How comparisons prevent us from making the right choice and make us suffer

Why do we always compare

If you find yourself comparing yourself to others in terms of looks, accomplishments, or income levels, don't worry, you're not alone.

Our thinking built on this feature. Any social interaction automatically triggers a comparison with other people or socially accepted principles.

To call someone high, you need to see him surrounded by lower comrades in order to recognize wealthy - to correlate incomes, attractive - to assess whether the appearance corresponds to those accepted in society beauty standards.

Comparison is at the center of social judgment and many cognitive processes. It determines how a person perceives himself and others, what views he holds, what decisions he makes and how he feels.

Scientists suggest that we love to compare so much because it saves resources.

After all, it is much easier to compare the similarities of two objects than to evaluate them as a whole. As a result, the brain

spends less energy to make decisions, which is beneficial in terms of survival.

Thus, the habit of comparing is part of our nature, but this same feature makes us make bad choices, worry and get upset.

How comparisons get in the way of making the right choice

IN book “Predictable irrationality. The Hidden Forces That Determine Our Decisions Dan Ariely explains that comparisons help us make choices quickly, with little to no thought, but they often lead us in the wrong direction.

The problem is that people often have no idea what is best for them. Like a pilot to land aircraft runway lights are needed, so a person needs a certain range in order to make decisions, in which it will be indicated where a worthy option is and where it is not.

In the book, Ariely gives a simple example of choosing a TV. You come to the store and see three products:

• Panasonic 36-inch for $690;
• Toshiba 42" for $850;
• Philips with a diagonal of 50 inches for $1,480.

If you do not have a goal to buy vehicles with a certain diagonal, most likely you will choose the middle option - land between two rows of landing lights. It seems to be worthy. And not too expensive.

Is it worth it to pay extra for the extra inches? How do you evaluate what diagonal you need? Why is one firm better than another? To answer these questions, you need to make many more comparisons, and the choice must be made quickly, and preferably not particularly straining at the same time. In this case, the solution is obvious.

Does this mean that the largest TV will be the best choice? For the seller - most likely, because marketers know this peculiarity of thinking and put the goods they need on favorable positions.

For example, if a restaurant owner wants people to order a certain dish, he can increase the price of the top items on the menu. Compared to their cosmic value, the main thing - what he wants to sell - will begin to seem acceptable to visitors.

Whether the acquisition will be the best choice for the client is a big question.

Most likely, he will overpay for unnecessary things simply because he has no idea what he really wants. And it’s good if we are talking about a TV or a dish in a restaurant, and not about an apartment for which you will pay a mortgage for 20 years, or goals for a lifetime.

Dan Ariely told the story of a doctor who graduated from Harvard with the dream of winning the Nobel Prize. The man wanted to make a discovery in the treatment of oncology and believed that he was getting quite decent money. Until he found out how much his colleagues on Wall Street earn in medical investment services.

The comparison made the doctor count his salary low, after which he left as a consultant on the stock exchange, leaving his dream of discoveries.

And this is not the worst example of how comparison with others can affect a person. Unlike a doctor, most people don't change their lives in any way by comparing themselves to others, but they still feel disgusting.

How comparisons make us suffer

The features of modern life open up simply endless possibilities for envy. Every day we see in life, on the Internet or in the media, people who look better, earn more or boast significant achievements.

Social networks do open the gates to hell. Comparing their lives to the refined content of posts and stories, passive users feel left out and miserable.

And since people with a similar social status and background are usually added as friends, envy becomes even more painful.

View photo with beautiful bodies makes worry about your figure, following the profile of a person with a successful career - upset because of your income. People envy someone else's happiness, vacation photos, the number of friends and communication.

As a result, social comparisons reduce satisfaction with life, make a person feel unhappy, prevent him from appreciating what he has, and can lead to depression.

It is unlikely to get rid of comparisons at all. Even if you have firmly decided not to build hierarchies, this will happen by itself automatically. However, you can support your self-esteem and satisfaction with life, comparing correctly.

How to compare yourself to others without sacrificing self-esteem

You can compare yourself to others in different ways. And far from always it will end with envy and disappointment.

During the comparison, the person Maybe either to oppose oneself to others - to use them to evaluate one's own achievements, or to identify - to concentrate on similar features. In the first version, other people's achievements make you suffer; in the second, they serve as inspiration.

For example, you are browsing the page of a successful classmate. The contrast will make you think, "Well, we went to school together, and now he has built a career, and I, a loser, have not achieved anything." Identification, on the contrary, will evoke positive emotions: “Since he, having the same base, has achieved such heights, then I can too.”

If you are comparing yourself to someone who is less successful, the contrast will be more beneficial. For example, you are in the hospital and there is a person with you in the ward who has become worse. Identification will make you upset: "He has the same disease, and he has complications, which means I can have them." Contrasting, on the contrary, will be optimistic: “Okay, I'm sick too. But compared to him, I’m much better.”

In moments when it occurs to you that life is going downhill and there is nothing good in it, think about those who are worse off. Wherever you live and whatever you do, there will always be people in even more deplorable conditions.

When you feel like starting envyfocus on similarities. Ask yourself what you have in common that you can learn from this person. This will help reduce the degree of dissatisfaction and turn envy into a source of inspiration.