Why beauty standards are evil and how to get them out of your life

Why it's bad to believe in beauty standards

Self-acceptance is an intimate process that can take a lot of time. But sometimes, instead, a person tries to change himself, to fit the ideal. And this can have dangerous consequences.

Obsession with standards hinders development in other areas

If you maniacally follow the ideal, then there is no time and energy left for something else. This idea in his bookThe beauty myth. Stereotypes against womenpromoted by writer Naomi Wolfe.

She believes that society and advertising imposes ideals on a woman. Such attitudes are similar to diktat, they limit the freedom of a woman almost like “domestic slavery”: you need to take care of yourself, do this and that for your attractiveness. Everything else - career, studies, hobbies - is secondary. Because it is supposedly necessary to pursue physical perfection. And the goal is the same - to attract the attention of a man and achieve that very “female happiness”, which is considered to be mandatory.

Beauty ideals make natural aging shy

Handsome means young. This is the accepted standard of beauty. Therefore, for those who want to look attractive at 40, 50, 60 years old, it remains to try in every possible way to preserve youth. Beauty standards actually forbid aging.

An attempt to preserve youth at any cost leads to the appearance of ridiculous images of the once attractive people: young pensioners, victims of plastic surgery, mothers of adult children in their teenage clothes.

Focusing on the ideal can lead to bullying of the "ugly"

If there is an ideal and you believe in it, then you can begin to perceive everything that is outside this framework as wrong and bad. The result can be beauty bullying - bullying people because of their appearance.

Until about the age of 13, I grew up as a happy, cheerful girl, loved by my loved ones. And at 13 my nose grew, and it turned out to be completely different from what is considered to be beautiful. And what did I start hearing from my relatives? “Who does she have such a knife switch in?”, “Is she definitely from you?” - so my father's relatives said to my dad. “How can she find a husband with this?”

At first, I did not attach any importance to their words. Then I didn’t understand why my nose was associated with my husband. And it was completely strange for me why I should look for this very husband at all. What is he hiding? Or is it necessary to live your own happy life?

But, as you know, if you persistently convince a person of something, his self-confidence will sooner or later be shaken. This is what happened to my self-esteem. And then there were years of self-doubt, doubts about their attractiveness, dissatisfaction with appearance. I suddenly began to dream: “I wish I were beautiful ...”

Beauty bullying occurs for a variety of reasons. But one of them is the confidence of the offender that there is an ideal. He compares others with him. And if he sees the ears, nose or legs are not “as it should be”, he goes on the attack.

Belief in the ideal of beauty leads to disappointment

Women believe that by slightly correcting themselves, they will immediately change their lives. I’ll get a new haircut or pump up the press - and I will immediately find love, and maybe a new job. Like, along with the appearance, the world around will change.

But that doesn't happen. And ultimately it can lead to disappointment.

It is easiest for children and teenagers to fall into the “beauty = success” trap. But their disappointment is much more dangerous than ours, because of the unprepared psyche.

Standards make you spend a lot of money and disfigure yourself

There is, I think, a commercial benefit in the existence of beauty standards. Companies and brands are benefiting from the fact that women are starting to spend more on themselves: they are offered more and more new procedures and products.

Sometimes the race for the services of beauty salons and plastic surgeons reaches fanaticism. This is the case when a woman starts a transformation and cannot stop.

Why body positivity can be dangerous too

Body positivity has gone from a humane idea to a hype. And perhaps already far from the ideology of the original movement. The idea was that any body, regardless of physical abilities and characteristics, skin color, weight or size, deserves respect and love. That there is no single standard of beauty. Everything is unique and inimitable, which means that it should not be subjected to any criticism.

This is all good, if it does not turn into an excuse for your laziness, promiscuity, and disregard for your health. Is it useful to eat extra pounds and justify the absence of sports in life by accepting your body?

How to live without regard to beauty standards

We must stop believing that the ideals of beauty are achievable and that they will somehow change life.

Learn to see beauty not only in the mirror

What is more important is what you bring into this world, what you broadcast. Let's be honest: we look with great admiration at a person who has achieved something, who brings something into the world, than just a meter eighty model.

I'll give you an example. I have a model Zhanna Ivanova in my agency. This is a young girl who, from birth, has a lack of fingers on her hands and a prosthesis instead of a leg. And I admire her because she lives very brightly. She goes in for sports, studies, goes on the catwalks, her photo appeared on the cover of a Spanish fashion magazine.

Jeanne inspires other people to believe that anything is possible in this life if you take action. She is a very beautiful, attractive girl, and I consider her story a mission aimed at making other people learn to see and understand real values.

Find what makes you different

I was told for a long time that my appearance was outside the standard. But one day I decided: since I'm ugly, I need to be at least smart. And focused on her own development. I read a lot and played music.

And suddenly I discovered that the world was created diverse, that there is so much different beauty in it and there is not a single repetition. That every creation is a masterpiece, you just need to see it. I admitted the idea that I am a creation. That's how I'm designed, and no one else has what I have.

I think that instead of standards, you just need to look at yourself as a unique person. Look for uniqueness in yourself.

Recognize aging as a natural process

We all get old. It cannot be canceled or changed. We must adequately accept natural aging and the fact that it will not be the same as before. Therefore, one should not pursue the ideal of beauty, but protect what is now. Any age can be beautiful, and the most important thing here is not the pursuit of youth, but grooming. This is elementary respect for oneself, for others, for one's experience and for the entire path that each person goes through.

Spend money on services and procedures that you really need

Beauty products and beauty services are the case when it is better to have them than not. Everything just needs a measure.

If I like to see a well-groomed face in the mirror, a beautiful, in my opinion, figure, wear clothes that suits me, emphasizes my advantages and contributes to the achievement of my goals, then I am not against new services for care.

Talk to kids about beauty

The Internet and, in particular, social networks create conditions where children are listened to: you can start a blog and receive feedback from unfamiliar, but significant people. And children are very sensitive to it. If the child sees that they are attentive to him, he is ready to accept the position of another person. Then it is very easy for him to inspire any theory. Even the one that is harmful and dangerous.

Therefore, the advice is this: be yourself the person who talks to the child about beauty. I try to bring up children, emphasizing their individuality. I encourage their hobbies, I support their opinion on this or that issue, I say that every person is a value. It is important to me that they know this about themselves.

I teach and speak a lot in schools. And, unfortunately, over and over again I state: we, parents, pay so little attention to children, so little we show how interesting they are to us, we say little about the merits of our children to them, and not to grandmothers or neighbors. Change it.