What to do with your life if you don't know what to do

One of the beauties of life is the infinity of choices. And although we may be limited by internal resources, social status or the specifics of the cultural environment, getting around sharp corners is much easier than it seems.

On the other hand, the abundance of opportunities can be paralyzing. It is difficult for us to understand what exactly we need, especially when it comes to abstract ideas. If you find yourself in a similar situation and do not know what to do, the first step is to determine the direction of your life.

How to choose the direction of your life

outline landmarks

We are programmed to act with a specific purpose in mind. Specialists called it is one of the fundamental human needs.

Researchers at the Erasmus University Rotterdam identified seven key search elements goals and callings that ultimately define our lives. Scientists believe that first of all it is necessary:

1. Identify your values, hobbies and passions.
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2. Reflect on acquired and desired competencies and habits.
3. Reflect on present and future social life.
4. Determine potential future careers.
5. Imagine and describe your ideal future.
6. Fix specific goals and make plans according to the "if... then" scheme.
7. Make public commitments to achieve goals.

As you begin to look for landmarks, remember that purpose and calling do not necessarily have to be related to occupation, which brings in money. We may be told that our work is equal to our life, but this is not so. Instead of building your existence around the "right" job, think about your personality and what you were born to do.

American educational psychologist Jacqueline Eccles thinksthat our identity can be represented as two sets of self-perceptions. The first is related to our skills and competencies, the second is related to personal values ​​and goals. Together, they determine our expectations for success and the value we place on our involvement in a wide range of challenges.

In other words, if you dig deeper and understand your personality, you will get a better idea of ​​what kind of activity will bring you true satisfaction.

Experiment

Historian and NYU professor emeritus James Carse invented concept of finite and infinite games. Endgames are played to win. Their participants obey clear rules and recognize boundaries, and in the end there are always winners and losers, as, for example, in sports or politics. The point of endless games, on the other hand, is to keep playing. They include sincere interaction that changes the rules and pushes the boundaries.

Life is the main endless game. And although one day she still will endthe whole point is to live it. When you think about your identity and your calling in terms of an endless game, it helps to open up to experimentation. You stop taking everything too seriously, allow yourself to try new things by exploring your individuality, listen to the voice of your calling, trust it and go where it takes you calls.

How to follow your choice

Knowing what to do with your life is an important first step. But just knowing what you need is not enough to make your dreams come true, no matter how much you want to. We must act. There are eight steps to help you.

1. Connect the imagination

Create a clear, detailed and as specific picture of the life you dream of. Fill this perfect image smells, tastes, sounds. This will help the brain realize the reality of the goal.

2. Find reasons

Why do you want to follow the chosen direction? Why is this important to you? What impact will this have on you and those around you? The answers will help you stay on track, especially when serious problems appear on it. obstacles.

3. come up with a plan

Many start with this step. And they make a mistake. You can not plan impulsively, ignoring the realities of life. If you do not take into account your resources, privileges, limitations and opportunities, your plan will fail. A successful plan is grounded in reality and tailored specifically to your needs.

If you don't know where to begin, start from the end. What step will be the last on the way to the goal? And what will be the next step? Ask yourself this question until you get to the present moment. For example, you want to buy an apartment. The last step in this case can be considered payment. Before that, you need to find suitable apartments, and before that, you need to earn money and so on.

Another important detail is to mark checkpoints when you check how the plan is performing and whether it needs to be changed. Think ahead about what you will do if you fail at each step. In the implementation of even the most brilliant plans, something can go wrong. And it is better to prepare workarounds in advance.

4. Believe in yourself

If you doubt, consciously or subconsciously, that you will be able to achieve the goal, your brain will do everything to prevent you. After all, why waste energy if nothing will come of it anyway?

But even a grain of faith is enough to deceive the brain and start moving forward. Believe in yourselfand you won't fall into the trap of self-sabotage.

5. Gather Evidence

It's easy to say, "Believe in yourself," but how do you do it? Find evidence. It can be data, facts and information from experts, and best of all, stories of people who are similar to you or work in a related field. For example, if you want to take a high position, talk about your plan with someone who has already succeeded.

Keep collecting evidence that everything will work out as you move towards the goal. Record every, even the smallest victory. This will convince your brain that you are really capable of achieving what you want.

6. Use habits and rituals

It is useless to hope that your plan will work on its own. You will have to act, and in any state: when you feel good and when you feel bad, when you are bored and when you are inspired. This requires habitual, repetitive patterns of behavior. Choose practices that focus on internal processes, such as awareness. It will help to become more calm, persistent and sensitive to what is happening around.

Change your routine by creating new habits and rituals. They are formed in the same way, but there are differences between them. Routine actions and habits we perform automatically, and rituals - intentionally. For example, do you want every morning do breathing exercises. Getting out of bed and sitting on a special rug is a habit, and the exercises themselves are a ritual.

7. Attract other people

Nobody achieves success alone. Especially in such a grandiose matter as the search for an answer to the question of what to do with your life. A team of six people will help you along the way to your goal, each of which will take on a specific role:

• Like-mindedwho strives for the same dream as you.
• Fanwho you will call if something goes wrong and who will always support you.
• Auditor, which will remind you of your plan. This is not the most pleasant role, and it may even be tempting to do without an "auditor". But it is very important, because it helps to stay on the intended path.
• Mentorwho achieved what you want to achieve, or helped others to do it. An indispensable source of advice.
• Soul mate - someone who looks at the world the same way as you, even if your goals do not intersect, as with a "like-minded person".
• Rebel is the person responsible for constantly challenging you. And not at all in order to complicate your life, but so that you take a different look at your assumptions, plans and actions.

8. Give a promise

Gather together all the information about the goal and vocation, plans, reasons and good practices and make a text of a promise to yourself: “This is what I will do, this is why it is important to me, these are my next steps…”

You can write down the commitment on paper or record a voice message—any form will do. It is important to share it with loved ones, at least with those six people from the support team. This will start the mechanism that Robert Cialdini in his book "Psychology of influence" called the principle of consistency. According to him, we have an inherent need to act consistently and do everything that is consistent with our words and decisions in the past.