How to build relationships with partners of other nationalities: 3 real stories

People in multinational unions face many difficulties: from chauvinistic stereotypes of relatives to adaptation to a foreign culture and mentality. We talked to three girls about how their relationships with men from China, Italy and Jordan are developing.

“Friends and relatives have already come to terms with the fact that I only want to build relationships with the Chinese”

Dating history

In 2019, there was a party for foreigners in St. Petersburg. I was interested China - its culture, language and food - and I decided to make friends with someone from there. Didn't really hope for anything.

And then I saw a tall handsome boy. It was Juan. He worked as a model. I asked to take a picture with him as a keepsake. We exchanged contacts, but I was sure that he had a girlfriend or even several. As a result, we did not communicate for six months. And then he suggested taking a walk, having dinner together. And gradually everything grew into a relationship.

The language barrier

Juan was embarrassed that he did not speak Russian well. But I had nothing Chinese. Plus, unlike him, I was never afraid to say the wrong thing. Juan later admitted that he would not have invited me if I also had a language barrier - we would simply have nothing to talk about.

Sometimes, though, it got ridiculous. For example, when he wanted to say: "I'm drunk", he said: "I'm a piano." And instead of the phrase "I'm an extrovert" I got "I'm an alien." In Chinese, the difference between these words is only one letter!

Cultural differences

Overcoming the cultural barrier was more difficult for us. The mentality of Russians and Chinese is different. Because of this, we have had many misunderstandings. For example, in China it is considered outrageous if a girl (especially a wife) is in a public place without her boyfriend at night.

My walks with a friend through the night Petersburg ended with Juan and I quarreling.

To avoid such conflicts in the future, we tried to talk a lot, tried to understand each other. Now he does not forbid me anything. And I, in turn, if I go for a walk, send him messages and videos that everything is fine with me.

I think that problems in such relationships can arise because people start dating a person of a different nationality, not knowing anything about his culture. For example, if I didn’t know that the Chinese consider it normal to forbid a girl to go out alone at night, then I would have left Juan immediately - at the first call that my freedom was being restricted.

Relationships with friends and relatives

Friends and relatives have already come to terms with the fact that I want to build relationships only with the Chinese - they are usually very caring and attentive. Before Juan, I met with several guys, but it didn’t reach a serious one. At the same time, my surroundings liked him the most. They saw with what tenderness and seriousness Juan treats me.

I am his first Russian girlfriend. His friends were even a little jealous. But the parents were shocked. But I'm lucky they're not old school. In China, parents usually want to see a wealthy local daughter-in-law next to their son. But he was told all his life that they would accept any choice. Now Juan's relatives ask how I'm doing, they are interested, they worry.

By the way, they still don't know that we're married. In China, it is not customary to sign without housing, car, education. For them, this is a big deal. Juan fears their reaction and waits for the right moment to tell them everything.

I think there are still surprises waiting for me when I get to know his relatives. They know absolutely nothing about Russia and Russians. Therefore, at first I will try to control myself so as not to shock them.

Most likely, there will be many problems during my pregnancy and when raising a child. For example, in China, after a maternity hospital, a woman must lie flat for a month, look at the ceiling and take care of baby.

She cannot take a shower, go outside, drink cold water, wash dishes. It is believed that childbirth is a huge burden on the body of a girl and she needs a month to recover.

Historically, they have had a one-child, one-family policy. Now you can start up to two. Therefore, in China, children and those who give birth to them are treated with great respect - mothers are valued and protected. Sometimes even too much.

In general, if Juan or his parents forbid me to go out, I will make a scandal!

But it is important that I have already heard about it and know what to expect. Therefore, we will discuss this point in advance and find a compromise. Of course, there will be something else that we don’t even know about yet, but I hope we can handle everything.

"Everyone needs to swear in their own language"

Dating history

We have been married since 2018 and have known each other since 2016. Yuri (no, he has no Russian roots!) is a football coach. Previously, he often visited Russia - he came there for work. There we met. And then I flew to Italy to study, and we continued our relationship.

Probably, the main difficulty of multinational unions is that some of you will have to change location, deal with documents, go through bureaucratic hell. But you can deal with it.

The language barrier

There was practically no language barrier. We both spoke English, he spoke a little Russian. Then I learned Italian. Now we communicate mainly on it. But it was always easy to understand each other.

The only thing is that it is unusual to explain all Russian jokes and memes. But since Yuri is interested in our culture, every time it gets easier and easier. Most of the guys I know are not so immersed.

But funny moments happen sometimes. For example, in Italian there is a word figata. It means something like “*** date”, “za ** sis”, but in Italy there is no taboo swearing as such, these words can always be used.

And then one day in an elegant coffee shop in St. Petersburg on Nevsky Prospekt, a courteous waiter asked her husband: “Did you like everything?” He said, "Thanks, fuck it all." I almost died of laughter, and the waiter said: "So be it."

There was also a reverse situation. There is, for example, such an Italian cheese - Grana. This word ends in "a", so it seems to be feminine, and you want to say "la grana". But in fact it is masculine, and one should say "il grana". Once I forgot about it and asked: "Abbiamo la grana?" (“Do we have Grana cheese?”) In Italian, “la grana” means “babos”. And it turned out: “What for the dough?” We were very funny.

Of the difficulties: I realized that it is difficult for me to swear in a foreign language - so that straight from the heart! Even though I speak it perfectly. At such moments, when I get angry, a strong Russian accent breaks through at the first stage. On the second - I switch to my native language.

Russian mat in this sense is very convenient. Even my husband "blinks" sometimes. It's always funny.

But it's hard for us to argue. I think everyone should do it in their own language.

Cultural differences

When Yuri arrived in Russia, he was shocked by our dirty entrances. In Italy, they are considered common territory. Therefore, maintaining the entrance in good condition is the responsibility of all residents, and caring for it is included in utility bills.

If we talk about the kitchen, then a lot of things also seemed incomprehensible to him. Okroshkafor example, he refused to try at all. I threw greens and eggs into what he always thought was yogurt, and then I spilled some mustard in it! It was funny to watch his reaction.

And when we first started dating, I made pasta with salmon according to the recipe of Jamie Oliver. She started to sprinkle it with parmesan, Yuri changed his face dramatically and said: “You can’t add cheese to pasta with salmon! How so? “But that’s what Jamie Oliver advises!” I answered. Jamie Oliver is British! What does he even know about Italian cuisine?”

The Italians have this cultural feature: they jealously protect their cuisine. For example, once my husband was asked: “Italy and France have no physical border as such: no inspection point, everything is the same - the sea, houses... How to understand that you have crossed the line and are in another country?

The husband replied, “It is very easy to understand. When coffee tastes like dirty water, you are in France!”

On the other hand, I drink tea all the time. Probably like all Russian people. Sometimes I make all sorts of teas myself - with ginger, mint, lemon. And I can drink it even in 30-degree heat. In Italy, of course, no one does that. And yes, there is no tea. It's coffee culture. My husband used to tease me. He says: “Yes, of course, why not have some tea? It’s only 30 degrees outside!” And now he drinks it with me all the time!

But my husband really liked the Russian bath. When I introduced him to my parents, dad said: “Let's go to the steam room. But if you feel bad, you tell me! Don't be patient. Bathing should be fun.

As a result, they got out, ran into the snow. Everything seems to be cool, Yuri smiled. And then I asked: “Well, how are you?” He replied: “In fact, I almost died from the heat. But your dad said that he chose the lightest mode for me... Of course, I could not give up on the first day of our acquaintance!

And he was both delighted and shocked that my dad whipped him with an oak broom. Then he even told his friends that this is such a Russian tradition!

Of course, in Italy, a lot of things were a shock for me too. For example, once we gathered together at the lake. I put on some ripped jeans, a sweater with a dog... After all, this is a trip on nature! Represented a lake overgrown with reeds, a picnic ...

And then I look: the husband puts on trousers, a shirt. I say: “So wait, we are going to the lake!” He thought and answered: “Ah, come on casual!” - "Maybe I'll put on a dress?" I ask. And he's like, "No, no. Everything is fine".

But it turned out that this is some kind of gorgeous lake, damn it! Como. A whole town with boutiques and restaurants! And I'm in a sweater with a dog... But in Europe, of course, there is a light, relaxed atmosphere. No matter how you look, you will not be looked askance even in Milan.

Relationships with friends and relatives

We did not encounter rejection from friends and relatives. In fact, there are a lot of Russian-Italian couples in Italy. Perhaps we have some kind of cultural match.

“Mom would be calmer if I married Russian Ivan”

Dating history

Usman and I met in Spain. Both were there on vacation. I immediately drew attention to him. He was very gallant and intelligent: he opened doors, smiled, and asked how I felt. At the bar, Usman treated me to a cocktail, and we had a very warm conversation.

I even had a little culture shock - before that I had only seen such men in films and TV shows.

We exchanged contacts on social networks, but I did not think that this would be some kind of long-term acquaintance. At first, I thought he liked girls from more affluent families, from high society, and I was just temporary entertainment. A holiday romance. And I didn’t need a serious relationship at that moment. I was just looking for a friend.

Secondly, I understood that there is a huge gap between our cultures and mentalities and it hardly makes sense to hope for something more.

However, even after I returned to Russia, we continued to correspond occasionally. Sometimes I was surprised how well he understood me. A couple of months later, Usman wrote that he would come to Moscow. The holiday romance was repeated. When it was time to part again, he offered to meet. I agreed.

The language barrier

Initially, we communicated in English, as both spoke this language fluently. Then I started learning Arabic. And - God! - probably one of the most difficult languages! Although I like the way it sounds.

Sometimes Usman reads poetry to me on it. Including their own. An interesting point: in the culture of the Arab countries, the desert is of great importance. And my last name is Pustynova. When I told Usman about this, he was so inspired that he dedicated a poem to me. There was a line like: “If I have to leave the desert of my native Jordan, it’s only for the sake of my“ desert ”girl.” Now he often repeats that our meeting with him is fate.

It is still difficult for me to express myself in Arabic without mistakes. Usman says I have an accent, even though it sounds cute. So most of the time we keep in touch in English, but sometimes we practice Arabic.

There was a funny incident when Usman invited me to Jordan. There I met his parents. I did not know the language at all then, and he acted as our translator.

We were talking nicely about something, when suddenly I distinctly heard “Mafi” and “Rus” from the lips of his mother. I thought that this was from the category of foreign myths about the "Russian mafia".

This even offended me a little, and I asked Usman to say that I was not a Russian spy. He laughed and explained that "mafi" is a negative particle "not", "no".

Cultural differences

There are many stories about Arabs who keep harems, tyrannize their wives and force them to convert to Islam. But I think they are heavily embellished.

In Amman, the capital of Jordan, you can meet a lot of girls dressing in European style. And I am among them. Of course, when I put on a dress and put on light makeup, I can catch the looks of passing men or hear unequivocal compliments. But usually this does not happen in the presence of Uthman.

Amman is a modern city. I would not say that my life has changed dramatically since I moved here a little less than a year ago.

What came as a shock to me was that many Jordanians are very picky about their own housing. Even in rented apartment there must be at least two rooms. Moreover, they are often richly decorated with decor. This is not a one-room studio with grandmother's repairs on the outskirts of Moscow.

Even here, as in Russia, you can not drink alcohol on the street, although you can buy it easily. But due to religion, Usman drinks quite rarely and only on special occasions. This is probably a little surprising for me: I'm used to the fact that in Russia at any meeting people often drink "for a meeting." It's not like that here.

Relationships with friends and relatives

When our romance was just beginning, I told a friend that I met a man from Jordan. She was skeptical about this and began to tell stories about how Arabs breed Russian women. In fact, I myself was afraid of a dirty trick. In relations with Usman, everything turned out so fabulously that I felt uneasy.

In order not to scare my mother, I did not tell her about this until we started dating. Then, of course, I had to.

At first, my mother was not enthusiastic about our union and sometimes asked: “I hope he doesn’t recruit you anywhere?”

We even quarreled with her about it. But then, when Usman came to Moscow again, it seems that my mother thawed out. At the first meeting, he gave her a huge bouquet of roses, made a compliment in Russian and generally behaved very politely.

Now, when she saw that everything was serious with us, it became easier. She sometimes even asks cutely: “How are Usmanchik doing there?” But it seems that my mother would be calmer if I married the Russian Ivan. I hope the relationship improves over time. In addition, I began to think about how to transport her to Jordan.

The most exciting was the acquaintance with Usman's parents. He warned that his family had progressive views and they were not at all against any of his choices. Now we sometimes go shopping with his mother and prepare food for big holidays. It seems that my parents treat me well, although I'm still afraid to somehow pierce.

Many people ask about religion. In this regard, Usman does not put pressure on me. I think he would be pleased if I also converted to Islam, but so far I am not ready for this. Usman says it should come from the heart and not be done for the sake of another person. And I support this opinion. Even if we get married, I'm unlikely to agree to share his faith.

About the complaisance of Arab wives - I think this is mostly true. Jordan has a patriarchal culture. But I, in principle, am a very calm and family person and I think that my husband is the breadwinner and the head of the house. And I myself really would like to raise children and take care of everyday life. I am currently working as a freelance designer. I like it, but I would hardly want to devote myself to work.

The only thing that worries me sometimes is that many here, including Usman's parents, are waiting for me to give birth to an heir. And I would like a daughter. I read the story of a girl from the UAE. She wrote that she had to give birth four girls until they finally have a son. She faced a lot of pressure from her husband's family.

Not sure if that will be the case for me. In fact, I don't want to believe it. But we have not yet discussed this issue globally, and it seems to me that Usman will be happy with a child of any gender.