How to criticize and respond to criticism

Criticism and reaction to it is a high-voltage part of communication. On each side are living people who can be careless with other people's feelings, take words personally instead of a worker, burrow deep into experiences. As a result, the team atmosphere can heat up, and the parties can sharpen knives at each other.

To maintain the peace of mind of employees and the productivity of the team as a whole, rules are needed for both the one who criticizes and the recipient of criticism.

In my Telegram channelScriabin's heresy”I talked about the rules of the Palindrome, which help to avoid conflicts and misunderstandings in the team. I share with you.

How to Criticize Correctly and Safely

The mission of any feedback is to solve a joint problem. Therefore, you need to speak so that the person hears you. Here's how to do it.

1. Consider the purpose of the conversation before the conversation

We need to understand why we want to give feedback. Bad goals are to punish, offend, point out a person’s mistakes. The good ones are to figure out what went wrong, to find a solution to the problem together.

2. Report the conversation in advance

Let me know if you want to give feedback. This is necessary so that the person prepares for the conversation, understands the nuances of the project himself, and comes to the discussion assembled. Criticism is stressful, even if we try to take it right. Experiences are inevitable, so give the person time to prepare.

3. Meet alone

People often perceive public criticism as a trial by jury. Feeling ashamed in front of others causes a defensive reaction, so the information will be rejected. It is best to give feedback in private. If the conversation turns out to be very productive, then you can package the thoughts into conclusions and share them with the team.

4. Don't start feedback with negatives

Use the principle of the "green marker": first of all, "circle" the pluses of the work. Highlight the complexity and volume of the project, list the strengths. After that, start making mistakes. It's a classic hamburger with crap. If you neglect the "green marker", the person will have the feeling that you hate him.

5. Be careful with ratings

We are not discussing a person, but how he worked in a particular project. Remember that people are good and beautiful by default, and mistakes do not define a person's character. Most often, fakups are associated with the fact that the employee did not understand something, forgot about something, or did not know something. You need to figure it out and figure out how to fix it.

6. Rely on solid

That is, back up your words with facts. Taste, speculation, muddy assessments will not help during feedback. Refer to documents, task statement, terms of reference, deadlines - anything that will prove your objectivity.

7. Support the position that all mistakes are correctable

Do not present criticism in the format of a disaster. And after the feedback, emphasize that almost all mistakes fixable. The main thing is to find breaking points together and figure out what to do now.

If the consequences of the mistake are catastrophic, the person destroyed the project, then there is no point in criticizing. Feedback is not given to those with whom they want to leave instantly.

8. Don't turn feedback into a monologue

Let the person feel like not being accused, but a linear participant in the process. Ask questions to the interlocutor: how can you fix the mistake, what went wrong in the chain of actions, how he himself assesses the risks caused by the mistake.

9. Lead the conversation towards finding a joint solution

Ask what the feedback recipient thinks about the problem, offer your own solutions, encourage his suggestions. Emphasize in every possible way that the main purpose of the conversation is to understand each other, agree and correct mistakes.

How not to respond to criticism

When we sat on a project for a long time, it is a priori dear to us. We have put a lot of professional and mental resources into it. Because of this, we want to protect him from any ill-wishers. When we are told about the shortcomings of the project, the temptation is great to respond in an unconstructive way.

I suppose that the response algorithms were laid in childhood. Parents they criticized us incorrectly, so a psychological thrombus and destructive scenarios of reaction to criticism formed.

There are only three of them.

1. Negation. The person says, "No, I don't agree, actually everything is fine."
2. Ignoring. A person simply does not pay attention to what they say to him.
3. Claims in response. The man says: “Yes, as much as possible, I worked so hard, and again they are dissatisfied with me.” So he devalues ​​the author of the feedback and brightens up the mistake with other achievements.

In all of these scenarios, the person avoids working with feedback. But this leads to stagnation. When you deny, ignore, or criticize in return, you lose qualifications, refuse development, and damage relationships with colleagues and loved ones. If you feel like you're following these scenarios, stop and try to get out.

How to turn criticism into favor

I am sure that constructive criticism moves the world. Therefore, it should be treated with gratitude. The person spent time, found errors, showed them, helped to improve the project. He's great, thank you. If people didn't criticize each other's work, there wouldn't be good products.

How to respond to feedback so that it is useful? Here are four steps:

1. Listen carefully.
2. Ask clarifying questions.
3. Draw conclusions, share them with the other party.
4. If the findings are significant, share them with colleagues. This can be useful for team development.

There are situations when criticism is difficult to withstand. It hurts, tears flow. This reaction is normal, we are alive and vulnerable. In this case, the mantra helps: “I am not my mistake, all people make mistakes. It doesn't make me worse."