3 ways to get rid of perfectionism once and for all
Miscellaneous / / June 10, 2023
You will have to deal with the inner critic and learn how to make a reasonable amount of effort.
Anxiety is at the root of perfectionism. A perfectionist may be afraid of failure, afraid of making a mistake, because this will mean that something is wrong with him. But perfectionism is not just about doing your best to get things done. This is a reflection of the inner "I", which is mired in anxieties.
Successful people are rarely perfectionists. Because such beliefs make you doubt yourself and lead to indecision, so that no task can be completed. But what exactly “feeds” perfectionism? Perhaps it is the desire to prove one's worth to others, or the desire to avoid feelings of shame and condemnation? Or maybe it's a far-fetched need to impress strict bosses? Although in fact, a perfectionist most often tries to prove something to his parents or his inner critic.
Perfectionism can become a comfortable habit. If you follow his lead from an early age, dialogue with the inner voice that inspires such attitudes can seem like a necessary ritual for success. But over time, it is more like communicating with an old friend, which is high time to stop. Of course, this cannot be done overnight. There are three ways to start healing from perfectionism and not go astray.
1. Find motivation
As with other sick people habits, you need strong motivation to get rid of perfectionism. If you want to do this, think about this: what are you depriving yourself of being afraid of not being perfect?
Let's say you're afraid of embarrassing yourself while speaking in public. Therefore, you avoid attending conferences as a speaker, despite the fact that you know that this can give you credibility as a specialist and help your career. This is the motivation. If you continue to be a perfectionist and refuse to report, you will not achieve the professional heights you dream of. Of course, the first performances can be far from perfect, but you should not give up and deprive yourself of the chance to improve.
Identify what you are missing out on because of perfectionism and use that as motivation.
2. Isolate the inner critic
All perfectionists have common thought patterns that make it difficult to get rid of limiting attitudes. Here are some examples:
- Mind Reading: “If I don’t give 110%, the boss will find someone who will do it, and they will simply fire me”; “My parents sacrificed a lot to give me an excellent education and prepare me for a successful careerand I can't let them down."
- Labeling: “The typo in my article was not an accidental mistake, it happened because I am lazy and do not take the time to double-check everything”; "I can't be mediocre."
- Avoidance: "I'll never be able to write a good book, so I won't even try."
- Catastrophic Thinking: "I don't deserve what I have and I need to work harder to keep it."
- Settings with the word "should": “If I stop jogging, I will lose my shape, so I have to do it even if my knees hurt.”
If you are familiar with these phrases, listen to what voice says them in your head: some specific person or yourself? Learn to notice the moments when you automatically begin to justify your actions in this way. Observe how you feel when your inner critic gets the better of you, what emotions precede it, and what can calm your anxiety.
There is a very interesting way to quiet the inner critic that perfectionists will love because it involves a little self-criticism. The fact is that all the time to go in cycles in your shortcomings - very selfish. Just ask yourself why you have to be special in everything and who told you about it.
The Inner Critic is a form of narcissism that serves as a defense mechanism. It may seem that the only way to succeed, to receive love and universal recognition, is to be excellent and do everything one hundred plus percent. But this is another trap of perfectionism. The truth is that if you're not the best at everything, it won't be a threat to your personality or your success, and it won't stop you from getting everything you want out of life.
The next time you start to worry about an impending failure, ask yourself why you can't make a mistake and why you can't have bad days like everyone else.
Reminding yourself that you are no better than others is not self-deprecating. It's a manifestation self-compassion and a way to gently but effectively deal with the egocentric behaviors that underpin perfectionism.
Find out more😣
- How to resist the inner critic: 7 tips from a psychologist
3. Learn to set "enough" goals
To eradicate perfectionism, you need to find the courage to apply not the maximum, but a sufficient amount of effort. This means one that will allow you to do something well and exclude excessive emotional involvement in result.
A sufficient amount of effort is when you do not have to fight and suffer. Think about how you would like to complete a task if it were the last of your life. Not every business requires maximum return from you. What if you complete the job at 79%? What if you prepare a regular report, and not a work of art? The key is to remember the outcome. Will he be good enough for your superiors? Will it be good enough for you? The answer to both questions is most likely yes.
Think of happy accidents in your life. For example, when a work meeting was canceled or the deadlines were moved, and you were suddenly illuminated by a brilliant idea that was not enough to solve the problem. When the mind is free, it is much easier to think creatively. Keep this in mind, and the next time you feel like working overtime, imagine how much room for ideas will open up in your mind if you decide to sleep at night.
Try this approach on non-working tasks. For example, in training. If you work out 1 hour a day, cut your time down to 40 minutes and see what happens. Is the process becoming less stressful? The need to go to gym no longer a concern? Perhaps at first you will think that you are not training enough, which means you are a loser. But you may also notice that you have gained something: peace of mind, more relaxed work days, and more free time. And you are unlikely to regret the 20 minutes that required extra effort from you. So, it’s okay to do enough or even a little less to live a full and healthy life.
Read also🧐
- 6 good reasons to give up perfectionism
- “You are a loser”: why we are overly strict with ourselves
- “Come on, I believe in you!”: why each of us needs an inner fan and how to grow it