What is tolerance and why do many people dislike this word so much
Miscellaneous / / April 26, 2023
It's time to move away from stereotypes associated with patience and weakness, and learn respect.
Why do many people not like the term "tolerance"
In Russian-language discourse, this word is not just alarming, but literally causes persistent rejection. It is worth pronouncing it in a company that is not professionally connected in any way with psychology or sociology, and an unpleasant associative series will not keep you waiting. Perhaps it appeared to you while you were reading the first paragraph. We understand why this happens.
Unsuccessful translation
When we come across an unfamiliar foreign term, the first and natural desire is to find the correct translation, analogue in Russian language. And the word "tolerance" did not benefit from this approach.
Transfer it has come to be known as "tolerance", a synonym for which is patience. And if we look into any explanatory dictionary, we will see that the word is means the ability to persevere and endure something without a murmur.
That is, it is not even implied that we are expected to be connected with something pleasant, commanding respect and affection. They always endure pain, discomfort, inconvenience.
Thus, the fundamentally incorrect, but emotional connection between tolerance and the need to endure the actions of another person, even if they seem unacceptable, violate personal boundaries and offend.
Naturally, the idea of tolerance as a requirement is resigned agree with everything that, in fact, irritates - false and even dangerous.
Suspicion of indifference
The second most popular incorrect interpretation has grown out of speech practice. Any indifferent stance is replaced with the buzzword "I'm tolerant of this" so as not to use the socially and culturally condemned "I don't care."
It turns out both weighty and safe in terms of assessing certain phenomena. But there is nothing passive and indifferent in tolerance. Like a call to endure.
Reluctance to give up your values
The third misconception sounds something like this: “What if I am tolerant of a person, but he is not to me? It turns out that I will constantly lose, yielding, and he will achieve his own.
In such a system, tolerance turns into the exact opposite of personal effectiveness, as it is associated with the rejection of one's own values and beliefs in the benefit of others.
What is tolerance really?
Tolerance is something absolutely opposite to both patience and indifference. In fact, this is the name of an active creative position, which is based on the recognition of diversity.
Faced with conflict or an incomprehensible situation, a tolerant person will not turn away from what is happening, but will try to find a socially acceptable way to change everything for the better. Including for himself, because he needs to live actively, creatively and comfortably. And also because at some point he himself can turn into a source of that very conflict or incomprehensible situation for others.
In the 19th century, at the time of the development of the principles of classical liberalism, tolerance determined as a manifestation of respect for the human right to have an opinion, even if it differs from generally accepted.
Modern society, with all the existing restrictions, remains multicultural. And it keeps the competition between different lifestyles, norms and principles.
Tolerance does not require a person to renounce his own beliefs and recognize the opposite as the only true ones.
Quite the opposite: a tolerant attitude is a sign of confidence in one's position and readiness for a fair discussion of it. Without fail, it implies only an understanding of the relativity of the opinion of each person (including own) and recognition of the value of any of its options.
As a result, the ideal definition of tolerance would be excerpt from the encyclopedic dictionary of Brockhaus and Efron, where, contrary to stereotypes, tolerance is defined as follows: “The direction of the mind, equally different from indifference (indifference) and stubborn recognition of the truth of only one’s own opinions (fanaticism). This is a sign of a high culture of the mind, the result of struggle and doubt. Tolerance is expressed in respect for other people's opinions and beliefs.
And if in very simple words, then this is the art of living in a world of diversity.
What is tolerance
Tolerance is both a medical and a sociological term. But we are interested in the social side of the issue, since we are tolerant or intolerant most often to events and people.
Tolerance as a basic neuro-psychological stability
That is the emotional stability of a person. We are talking about his ability to overcome problematic and crisis situations, about resistance to stress, the ability to self-regulate. This kind of tolerance determines how effective we can be in extreme circumstances, how we cope with psychotraumatic factors.
If over the past two years you have been doing well, were able to return to a relatively comfortable state for yourself and continue to plan, congratulations: you have shown tolerance.
Tolerance as a set of individual qualities of a person
These are personal characteristics that determine our attitude to the world and to other people, as well as the very ability to effectively interact with them. Among these qualities is an attitude to uncertainty: how comfortable a person feels in a situation of change, lack of information, ambiguity of rules.
Another personality trait associated with tolerance is the ability to empathize - a special ability of a person to empathize with others. And here it is worth adding mental flexibility, communicative competence, altruismability to trust and willingness to take responsibility.
Tolerance as a system of human values
These values determine his attitude to the diversity of the world. And if any of them is missing, a certain kind of intolerance appears.
- Gender. It includes everything that is included in the area of discussion of gender equality, from salaries to sexism in marketing, from stereotypes like "men don't cry" to the lack of father and child rooms.
- Age. For example, ageism is discrimination against a person based on age. Have you heard about “ticking clock” or “too bright outfit for such venerable years”? This is an example of age intolerance.
- Educational. “If you study so poorly, you will go to the janitors”, “Yes, he is so narrow-minded that he only goes to college, what other institute.” It seems that literally everyone in childhood heard such phrases. It is worth knowing that this is a manifestation of intolerance.
- National-ethnic. The most understandable type, brightly lit in modern culture. Any assignment of personal qualities to a person on the basis of his nationality is intolerance. Its highest degree is nationalism.
- Geographic. Here there are intersections with the national-ethnic type, but there are also some peculiarities. Just look at the examples: “Are you there, beyond the Moscow Ring Road, is everyone dressing so badly?”, “Why are you so gloomy? From Norilsk, or what?
- Class-social. A classic example from the school curriculum literature - surprised "And peasant women know how to love!". Modern options are easily found on social networks, where the importance of a person is determined by clothing brands.
- marginal. Stereotypes about the homeless and those who have criminal experience immediately come to mind. But in fact, the list is much longer: a non-trivial example is people with mental illness.
Why be tolerant at all?
Tolerance is a kind of basic resource that largely determines our resilience.
To deal with stress
Tolerance allows us to better adapt to extreme and crisis situations and stay healthy physically and mentally.
A man must not endure anything, but actively engage in correcting uncomfortable circumstances. And this is logical: experiencing inconvenience, we not only worsen the quality of life, but also deprive ourselves of any chance to establish relationships with others.
To communicate with other people and not suffer because of it
Patience always works on the principle of a spring: the more we strain it, the stronger the resistance. Sooner or later, tension will find a way out and turn into aggression (verbal or physical), open discrimination or internal psychological problems.
To avoid being enslaved by stereotypes
Our brain is a very clever organ. If he has the opportunity not to assess the situation objectively, but to resort to a set of ready-made answers - stereotypes, he will do it.
When thinking operates only with them, this is called rigidity. It not only leads to errors due to cognitive distortionsbut also blocks our creativity. The possibility of self-development, the ability to solve a problem that has been worrying for a long time in a non-standard way - all this is consistent with the principles of tolerance.
To achieve a synergy effect
The challenges facing modern man require cooperation with other people. And the more diverse your team, the more effective it is: after all, these are different experiences, different skills, and different approaches to work.
Tolerance leads to a synergistic effect: different people, interacting, are able to issue a breakthrough solution. But if we are not ready to see them next to us, then we can simply remain out of work.
How to develop tolerance
Developing it is much more difficult than mastering any skill. But you can strengthen your resource if you act in the following directions.
Deal with stress
The more internal resource and strength we have, the easier it is to explore and try new things. Difficulty accepting an offer Colleagues use an unfamiliar way of solving problems when the only desire is to lie down so that you are not touched.
Nervous exhaustion harms creativity. And that means your tolerance as the ability to find the best solution among many options.
Try new things and experiment
Go to work by different roads, try to go where you have not been before. A calm attitude to the new will help to accustom yourself to the increasing uncertainty in life. Nobody knows what lies ahead for us. More skills - more ability to stay in order even in a moment of turbulence.
Be interested in other people
Believe me, these are the most amazing creatures, the most beautiful in their individuality. Just take a look and get a lot of pleasure from what you see!
Engagement will help you pump communicative tolerance and the ability to decenter is the ability to distance oneself from the thought of one’s own only true position and look at the situation from different angles.
When you are ready to accept that someone else might be right, there are more options for solving work and personal problems. For example, studying the experience of competitors is very useful. And companies that initially consider rivals incompetent, due to intolerance, may miss an interesting idea and lose springboard for growth.
Try to practice humanistic ways of solving problems
Imagine: your colleague constantly turns in his part of the work at the very last moment, because of which you have to work overtime.
Will it be tolerant not to pay any attention to this and suffer quietly? No. Will it be tolerant to approach him and tell him that he is the cause of all your troubles, finally spoiling the relationship? No.
The best way in this situation is to directly tell the person what the consequences of his actions turn out to be for you, and then find out the reasons and propose together solve the problem of.
Perhaps the whole thing is in family difficulties, and then a temporary redistribution of tasks will help. Or there is too much work - and here you need the participation of the leader. You don’t need to enter into a position - you just need to determine the cause of the discomfort in order to then cope with it.
Bonus: an exercise to evaluate your own experience
Tolerance is difficult to cultivate with the help of ready-made answers, textbooks and exhortations. Like everything else, we learn it in the process of obtaining and analyzing our own experience. You can help get it started by asking the right questions.
Below is an example of an exercise from a prevention program bullying "Everyone is important." Try to go through it without looking at the end of the article.
Here are 10 photos of children:
- A boy with thick glasses.
- A girl with skin problems.
- A boy rocking a disco.
- A thin boy who cries.
- Girl in a hijab.
- Boy sitting with books.
- The girl in the burnt sneakers.
- A boy drawing horses in a notebook.
- Girl with the latest iPhone.
- Red and freckled boy.
Now answer the question: which of these children will be the first victim of bullying? Who is second? Who won't at all? As a result, someone will focus on nationality, someone - on the alleged inconsistency with the image "male”, someone - on the appearance, which is so often the subject of evaluation.
But the statistically correct answer is this: absolutely anyone can become a victim of bullying. Gender, social status, nationality and character traits do not matter.
We will all be “other” for someone in a number of ways. And for benevolent communication it does not matter. On the contrary, it is an occasion to discuss the personal experience of both sides.
Every time you experience any negative emotion towards a person or situation, ask yourself:
- What exactly is it about the object that makes me feel this way?What qualities do I focus on? For example: "It seems that I do not trust him because of his nationality."
- Is there any real reason to associate this quality with a negative? “I often heard that people of this nationality behave aggressively and unreliably. And I seem to understand that it is unscientific to associate character with nationality, but I still continue to do it.
- Do I know anything at all about this, if you do not take into account the stereotypes? For example: “What do I know about people of this nationality? Have I read anything else besides negative news? Someone spoke about hospitality and enterprise, it seems.”
- Where can I find more information to analyze my attitude, to change it? “Hmm, I need to find a book about this country. And it would also be interesting to go there in the summer, look at nature and communicate with people.”
Let's go back to 10 photos. Intolerance and bullying, as one of its examples, is not a question of the relationship between the aggressor and the victim, it is always a question climate in the team. Conflict will not happen only if people are intolerant of any form of violence and are open to communication at the level of "different, but still equal."
And this approach is the meaning of tolerance.
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- What is the difference between morality, morality and hypocrisy
- Justice, equality and double standards: what is the new ethics and how does it change the norms of communication
- The paradox of tolerance: why you can’t put up with someone else’s opinion all the time