From "honeymoon" to biculturalism: what stages of adaptation I experienced in a new country

When moving to another country, a lot of questions come up. You have to figure out how to rent an apartment, open an account, register an individual entrepreneur, buy a SIM card, get a residence permit. This is helped by people, instructions, chats, where the same guys are looking for answers.

But little is said about the adaptation that an emigrant goes through, although moving is painful and hard. I have identified four stages that I went through myself, and I am sharing them with you. But it's certainly not the end of the road.

Stage 1. Tourist

At first, I thought my move was an adventure. I looked at everything around with the eyes of a tourist and enjoyed the novelty. I was glad that it was snowing in Russia, and in Tbilisi it was warm in a windbreaker. Enjoyed the local cuisine and generous portions.

Later I learned that in psychology this is called a "honeymoon". At this stage, critical thinking is reduced. You do not fully understand the seriousness of the step, so you are in euphoria.

According to my observations, the tourist flair can last from several days to several months. It depends on how many new difficulties, cultural and domestic differences you face and how attached to the house.

To smoothly prepare the psyche for the realization “I am here for a long time” - I advise you to overcome difficulties in a dosed manner and use the art of small steps for this - every day one case. It is already difficult for you to get used to the new reality. The load of important and urgent matters will only aggravate everything.

Stage 2. From tourist to emigrant

This is where the routine begins. At this stage, a struggle of ideas unfolded inside: “this is temporary” versus “I am here, it seems, for a long time.” I became sad and lonely.

I didn't like the apartment that I chose as temporary. I made the decision to rent as a tourist: there is a bed, there is a table - well, to hell with everything else. And now I suddenly realized that I was here for a long time and needed a place where it was good and calm.

Then I began to look for other housing and surround myself with things that filled my life in Moscow.

For example, in a Moscow apartment, I wore crocs. It stuck in my head: Crocs = home. When they showed up in my Tbilisi — has become much better.

I also began to panic that people around me were biased, that I was a stranger to them. Then I became convinced that this was not so, and I am ashamed that I thought so. But then I could not get rid of such thoughts, all the time I looked at myself from the outside and analyzed whether I behaved respectfully enough, whether I hurt someone.

At this stage, I recommend initiating the socialization process to debunk anxious thoughts. Make new friends, learn basic phrases in the local language, integrate into activities.

The more support you get in the form of knowledge about how everything works here, positive feedback from locals, communication, the faster the difficult period will end. For example, I joined the local Random Coffee and started going to networking dinners.

Depending on the speed of your socialization, you can “hang” in the second stage from several weeks to several months.

Stage 3. Reconciliation

I gained experience interacting with local residents, and dispelled my own misconceptions. I realized that no one is angry with me, does not look askance, people around are open and hospitable. I overcame everyday and bureaucratic difficulties, a new housing became safe and convenient. At this stage, you let go of all fears, and it becomes good where you are.

The duration of this period is difficult to measure. It feels like it could be the ultimate for a lot of people. The current place of residence will be expensive and pleasant for you, but will not completely replace the house.

At this stage, you can congratulate yourself: all the most difficult is behind you.

But the comparison with the former life will continue, and you will also miss some of its important components. It's okay, allow yourself to grieve. But at the same time, look around for new things that will make your life more pleasant and compensate for losses.

Stage 4. Biculturalism

I have partially reached this stage. The bottom line is that you get used to and are well versed in local rules and traditions, you no longer compare what is happening with the past way of life. The first part, yes. The culture of Georgia became understandable and close to me.

I see its features, disadvantages and advantages. But in my mind, I'm homesick. And this is another "rubber" period. As soon as I pass it, I will be able to reasonably assess in which country I want to live.

In the meantime, here are some tips for those who have recently left or going to do this:

• Do not demand from yourself feats. Slow down the pace of life and do as much as you can.
• Accept that it is difficult now, but everyone goes through this stage - and you will pass.
• Allow yourself to grieve and grieve. Leaving your home, loved ones and friends is both painful and scary. But it normal.
• Look for those who understand you, with whom you can mourn.