How attachment type affects career success

If you have ever argued with a colleague so much that you disrupted a joint project, or, conversely, found mutual understanding from a half-word, you know that professionalism is not the only success factor in workplace. Relationships with the team are extremely important, and very often dictated by our type of attachment. It affects not only how we communicate, but also how productive we are and what results we achieve.

Work relationships, like any other, involve our interpersonal skills, often requiring as much (if not more) of our time and energy.

What are the types of attachment

In total, there are four of them: reliable, anxious, avoidant and anxious-avoidant.

For example, if your parents or caregivers did not always meet your childhood needs, you could subconsciously learn for themselves the lesson that others cannot be trusted, that they do not fulfill their promises. This contributed to the formation of an anxious type of attachment. And now, perhaps you doubt that your boss or colleagues can really be relied upon.

Those with a different type of attachment, such as a secure one, will not have these problems. People with this type are more confident in themselves and tend to trust others.

How different types of attachment show up at work

Reliable

People with this type feel comfortable establishing close relationships with colleagues and trusting superiors. From the point of view of attachment theory, this is a direct result of the fact that in childhood they had a reliable rear and trusting relationships with adults, or another example of a similar positive scenario.

The qualities of "reliable" allow them to work well in a group, without pulling the blanket over themselves and respecting the boundaries. As a result, they form a strong team of employees who support each other. This strengthens the stamina of the “reliable” and protects them from burnout.

Research confirms the positive traits of “trustworthy” that show up in the workplace. SurveyC. Hazan, P. R. Shaver. Love and work: An attachment‑theoretical perspective / Journal of Personality and Social Psychology with the participation of 290 people showed that people with this type were the least afraid of failure and rejection from colleagues. This attachment model helps to establish strong personal bonds that can be useful in the future.

Of course, the “reliable” face problems just like everyone else. However, according to clinical psychologist Deanna Wirick, they are adept at resolving conflicts and clearing up misunderstandings. “People with a secure type of attachment are able to cope with stressors and ask for help if needed,” the expert notes. In addition, they are calm about criticism and do not associate it with a personal attitude towards themselves.

alarming

In the past, people with this type of attachment have had intermittent, chaotic relationships with parents or other significant adults. That is why the "anxious" have a deep fear of being abandoned or not accepted, which makes them seek approval from others in both personal and work relationships.

"Anxious" may worry about the hidden meaning of critical comments addressed to them and take them to heart as evidence of their own uselessness. They also view delays in response from their boss or co-workers as refusal. This reduces their productivity and increases anxiety.

StudyM. P. Leiter, A. Day, L. price. Attachment styles at work: Measurement, collegial relationships, and burnout / Burnout Research, which involved more than 1600 people, confirmed that people with an anxious type of attachment are more prone to burnout than others. According to his results, they are also more likely to be rude and cynic in the workplace, they reach exhaustion faster.

However, experts note that in terms of performance, people with an anxious type are more likely to make efforts to develop their skills and improve results. The reason lies in their desire to be accepted.

Avoiding

People with this type of attachment tend to avoid or push others away because of trust issues. This is usually due to the fact that in their childhood, adults did not show them feelings, did not interact with them, or were unavailable in one way or another. Therefore, they shy away from any social interaction and distance themselves even more when they hear criticism.

"Avoidant" employees usually stay away, but can sometimes openly express disagreement and criticize leader. “At their worst, they can look like skeptics who provoke conflict. But more often than not, they remain “lone wolves,” says Rebecca Hendrix.

Because avoidant people are unable to form emotional bonds with co-workers, they may feel excluded from the group and not know how to fix it. This situation also leads to burnout.

At the same time, "avoiders" often show high productivity, especially in work that needs to be done alone. They are able to focus all their attention on the task without being distracted by conversations and other office temptations.

Anxious avoidant

It combines the qualities of anxious and avoidant. That is why you never know what to expect from people with this type of attachment. This is due to the fact that in childhood they had to take on adult role. Experience has taught them that the world around them is chaotic and unpredictable.

“Sometimes anxious-avoidant people act like they want to be part of a team and crave approval. On other days, on the contrary, they repel and criticize others, ”says Rebecca Hendrix. This happens because attempts to please everyone and become the soul of the company in their own eyes fail, they do not feel support from colleagues.

Anxious avoiders may think they will always be inferior and never desirable because they are not perfect. This makes them feel helpless and alienate those around them. Due to their unstable behavior, employees with this type of attachment often sabotage working relationships.

How to use your attachment type to advance your career

When you know your type of attachment, you have the opportunity to choose the most suitable mode of operation (alone or in a team), learn how to respond competently to criticism, as well as understand what kind of approval you need in order to feel myself At work comfortable and be sure that you are appreciated.

It is important to remember that our behavioral patterns do not reflect our personality. “These are normal reactions to what we got or didn’t get as we grew up. For many of us, our parents were unable to give us what we needed, because at one time they themselves were not given it, ”says Rebecca Hendrix.

Instead of using this vicious circle as an excuse, take matters into your own hands and give yourself what you need. This will help wean yourself from harmful behaviors, and therefore change your type of attachment.

Rebecca Hendricks recommends working with a therapist who specializes in emotionally focused therapy. If you don't have that opportunity, start by showing empathy and understanding for yourself and your behavior, whatever it may be right now.