Why modest bragging is harmful and how to talk about achievements without falsehood

What is humble bragging

This is an attempt 1. Humblebrag / LEXICO
2. O. Sezer, F. Gino, M. I. Norton. Humblebragging: A distinct — and ineffective - self-presentation strategy / Journal of Personality and Social Psychology disguise boasting with self-criticism or complaints. The real purpose of this behavior is to draw attention to your own accomplishments.

Such statements usually sound like this:

• “I have lost so much weight that my clothes no longer fit. This is terribly annoying! "
• "I hate hearing my voice on TV!"
• "And it's true: the more money, the more problems!"
• “What are my shortcomings? Oh i'm too hardworking…»
• "It's so hard to choose between Gucci and Prada!"
• "I have no idea why I was made Employee of the Month."

Modest bragging meetsO. Sezer, F. Gino, M. I. Norton. Humblebragging: A distinct — and ineffective - self-presentation strategy / Journal of Personality and Social Psychology

everywhere: from everyday life and social media to speaking outJ. Ling. The top five humblebrags from Justin Trudeau's United Nations speech / VICE political leaders.

The term itself (in English - humblebragging) coinedC. Newton. Harris Wittels, Parks and Rec writer who coined 'humblebrag,' dies at 30 / The Verge Comedy writer, screenwriter and producer of Parks and Recreation Harris Wittels. In 2010, he created a Twitter account of the same name, in which he collected posts with modest bragging.

Why do people brag humbly?

They want to sitO. Sezer, F. Gino, M. I. Norton. Humblebragging: A distinct — and ineffective - self-presentation strategy / Journal of Personality and Social Psychology on two chairs. On the one hand, talk about your successes. On the other hand, to appear reserved and polite.

Few people love braggers, but modest ones are treated, if not with respect, then certainly without irritation. Therefore, people can considerO. Sezer, F. Gino, M. I. Norton. Humblebragging: A distinct — and ineffective - self-presentation strategy / Harvard Business School Working Paperthat humble bragging is the best way to avoid criticism and envy.

Why humble bragging doesn't work

People see insincerity. False modesty and veiled bragging annoying much more than blatant bragging.

This is even confirmed by scientific research. Thus, scientists from the University of North Carolina and Harvard Business School conductedO. Sezer, F. Gino, M. I. Norton. Humblebragging: A distinct — and ineffective - self-presentation strategy / Journal of Personality and Social Psychology several experiments to assess the prevalence and effectiveness of humble bragging. In one experiment, students were approached by a person who allegedly collected signatures for a petition. In passing, he mentioned that he was going to Paris on a paid internship. Sometimes the dummy collector just boasted, and sometimes he complained that he could not choose where to go. In the second case, the petition was signed by 20% fewer people.

In another experiment, participants were shown various sayings from Twitter. For example: “When will the maids clean up the mess so that I can play sports? #waste of time". Or: "I have two maids." People were asked to describe their emotions and rate the honesty and competence of the post authors. As a result, most considered humble braggers less knowledgeable and attractive than more outspoken orators.

How to show off without false modesty

To avoid falling into this trap, keep the following in mind.

Be honest

It's okay to share your successes.D. Frye. Why It’s OK to Share Your Success / Psychology Today and even usefulA. R. Roberts, E. E. Levine, O. Sezer. Hiding success / Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. If you are proud of a promotion or a beautiful home, say so. Just try not to hide your feelings behind false phrases, so as not to pass for a sly or a deceiver.

You can doL. K. John. Savvy Self-Promotion / Harvard Business Review emphasis on facts, not emotions. For example, tell how much and how hard you worked for the promotion. Or how much effort it took to build a big house.

Don't forget those who helped you

This is the best way to avoid criticism and at the same time thank loved ones or colleagues. Try to celebrate other people's contributions to your accomplishments. Suppose it would be more difficult to increase sales of the company without the help of other employees, and it would be almost impossible to build a house without the support of the family.

Respect others

Try to be not only honest, but also tactful - it is important to remember the feelings of others. The same events can causeI. Scopelliti, G. Loewenstein, J. Vosgerau. You Call It “Self-Exuberance”; I Call It “Bragging”: Miscalibrated Predictions of Emotional Responses to Self-Promotion / Psychological Science different emotions from different people. The news of the promotion could well have offended a colleague who dreamed of this position. In such a situation, it is better to hold back and share your successes another time.

Remember the relevance

It is worth talking about achievements when it hasL. K. John. Savvy Self-Promotion / Harvard Business Review situation. For example, if you were asked how your work or study is going. Or when other interlocutors are discussing recent purchases or some professional achievements.

You should definitely not artificially translate the conversation to the topic of your promotion or a new spacious home. People will easily notice that you have started asking leading questions or, as it were, accidentally remembering things.

Andrey Vdovenko