6 simple practices that will help strengthen relationships with others
Miscellaneous / / February 22, 2022
Try holding hands during fights and asking open-ended questions to others every day.
Carol Brewess
PhD, author of books, speaker at TED conferences.
Most of us intuitively understand that good relationships with others are incredibly important to our happiness and well-being. PhD, Harvard Medical School professor Robert Waldinger spoke in his speechWhat is needed for a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness / TED at TEDx: “People who maintain stronger social ties—with family, friends, their community—are happier; they are physically healthier and live longer than people with weak ties.”
It's not just about family and romantic relationships. Any human interaction counts, from social to professional communication; from interacting with the people you volunteer with on Saturdays to interacting with the person behind you in line.
And even small changes for the better in relationships with others lead to big results. You can start with these six practices.
1. change thoughts
Words matter. And not only those that we say out loud, but also those that remain in our thoughts.
How we evaluate others, their decisions, behaviors, personality traits, and even annoying habits, all affect communication. When talking to a loved one, colleague, or family member, when we say to ourselves, “He likes to be in control so much,” “He never listens to me,” or “He’s so egoist”, we subconsciously begin to look for confirmation of this opinion.
To change the situation, you need to do three things. First, notice when such negative thoughts appear in your head. Secondly, stop yourself in time. Third, replace them with positive words or phrases.
No, I do not encourage you to change your thoughts into false statements, for example, to make the phrase "He always listens to me" from the phrase "He never listens to me." It's about showing understanding - "He is doing everything in his power" or noting that a person is moving in the right direction - "He is only at the beginning of the path."
You will be surprised how quickly the quality of a relationship changes. One of my favorite phrases that I will often repeat to myself is "They may be right." This simple thought discourages me from any desire to win disputes and get involved in them in general. Grab it or choose your "slogan" and then use it as a screensaver, set it as a reminder on your smartphone, or write it down on a sticky note and stick it in a visible place.
2. Create positive moments
Many would like to learnseize the momentand be more involved in what is happening here and now. It turns out that this can be done anytime, anywhere. All you have to do is get the name and thank the consultant who helped you choose the wallpaper for your living room. Or ask how a colleague is doing.
When you share small positive moments with other people, whether it's a warm smile or a glimpse, you are letting positive emotions into your life. It will sound loud, but in such moments you feel love.
Of course, this is not the love that brought Romeo and Juliet together. But this feeling will help you live a long, happy and healthy life. You will start a chain reaction - shared micro-moments of positive with strangers, colleagues and loved ones will turn into a wave of pleasant emotions. And it will have a beneficial effect not only on your life, but also on the lives of those around you.
3. holding hands
When you quarrel with a partner, it is important to remember that, even despite the differences, you are still one team. A good way to remember this is to hold hands right during a fight. ExperimentsB.K. Jakubiak, B.C. Feeney. Hand-in-hand combat: Affectionate touch promotes relational well-being and buffers stress during conflict / Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin showed that such a gesture helps to feel the inner connection and smooths out the destructiveness of the conflict.
If this method doesn't work for you, try creating your own. ritual. For example, interrupt arguments with a 10-second kiss. Or make a fist, and then stick out three fingers: thumb, index and little finger. This non-verbal symbol means "I love you" and can be displayed right during a conflict.
Once I took interviewC. J. S. Bruess. Interpersonal rituals in marriage and adult friendship / Communication Monographs a couple with a very unusual rule - they quarreled exclusively naked. Of course, their disagreements rarely lasted long.
4. Ask open-ended questions
As a social scientist, I have a phrase that particularly annoys me: “Communication is the secret to successful relationships.”
I can't say it's not true at all. But communication is tricky. Not all types of communication have the same value, for example, screams and lies are also communication.
But active listening is among the most underrated methods that help build relationships. To do this, you just need to listen to a person and try to understand him, give him space so that he tells his story, shares his fears, hopes and impressions.
One of the most effective practices you can use to strengthen relationships is to listen more, talk less, and ask open-ended questions. Try to do this at least once a day. Ask a colleague sitting next to you what was the highlight for him this week. Ask a neighbor who walks with dogwhich lifts his spirits. Or ask your child what he wants to do this year.
Then just listen carefully to the answers without interrupting or trying to answer for the other person. This will show others that you really care about them.
5. Schedule time to meet up with friends
Serious relationships require constant investment. Friendship is one of the main components of a happy and long life. Unfortunately, over time, even the strongest connection can come to naught. Especially if it is not supported in any way.
Try to find time every week or month to meet with friends. If you are unable to meet in person, please use Zoom or call. When you are invited somewhere by a person who is not part of your intimate circle, ask yourself: “Will this meeting benefit me and the relationship that I consider valuable?”
This small but regular “investment” of attention is essential to developing and maintaining close relationships.
6. Time to apologize
Many of us at least once in our lives ended a relationship awkwardly and thoughtlessly simply because we are human, which means we are not perfect. Or they ended up on the opposite side - it was not the best way to stop communicating with us. Whichever side we are on, there is still an unpleasant aftertaste associated with the former boss, roommate, ex-partner or someone else.
It's time to finally put an end to it and write a message to the one with whom we ugly cut off communication. Better if apology will be short and simple, and we can do well to take responsibility for mistakes. After all, when we accept our imperfection, we become happier.
If you decide to send a message like this, don't wait for a response. The interlocutor read and reacted? Wonderful! But do not forget that forgiveness is a complex internal process. All you can do for your part is to let go of the unnecessary emotions that are dragging you down and move on.
Read also🧐
- 8 warning signs you're trying too hard to please others
- 6 Common Phrases That Silently Ruin Relationships
- Why we undermine our relationships and how to stop doing it