start looking for a new one or go on vacation with friends.

Of course, you are unlikely to be able to recreate exactly the same circumstances from your past. You cannot go back to the university and take part in the student spring. And some stages of your journey will always be filled with a sense of loss. But change is the only thing that is constant in life. If you realize this and recognize how beautiful the past is, then you will keep in touch with it and feel at peace.

It used to be good. But if you cannot live in a certain period now, this does not mean that the memories of it cannot live inside you.

Do not try to artificially induce gratitude in yourself

Psychologists often advise gratitude diary. This practice is indeed reduces stress levels and even help you sleep better. But if everything is bad in your life right now, you should not squeeze out a feeling of gratitude for anything.

Perhaps your past was actually much better. For example, you were in perfect health until you faced a serious illness. Or you had a great relationship with a loved one until you lost him. In situations like this, accepting that the present brings discomfort is the best strategy. But trying to find pluses in it at any cost is a form toxic positivity, which only devalues ​​the pain and does not allow to get out of the impasse.

If you're stuck in a beautiful past because your present leaves a lot to be desired, accept the fact that today may be hard, but it will not last forever, and your life will be filled again happiness. That's just artificial joy does not bring him closer. So allow yourself to feel the full gamut of emotions. This will help you heal and move on.

Be part of the present moment

To take root here and now will help awareness and above all meditation. But if meditative practices are not to your liking, you can try alternative practices such as journaling or even just paying more attention to your bodily sensations, such as while eating.

In addition, as soon as you begin to imagine pictures from a beautiful past in your head, psychologists recommend doing the “5 senses” exercise. Its essence is to ask 5 questions, referring to each sense organ:

1. What do I feel?
2. What I see?
3. What do I hear?
4. What smell do I smell?
5. What taste do I have?

Like other mindfulness practices, this technique helps you shift your attention from the past to what what surrounds you here and now, and in this way you are essentially training your brain to stay in present.