Where does envy come from and how to deal with it
Miscellaneous / / January 13, 2022
When the success of a neighbor or colleague is more than just news.
Why envy is needed and what it is
Scientists suggest that envy appearedv. S. Ramachandran, B. Jalal. The Evolutionary Psychology of Envy and Jealousy / Frontiers in Psychology thanks to evolution. This feeling was supposed to indicate the vulnerability of a person and motivate him to correct the situation, and therefore increase the chances of survival.
Activates when jealousH. Takahashi, M. Kato, M. Matsuura et al. When Your Gain Is My Pain and Your Pain Is My Gain: Neural Correlates of Envy and Schadenfreude / Science the anterior cingulate cortex, which is also responsible for pain, hunger, sexual satisfaction, and the reward system. That is why a person experiences strong feelings when, for example, he sees a new beautiful car at a neighbor.
Envy pushed primitive people to action: either they took by force what they wanted to possess, or they tried to achieve an equal or higher level on their own. Such aspirations helped
survive and leave offspring. Since then, society has changed a lot, but envy has not disappeared anywhere.Scientists put forwardJ. Lange, A. C. Weidman, J. crusius. The painful duality of envy: Evidence for an integrative theory and a meta‑analysis on the relation of envy and schadenfreude / Journal of Personality and Social Psychology different theories about what this feeling really is. Some view envy as a purely negative emotion that provokes aggressive behavior. Others - as a person's reaction to their own shortcomings. And still others generally talk about the existence of soft (white) and malignant (black) envy.
Some languages even have two separate words for these varieties. For example, zazdrość and zawiść in Polish, or benijden and afgunst in Dutch.
According to the proponents of the latter theory, mild envy bordersN. van de Ven, C. E. Hoogland, R. H. Smith et al. When envy leads to schadenfreude / Cognition and Emotion with admiration and, as they sayN. van de Ven, M. Zeelenberg, R. Pieters. Leveling up and down: The experiences of benign and malicious envy / Emotion some psychologists, can motivate a person. Malignant causes hatred of others or makes you feel unfortunate.
What and who do people usually envy
Envy basically spreadsv. S. Ramachandran, B. Jalal. The Evolutionary Psychology of Envy and Jealousy / Frontiers in Psychology on others who are close to us in status or whose success is expressed in categories that we understand.
For this reason, we react more sharplyR. L. Leahy. Cognitive‑Behavioral Therapy for Envy / Cognitive Therapy and Research on the achievements of others in areas that excite ourselves. For example, an Olympic champion may be the envy of athletes or those who believe they have not achieved similar success in similar age.
Achievements of acquaintances excite usT. Menon, L. Thompson. Envy at Work/Harvard Business Review stronger than unknown bystanders. And we compare ourselves less often with very successful people, because we usually do not consider that we have equal talents or opportunities with them.
Finally, more vivid negative emotions evoke in usv. S. Ramachandran, B. Jalal. The Evolutionary Psychology of Envy and Jealousy / Frontiers in Psychology concrete, not abstract things. We would rather envy an expensive car, a big house, or frequent trips abroad than contemplative happiness.
That is, a former classmate with his Lexus is a more likely target for envy than Elon Musk. We have known the first one for a long time, and he parks the car right under our window, and the second turns over astronomical sums somewhere in North America.
How envy hurts
The benefits of envy, even mild ones, are not very obvious. So, scientists from Germany, Great Britain and Austria analyzedR. Mujcic, A. J. Oswald. Is envy harmful to a society’s psychological health and wellbeing? A longitudinal study of 18,000 adults / Social Science & Medicine questionnaires that 18,000 Australians filled out over eight years. The researchers found no evidence that envy motivates people to change or leads to an increase in psychological or material well-being.
But there are definitely a lot of negative effects generated by this emotion.
It can cause hostility between people
Envy compelsN. van de Ven, M. Zeelenberg, R. Pieters. Leveling up and down: The experiences of benign and malicious envy / Emotion either become better yourself, or do everything to lower the other to your level. This can manifest itself both in minor injections and in outright gloating and aggression. And even between friends may flare upR. Lin, N. de Ven, S. Utz. What triggers envy on Social Network Sites? A comparison between shared experiential and material purchases / Computers in Human Behavior real enmity.
Although aggressive behavior does nothing to help the envious person achieve what he wants, it quenches his malevolence. Thus, American psychologists discoveredD. L. Wann, G. Haynes, b. McLean et al. Sport team identification and willingness to consider anonymous acts of hostile aggression / Aggressive Behaviorthat sports fans sometimes rejoice when an opposing player gets injured.
She can provoke bullying
Envy often becomesS. G. Shamay‑Tsoory, D. Ahronberg-Kirschenbaum, N. Bauminger-Zviely. There Is No Joy like Malicious Joy: Schadenfreude in Young Children / PLoS ONE cause of targeted aggression. In the absence of the opportunity to amuse their gloating by other methods or to get around a competitor in a fair fight, many begin to assert themselves with the help of dirty tricks. In this case, goR. Lin, N. de Ven, S. Utz. What triggers envy on Social Network Sites? A comparison between shared experiential and material purchases / Computers in Human Behaviorbullying and gossip.
She can make people lie
Sometimes those who are jealous in the dark try to improveA. Salerno, J. Lauren, C. Janiszewski. The Bad Can Be Good: When Benign and Malicious Envy Motivate Goal Pursuit / Journal of Consumer Research position not through hard work and self-improvement, but through faster methods. For example, lieb. R. Dineen, M. K. Duffy, C. A. Henle et al. Green by Comparison: Deviant and Normative Transmutations of Job Search Envy in a Temporal Context / Academy of Management Journal about their professional achievements in order to get a higher status job.
It can hurt your career
When a person is obsessed with other people's successes, obsessed with comparisons, he sometimes begins to neglectT. Menon, L. Thompson. Envy at Work/Harvard Business Review their duties and even sabotage the work. For example, ignoring instructions from a colleague who got a promotion. Scandals and unfulfilled duties eventually turn against the envious.
It can lead to stress or depression
Due to strong and frequent bouts of envy, it is able to fallR. L. Leahy. Cognitive‑Behavioral Therapy for Envy / Cognitive Therapy and Research self-esteem, and the person himself may begin to be ashamed of his feelings. Such painful emotions lead to apathy, doubt and isolation - this is a direct path to stress and anxiety. depression.
What to do with envy
It is natural to experience such a feeling, but this does not mean that it is impossible or not necessary to deal with it. Here are some tips for dealing with negative emotions.
Determine what causes jealousy
Understanding the reasons will help you better understand your feelings and respond more calmly to the situation. Blind anger will be replaced by a more rational approach, which will also tell you what to do in order to get what you want.
So tryT. Menon, L. Thompson. Envy at Work/Harvard Business Review determine what exactly you are missing. For example, if you can't afford to travel when a colleague with the same salary does so regularly, find a reason. Maybe he's on everything saves, and therefore he has extra money for travel. Or maybe you have a family and children, while nothing holds him.
Focus on your achievements
Take a break from the accomplishments of others and look at yourself. Think about what makes you proud. You may not have become a boss, but all your colleagues respect you. Or maybe you didn’t achieve great success in sports, but you raised wonderful children.
Such praise will give itselfS. Utz, N. L. Muscanell. Your Co‑author Received 150 Citations: Pride, but Not Envy, Mediates the Effect of System‑Generated Achievement Messages on Motivation / Frontiers in Psychology you motivation and distract from the negative. Because when you look at your own achievementsyou will immediately feelT. Menon, L. Thompson. Envy at Work/Harvard Business Review more self-confident and less envious of others.
Try to build relationships and work more together
As shownA. P. Breidenthal, D. Liu Y. Bai et al. The dark side of creativity: Coworker envy and ostracism as a response to employee creativity / Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes Chinese study, if you actively communicate with people, there will be less reason to envy. And for you, and for them. So if you are promoted, the rest will consider the decision fair - after all, success has not gone to your head. And if your acquaintance rises up the career ladder, then you will probably rejoice for a friend - he is not your rival.
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