How to live with a person if you have a different attitude towards cleanliness and order

At home, we relax and disconnect from the outside world. This is the only place where we truly feel relaxed and comfortable. That is why living together with someone who has a different attitude to order, and therefore, a different understanding of comfort, sometimes becomes unbearable.

It doesn't matter how clean or sloppy the people who share the same living space are. The main thing is that they have the same idea of ​​​​the limit that disorder can reach. The greater the difference in views, the more conflicts will be in the house.

Usually the situation is as follows. A more careful person perceives clutter as an encroachment on their personal space. He constantly sees dirty dishes in the sink or dust on the shelves, and eventually takes over the cleaning and organizing duties. Resentment against a partner or flatmate grows, and then turns into a full-fledged quarrel.

In addition, personal experience also plays a role. People who have a lower tolerance limit for disorder get irritated at any hint of it and try to correct the situation right away. People who have a much higher limit often simply do not notice that it is time to clean up, because for them the critical mark has not yet been reached.

As a result, to a more careful person, it may seem that a partner or roommate is purposefully ignoring the problem. "I'm taking out the trash again?! Apparently, they don’t respect me at all,” such thoughts only exacerbate conflicts and prevent agreement. To learn how to live peacefully, you need to understand your differences and create an effective system that will take them into account.

How to find a common language

To ask questions

Usually, a more accurate person becomes the initiator of the conversation. This happens because his personal limit is reached much earlier. If this is you, you may want to give the other person advice on how to keep things clean and tidy, or lash out at them with criticism. Should not be doing that.

Psychologists note that the main problem that people face during a conversation on this topic is a black and white vision of the situation. Although even neat people should treat their system of organization as a personal preference, no more. This approach will allow you to start a conversation with your feelings about the disorder, which means that it will not force the interlocutor to immediately switch to protection mode.

Simple questions to start the discussion will show that you want to find a solution that works for everyone. For example: “When you left the kitchen in the evening, did you check if you forgot something on the table?” Or: “After you cleaned the bathroom, you noticed that the mirror left dirty? In this way, you give the other person the opportunity to admit that he really didn’t notice something or accidentally missed it, and present his version situations. At this point, it is important to remember that less tidy people have a much higher tolerance threshold for disorder.

The other person can then ask you about your cleaning and organization preferences. And then it is important to tell what feelings and why the attitude of your partner or neighbor to the mess makes you feel. At this stage, the interlocutor is likely to be more attentive to your desires. When we start a conversation in order to get someone else's point of view, and not to prove our own rightness, the element of rivalry disappears, which leads to quarrels.

Correctly explain the situation

Tell your partner or roommate about the concept of the limit of mess. This will allow you to avoid accusations and explain that the whole point is in its different indicators, and not in the fact that someone is a slut, and someone is clean and, therefore, better. It's just that your limit is much lower, so it's reached faster and you're doing more housework, but you want things to change.

This approach will also remove the likely negative prejudice you may have towards the other person. He is not disrespectful or trying to make your life hell. He simply does not notice the problem and is still in his comfort zone. He may not even be aware that you clean much more often. Explain the situation and emphasize that you would like the tasks to be performed in turns.

Talk about your preferences

Formulate what is absolutely unacceptable for you when it comes to order and organization of space, and where you are ready to make indulgences. Perhaps it's important to you that the table be wiped down after each meal, or you hate shoes scattered at the front door. Give your partner or roommate specific instructions and explain your preferences and expectations.

Distribute responsibilities

People with a lower clutter limit are more likely to become hostages to household chores they hate. This happens because they almost always have to deal with them.

Let's say you don't like dirty dishes left in the sink. And you start washing the cups and plates that your partner or roommate leaves every time. Gradually, you do it more often, which means faster and better. And the better you cope with a certain duty, the less noticeable your efforts become. As a result, the other person does not understand how much effort you spend on it. Moreover, he may assume that you like to wash dishes, and he himself will do it even less often.

This creates a pattern of division of labor where we do the tasks that we care about the most and enjoy the least. Therefore, you should not do everything yourself. Instead, talk and decide how your partner or neighbor can do their part of the household chores.

Notice the contribution of everyone in different areas

Yes, maybe your partner or roommate is making more of a mess. But it is also possible that there are other household or personal duties that he does well. Remember this and you will feel that the world is more just.

When we talk about equality, it's not about one person cleaning the bathroom this week and someone else the next. It's about what the relationship is giving you and whether it's worth the effort you put in.

If the slut is the roommate you rent with, he might cook more often, hang out with annoying neighbors downstairs, or buy funny knick-knacks for the house. If at the same time he is your friend, then most likely he gives you support, a pleasant pastime, or something else that can partly compensate for his sloppiness.

If you live with a loved one, there can be even more advantages. Remember that you fell in love with him not because he cleans the sink perfectly or vacuums great. A partner brings positive emotions into your life together every day, serves as a support and not only. Yes, these things take less time than cleaning, but that doesn't make them any less important.

A sober assessment of your relationship with a partner, friend or neighbor will make sure that you receive as much as you give, only in other ways.

How to organize cleaning

Simplify the process

In an attempt to control chaos, cleaners usually come up with intricate systems of organization and storage, such as using multi-colored boxes for different things or drawers with a bunch of compartments. However, all this works only for the same neat people, but not for people with a high tolerance for disorder. Therefore, it is much better to use systems from one simple step and, before adding another one, make sure that it is really needed.

Take a laundry basket. It can be with or without a lid. A less careful person can put things right on the lid, but if there is none, then the clothes will definitely go straight into the basket. The same rule works for containers and compartments in the refrigerator. People with a high clutter limit simply won't notice or understand a complex system of organization in the same way as people with a lower limit. Which means it will be useless.

The simpler the organization method, the easier it is to follow and the less stress for both parties.

Divide space into zones

The common space is unlikely to always look exactly the way you want. But personal - quite.

Designate personal zones in the apartment. This way you are guaranteed to have your own place where you keep everything in order, and your partner or neighbor has his own place where his mess will not bother you.

This will avoid conflicts over a unified system of organization. Everyone will get their own corner, where there is a comfortable atmosphere and no need to follow anyone's rules.

Make a schedule

People with different clutter limits notice dirt and mess at different times. If you agree to clean "as needed", only the one with the lower limit will do it. That is why it is important to create a clear and understandable schedule.

Think about how often you would like to clean and discuss with a partner or roommate how they can participate in this process. Ask yourself what level of clutter you are willing to put up with, knowing that the other person will also take the initiative. For example, if you agreed that he washes the dishes at least once a day, it will be much easier for you to leave dirty dishes in the sink and wait, rather than take on this job.