How to recognize and deal with emotional deprivation

Have you ever felt like the people you love are ignoring your emotional needs? This is depressing, and the inner voice whispers: “Why say something? They still don't understand me." Now imagine this pattern showing up regularly in any relationship throughout your life. If you recognize yourself in this description, you may be dealing with emotional deprivation.

These personal patterns are the result of childhood experiences where our brains are trying to figure out the “rules” by which relationships work in order to respond appropriately. The problem is that the basis for these rules is the situation in the family, and for each it is individual. What is acceptable in one family may not be at all close to another. Therefore, when we become adults, our brain continues to respond to settings that are no longer relevant.

Emotional deprivation usually manifests itself when your parents or people who care for you do not heard, did not consider important, did not “mirror” or in any other way did not respond to your needs. At the same time, you knew that you had these needs, and therefore were angry with your family members. The voice of emotional deprivation told you, “You have real, legitimate needs and you are being ignored! It's horrible! You must be angry! Although, this continues to be repeated from time to time, so it’s better to just be offended and not say anything. ”

Now imagine that your brain is still giving out such monologues, although you have long grown up and are among people who are ready to give you more emotional response than your family. Emotional deprivation can make you close and feel isolated, as if everyone around you is cold to you or, conversely, you yourself are cold to others.

What are the signs of emotional deprivation

• You assume you're being rejected even when there's no evidence of it
• Do you often feel sad
• You feel alone and no one understands you
• You often feel resentment and anger
• You are acting passive-aggressively
• You show coldness to others when they try to get close to you, trying to act like "they act"

How to get rid of emotional deprivation

Understand your past

Remember what the situation was in the family when you were growing up. What was the emotional atmosphere like? Why might you feel emotionally neglected?

The point is not to scold and blame loved ones, but to figure out what happened during that period of your life and why then you reacted in a certain way.

Understand your emotional needs

Remember what you needed as a child. Perhaps you wanted your parents to regularly ask how school was doing and listen carefully. Or maybe your needs were so neglected that you needed an adult and mentor outside of your family.

Determine how much you interfere with yourself

Recognize and notice moments when you overreact, have high emotional expectations of others, and are overly judgmental of others. Give people a chance to get closer to you.

Speak everything out loud

Try to figure out how you can express your feelings without anger and resentment. You can explain exactly what you want, without scandals and misunderstandings.

Think about whether you are choosing the right environment

Sometimes people with emotional deprivation are drawn to cold partners because such a relationship model is already familiar to them. Therefore, do not forget about this factor. It may be difficult for your loved one to be “warmer”. Discuss it.

Contact a psychologist

Emotional deprivation can be very deep inside, so it can be difficult to deal with it on your own. A qualified specialist will help to work out and eradicate this model.

The main key to fighting emotional deprivation is to remember yourself in childhood and feel compassion for that child who once did not receive what he really needed. This compassion and understanding must be applied to the present self. Try to figure out how you can protect yourself and your emotional needs in a healthy way. You deserve it!