How to help your child develop self-confidence

When to Consider Developing Self-Confidence in Your Child

Self-confidence is the ability to assess your capabilities as sufficient to achieve your goals. This property is directly related to self-esteem, that is, a person’s general view of his own personality and position in society.

And both of these qualities begin to form from a very early age. Psychologist Ksenia Nesyutina says that the foundation of self-esteem is laid at a time when the child is not yet is aware myself.

At first, the baby absorbs the attitude of the mother: how she looks at him, how she reacts to his needs, what she feels. From this, the first ideas of the child about himself begin to take shape - a deep emotional level of self-esteem, which is formed before the age of three.

In one study notedthat by the age of five children already have a certain self-esteem, and therefore it is worth taking care of the child's self-confidence long before he receives his first mark at school. Moreover, this quality of personality directly depends from parents.

According to researchFirst of all, attention and warmth in relationships are important for the self-esteem of the child. These are universal principles, and more specific recommendations depend on age.

Since the characteristics of the development of children and adolescents are very different, we will analyze the main rules education self-confident child from birth to 12 years. And we will talk about how to work on self-esteem in adolescents in a separate article.

How to develop self-confidence in a child under 2 years old

Psychologist Yulia Fedotova says that during this period baby and the parent are in a kind of mental symbiosis with each other, and the behavior and actions of the adult contain certain emotional messages.

They can be both positive (“I am there, everything is fine, be calm”) and negative (“Your feelings and sensations do not matter”).

Based on such messages, the child begins to build the foundation of his own "I", he develops a basic trust in the world and a positive or negative attitude towards himself.

Take the child in your arms more often, especially if he wants it, do not ignore him cry and don't leave him alone if it frightens and upsets him.

Children under the age of 2 cannot be spoiled - the more attention, love and care they receive, the better for their development and mental health.

How to develop self-confidence in children 2-4 years old

Take care of several important factors.

Protect your child from stress

At this age, children are very egocentric: they see themselves as the main figure in the universe and believe that absolutely everything depends on them and happens through their fault.

Ksenia Nesyutina explains that in this way the child's psyche is protected from the feeling of complete defenselessness and dependence on parents.

This is an absolutely normal mechanism, but in the event of some shocks, it can harm self-esteem. Therefore, at an early age it is very important to protect children from negative information.

Allow your child to be independent

Yulia Fedotova says that in the period from two to four years, children actively try to show their autonomy. And we need to properly respond to these needs.

Many parents get tired of the awkward attempts of a son or daughter to do something on their own. For example, they cannot patiently watch how a child tries to button up a jacket, and they do it for him. Or they are not allowed to help during the cleaning, because he will still not do it as well as an adult.

At the same time, the child determines what he can and cannot do, focusing on the reaction of loved ones. Positive feedback from parents OK and support - reinforce self-confidence. And excessive control, overprotection or harsh criticism, on the contrary, make it difficult to believe in their abilities.

Encourage your child to become independent. Let him button up his clothes, sweep the floors, cook some simple food under your guidance.

Prompt and guide him, say that everything will work out. Praise for successes and comfort in case of failure.

How to develop self-confidence in children 4-6 years old

During the preschool years, the child's social connections expand, but relationships with parents or other important adults are still defining in his life.

Adjust the amount of praise and criticism

Ksenia Nesyutina says that until the age of six, a child cannot perceive himself as a whole person who has both bad and good qualities.

Preschoolers divide the world into black and white, as in fairy tales, and this view extends to the attitude towards oneself. A child is either bad or good. There is no third.

When you praise children, their positive self-image is strengthened, when you scold - negative. If criticism prevails in communication, the child will be convinced that he is “bad”, “lazy”, “unskillful”, and in the future this will affect his self-confidence.

It is clear that rare parents can completely refrain from criticizing their children, and this is normal. The main thing is that the "white" side - a positive interest in the child, praise, mention of his good sides - outweigh the "black".

Help your child see what he's good at

If parents do not pay enough attention to children, they do not receive feedback on whether they are good or bad. And it's no better than constant criticism.

Ksenia Nesyutina advises to try one simple technique that will help the child determine their interests and strengths, and subsequently can become the foundation for self-confidence.

It may seem to adults that it is pointless to voice obvious things, because the child himself probably understands what he is interested in and he is passionate about. But in fact, this is not so: children do not focus on this and often do not appreciate how they do it. Your comment can be a good hint and a basis for improvement self-confidence.

For example, if you notice that a child is good at drawing, this will become part of his cognitive self-assessment. Once in an unfamiliar, intimidating environment, such as kindergarten, he will be able to use his knowledge and skills to prove his worth, make new friends, and build self-confidence.

How to increase self-confidence in children 6-12 years old

At this age, there are many factors that can affect a child's self-esteem: success in study, status in a peer group, the presence of any skills and abilities. There are several key points to consider.

Show interest in learning

Now opinion also affects self-confidence teachers. Poor grades can hurt a child's self-esteem and reduce their motivation to study.

In one study figured outthat the children of engaged and engaged parents tend to perform better, which increases their sense of competence and maintains self-confidence.

Show interest in how your child learns. Check his homework, help him overcome problems with disciplines that are not given to him.

At the same time, do not draw a parallel between the academic performance of the child and his success in general. Explain that grade is not the only criterion by which he is judged. Everybody commit mistakes, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Don't compare with others

Don't try to compare your children to their classmates or friends in an attempt to spur motivation, and try to give objective feedback on achievement.

Schoolboy 6–12 years old is already able to independently evaluate his actions, and admiration from scratch or, conversely, belittling his merits and efforts can greatly affect his self-confidence.

Be aware of your child's social life

Bullying, bullying and violence can cause great harm to the psychological state of the child, moreover, in the shortest possible time. Julia Fedotova says that in adulthood, many victims unconsciously blame themselves for what happened and it takes a lot of time and effort to restore their self-confidence.

In order not to miss such moments, try to build a trusting relationship with your child. Be interested in his affairs, ask how he spends time with friends, how teachers and other adults communicate with him.

What can prevent a child from developing self-confidence

There are several factors that negatively affect children's self-esteem and self-confidence. We will take them one by one.

Unpredictable parental response

Yulia Fedotova says that the most traumatic experience for a child can be the unpredictable and unexpected reaction of parents.

For example, today mother screaming on a child because of unwashed dishes or even ignores him for several days, trying to show how unhappy she is. And tomorrow she simply does not pay attention to a dirty plate in the sink, she can treat her with something tasty or invite her to her favorite place of entertainment.

Another example is the incomprehensible attitude to grades at school. For example, for a five the child does not hear praise, but at the same time, because of the four or three, it receives a flurry of criticism.

Set rules, enforce them, and be consistent. Children should clearly understand for what actions they will receive encouragement, and for what they will punished.

Linking the child's personality to his misdeeds and achievements

It is very important to convince the child that he is valued and loved for who he is. Just because he exists in this world.

This does not mean that you need to ignore misbehavior and allow everything. It is important that the child knows that he is responsible for his actions, and the consequences of some of them may be a certain kind of sanctions. But at the same time, the parent will not stop loving him.

If your child has done something bad, let him know that you are unhappy and explain how to change the behavior. Together you can analyze the reasons why this or that negative situation occurred, find constructive ways to deal with it and think about how to prevent this from happening in the future.

At the same time, try to convey to the child that it is the deed that is bad, and not the child himself. Make sure he knows about it.

Having learned that it is valuable and needed, regardless of victory or defeat, the child will receive a reliable basis for self-confidence, will be able to give fair assessments of their own actions and correct their behavior.

These skills will enable him to successfully pass through teenage age with its hormonal storms and maximalism. Read the following article to learn how to help children during this difficult period.