How to wean a child from hands without unnecessary stress

Can being in your arms harm your baby?

Physical contact with a parent or other adult who has taken care of a child is a natural needA. E. Bigelow. To have and to hold: Effects of physical contact on infants and their caregivers / Infant behavior and development any baby. Child next to mother sleep soundlyH. Norholt. Revisiting the roots of attachment: A review of the biological and psychological effects of maternal skin-to-skin contact and carrying of full-term infants / Infant behavior and developmentregulates body temperature better and managesEsposito, G., Yoshida, S., Ohnishi, R., Tsuneoka, Y., Rostagno, M. D. C., Yokota, S., et al. (2013). Infant calming responses during maternal carrying in humans and mice / Current Biology with stress.

In the first year of life, frequent stay with the mother helpsE. Anisfeld, V. Casper, M. nozyce. Does infant carrying promote attachment? An experimental study of the effects of increased physical contact on the development of attachment / Child Development form a secure type of attachment. This is a healthy relationship in which the baby is not very worried in the absence of her mother and rejoices at her return.

Lack of physical contact increases the risk of developing restless-avoidant attachment, which in the future may result in difficulty expressing emotions, various psychological problems, and an inability to maintain healthy relations. So you can not be afraid to raise a "manual" baby.

When can you start weaning your baby?

Ksenia Nesyutina says that when the child is 6-8 months old, the mother can begin to leave for her own business. At the same time, the baby must be left with an adult whom he knows well - for example, with relative or babysitter.

It’s worth starting with 30 minutes, and then gradually increase the time of absence. By the age of one, the child can already be left without a mother for 4-5 hours 1-2 times a week.

Short-term absences will be useful for the parent, who can go about her business and take a break from caring for the child, and at the same time do not injure the baby.

Around this time, you can begin not to pick up the child on demand.

How to wean a child from hands without additional stress

It will take a lot of patience and delicacy to get the weaning done well. Get ready to hear your baby crying, talk a lot and calmly and show empathy.

Focus on your business

Ksenia Nesyutina says that when weaning from hands, it is important to redirect attention to your tasks, and not build everything around the needs of the baby.

For example, if the mother is busy - cutting onions or trying to hang curtains - and the child asks to be held, you can finish the job first and only then respond to his demands. Most likely, at first he will actively and loudly protest against the expectation. It is important to spend such moments calmly and without too much fuss. Do not yell at the child, do not scold him or ignore him. Manifest empathy.

Imagine how he wants to be in his arms and how hard it is to wait, because for a one-year-old baby, 10 minutes is an eternity.

Calmly explain to the child that you cannot take him in your arms right now, because you are busy, but as soon as you do your job, he will get what he wants. Over time, he will learn to respond more easily to such delays.

Ksenia Nesyutina does not specifically advise leaving the child alone or not paying attention to him until he calms down. This can be additional stress for both the mother and the baby, who does not understand why she suddenly became indifferent and does not respond to his call.

Teach your child to calm down emotionally, not physically

Some mothers get used to comforting the child only with the help of physical contact. They automatically pick up the baby in their arms, without even thinking about why he is upset, and without trying to calm him with words or a manifestation of sympathy.

For babies, mother's hands are the only way to feel better, but older children may be enough her presence, conversation and minimal physical contact - for example, not strong hugs, but stroking shoulder.

Without having mastered them, the child will hardly calm down without a mother, and she will not always be there.

Gradually introduce new ways to relieve stress. For example, if the child did not hit, but got angry at the toy, try talking to him first, comforting him with words and showing sympathy.

It is important here not to pretend, but to really empathize with the child. It is clear that children's problems like a stubborn pyramid seem insignificant and even ridiculous to you, but you can certainly find similar emotions in yourself if you remember how long it took to assemble a closet or accidentally dropped a freshly cooked one on the floor cake.

Understand how your child is feeling and find the right words to support them. This lays the foundation for the development of emotional intelligenceability to manage your feelings and deal with everyday stress.

But at the same time, do not put strict restrictions on hugs and touches. If a child is physically hurt or ill, picking them up is the most natural thing to do and won't harm your parenting or your relationship.