How to stop suffering from failure
Miscellaneous / / December 30, 2021
Why do you fail and it never ends
The essence of any failure is that you had to do something, and then did not do what you wanted. For example, they decided to lose weight and lost their diet or were about to get a promotion, but were kicked out of the service.
Without going into details, there are two main criteria for any failure:
1. You have decided that you have to do something.
2. You decided you failed.
The key concept in both paragraphs is your own thoughts on this matter. It is they who determine whether you will classify what happened as a failure and suffer about it or perceive it as another event and do not pay much attention.
In the book "How emotions are born”Professor Lisa Barrett explains how our brain creates experiences for any occasion and how to tune it in such a way as to experience less negativity and more easily cope with unpleasant events in life.
But before we get down to specific advice, let's figure out the theory.
How the brain creates the world around it
The brain, locked inside the cranium, explores the world through the senses. However, there is too much external information, and he is not able to constantly analyze it.
To work faster and spend less energy, from the very first days of a person's life, his brain learns to create predictions or predictions - images of what should be happening.
As a result, he does not have to analyze everything - it is enough to create a simulation and then test it. If everything converges, the template is fixed and used in the future for the same situations.
For example, there are always apples in the fruit department. A glance at the tray of round red objects will tell you it's fruit, not clown noses. If you ever find them there, you won't even notice until you start typing them into a package.
Lisa Feldman Barrett
PhD and professor of psychology at Northeastern University. National Institutes of Health Director's Pioneer Award for Emotion Research, Fellow of the Royal Society of Canada.
Through predictions, your brain constructs the world that you perceive. He connects the pieces of your past and assesses how likely each such piece can be applied to the current situation.
The "visible" world is actually a simulation of the brain, which relies on its own predictions, and then is tested. Exactly the same simulations are the feelings of other people, events and all cultural objects like money, love, success and failure.
However, forecasts are made not only on the basis of external information. Just as important is what happens inside your body - it is this that determines what matters to you in general and what does not.
How the brain chooses what to look for
Every moment the brain receives information about the resources of your body. This is called interoception and includes the presentation of all sensations from internal organs and tissues, hormones in the blood and immunity.
Based on this, the brain creates affect - a feeling that can be pleasant or unpleasant. This is a kind of summary of the events taking place with the body, and a signal about whether something needs to be done or is it so good.
Lisa Feldman Barrett
Affect is constantly present throughout your life, even when you are completely still or asleep. When your brain envisions interoceptive changes, you experience pleasant and unpleasant sensations, excitement and calmness. Affect accompanies you from birth to death.
Having received this information, the brain uses past experiences and predicts exactly what needs to be done to influence the distribution of the body's resources and change affect. For example, eating a chocolate bar to replenish glucose, the need for which has increased from the appearance of an angry boss or other stress.
These objects and events are your affective niche. It includes all concepts that are related to the budget of your body or can affect it in some way. It is these events that trigger your emotional response and make you rejoice and suffer. The rest does not matter and is not taken into account.
Interestingly, people cannot always determine the cause of their affect and begin to perceive it as information about the world, and not about their perception.
This behavior is called affective realism, and it makes judges accept more indictments. sentences before lunch and acquittals - after, and HR - to hire those who came for an interview in sunny day.
“In moments of affective realism, we perceive affect as a property of an object or event in the external world, and not as our own experience,” says Lisa Feldman Barrett.
For example, when you are hungry, even a good friend can be annoying. At that moment, you will really think that he is unbearable, instead of realizing that your hunger is unbearable, and your friend is the same as always.
In the middle of your affective niche there is always your own self. And, like other things that the brain creates, this is nothing more than a concept.
How the brain creates an image of you
Your concept of yourself is a product of the interaction of experience, interoception and the world around you. The same you who is ashamed to speak in public, loves coffee, hates jazz and suffers from self-doubt is not some real thing, but just another brain simulation.
Lisa Feldman Barrett
The fiction about your own "I" is that you have some kind of permanent essence that makes you who you are. This is not true. I am suggesting that your self is being re-constructed at every moment by predictive internal systems as they categorize the continuous stream of sensations from your body and world.
Just remember how awesome you feel when you get public approval or enjoy the pleasurable events of your life. And what a pathetic loser you can seem to yourself when you experience intense physical discomfort (like a hangover) or suffer from another failure.
At the same time, you do not change, only your ideas differ.
How to get rid of the misery of failure
Based on all of the above, you can give some tips on how to get rid of suffering for any reason.
Cross the event out of the affective niche
In most of the times that you get upset, the body is not really in danger, and hypothetical harm only threatens the social reality of your self.
To stop worrying, just remember that the reasons for frustration are money, salary, career, relationships, and you yourself are just concepts.
According to Lisa Barrett, when you categorize something as “this is not about me,” it moves out of your affective niche and has less impact on the allocation of bodily resources.
If the concept stops influencing the allocation of your body's resources, it doesn't matter. Once you understand this, negative emotions evaporate.
Try it now. Take a recent setback and consider whether it really affected the allocation of resources, put your body at risk?
Most likely, this is not so and you were worried about another illusion. Having practiced in this way, you can cross out a lot of negative events from the list.
Train positive predictions
Since your brain's predictions are directly dependent on experience, the more positives there are, the more positive your outlook on the world will be.
Of course, the positives include victories and good attitudes from other people, but the key here is your opinion about it. All these external events only reinforce the concept of your own self. They make you feel good and worthwhile with ease and ease.
At the same time, these thoughts are no more real than your own "I", and therefore you can change them at any moment and regardless of external events, and this will not be a lie.
When you receive an award and think to yourself, "Here I am," this concept is no more real than the same thoughts at any other moment in time. For example, when you are just sitting at the computer or receive a reprimand from your superiors.
These are all just simulations of your brain. This means that you can at any time be a good and worthwhile person or nothing. Optionally. But keep in mind that the more often you are "well done", the more the brain gets used to this image of the social "I".
Lisa Feldman Barrett
Every time you pay attention to positive things, you stimulate your concept system, reinforcing the concepts of these positive things and making them visible in your mental picture of the world.
To feel good about yourself in any situation, build a positive self-concept. I suggest that you cherish and cherish this image, remember it more often and in every possible way accustom the brain to such a vision.
But try to get rid of negative mental gum as soon as possible. By dwelling on these experiences, you are helping the brain create and reinforce another instance of prediction.
Over time, it becomes easier for him to recreate these concepts and use them as templates for nervous activity. As Lisa Barrett put it, every experience you design is an investment, so invest wisely. Cultivate the experience you want to design again in the future.
Take care of your body
This is the last and very logical advice. Since introception directly affects your self-concept, do your best to keep your body happy. Especially when your social self is suffering.
Each organism is individual, but there are general points that are true for everyone:
- Eat right. So that your body is comfortable, it does not feel hunger and unpleasant sensations after eating. Also, try not to borscht with sugar and do not lean on fast food - such foods can lead to diseases, and this will not affect your feelings in the best way.
- Move more. You don't have to exercise, but try to get enough cardio - for example, take walks more often. Physical activity has a huge positive impact on your health, and therefore on your sense of self.
- Get enough sleep. Sleep is very important for the health of the brain and the whole body. Don't neglect it.
- Relax. Go for a massage, meditate, do breathing exercises, run, do yoga - try different ways to relieve tension and choose yours.
Even if you cannot avoid affective realism (and you cannot, at least completely), the world as a whole will become a much more friendly and enjoyable place.
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