Why are we ashamed of what we enjoy and how to deal with it

What is guilty pleasure

It often happens that people are ashamed of their little weaknesses, reproach themselves for them. For example, they suffer because they watch talk shows with "loud" sensations, listen to hits of the 90s, or sometimes eat a whole bucket of ice cream.

There is a special term for this phenomenon - guilty pleasureGuilty Pleasure / Merriam ‑ Webster, that is, "pleasure causing a slight sense of guilt."

Why We May See Normal Things as Shameful

Feelings of guilt can be caused by several reasons. On the one hand, people worry about how others will perceive them, and are embarrassed that supposedly puts them in an unfavorable light. Intellectuals, for example, may hide their love for tabloids or tabloids.

There is no fundamental difference between watching the reality show "The Bachelor" and some kind of sports tournament. However, the former is somehow considered “stupid” and “shameful”, while the latter is normal.

On the other hand, guilt often arises because many media outlets, bloggers and even ordinary people advocate a constant desire for success. For example, stories about failures, but beautiful photographs, which capture the successful moments of life, are available every day. Because of this, there is a feeling that everyone around is doing nothing but traveling or doing sports and self-education.

People begin to constantly compare themselves to others, and the evening on the couch is perceived as a waste of time. As a result, the importance of doing nothing and having fun is underestimated.

Sami Schalk addsM. M. Higgs. ‘Guilty’ Pleasures? No Such Thing / The New York Timesthat such perceptions are rooted in traditional Puritan culture, where pleasure was perceived as sin and self-indulgence.

Why you shouldn't give up guilty pleasures

Your life will only get brighter with them, and here's the proof.

Because we don't know what others really think

Sometimes people are sure that their attitude towards something differs from that accepted by the majority. Therefore, they do not express their opinion. But the problem is that many others do the same. This means that the idea of ​​the thoughts of the majority does not correspond to reality. For example, you might think that people you know think “Playing squid»Overrated, and carefully conceal that you like the show. Hide from people who also secretly love him.

In psychology, this situation is calledS. Van Grootel, C. Van Laar, L. Meeussen et al. Uncovering Pluralistic Ignorance to Change Men’s Communal Self-descriptions, Attitudes, and Behavioral Intentions / Frontiers in Physiology pluralistic, or plural, ignorance.

Because guilty pleasures reduce stress levels

Many of the “shameful” pleasures are not ways to spend time productively, but they help restore psychological resources. For example, shootL. Reinecke. The Use of Video and Computer Games to Recuperate from Stress and Strain / Journal of Media Psychology stress.

So it's okay if you blow off some steam at the console or watch your favorite sitcom for the tenth time to relax. You don't have to be productive all the time; be self-compassionate and allow yourself to enjoy your vacation.

Because guilty pleasures help the brain reboot

When we have free time, for some reason we believe that we should use it productively, and instead of relaxing, we are engaged in solving accumulated problems. For example, completing a quarterly report or paying bills.

According toM. M. Higgs. ‘Guilty’ Pleasures? No Such Thing / The New York Times Christine Neff, associate professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, this strategy is useful for survival, but not very suitable if you want to be happy.

So let's take some rest. Even if for this you need to spend an aimless evening in front of the TV. This will help you reboot your brain so that it can work more efficiently later.

Because guilty pleasures help you enjoy life

Unjustified feelings of guilt can make us deny ourselves what we really want: spend the weekend lying on the couch or treat ourselves to delicious but unhealthy food. Thus, we deprive ourselves of positive emotions, and this is negativeK. D. Le Nguyen, B. L. Fredrickson. Positive emotions and well-being / D. S. Dunn. Positive psychology: Established and emerging issues affects our mental state.

Yes, guilty pleasures won't make you millionaire or a supermodel, but will give you a sense of calm and satisfaction.

Because guilty pleasures help make connections

Being able to talk openly with others about what we enjoy is more than just a pleasant way to pass the time. Don't underestimate the communication that comes with people who share our “shameful” interests. It helps to get rid of remnants of guilt and broaden our horizons, to find something new that can please us.

Because guilty pleasures help you accept yourself

Cultural anthropologist Susan Kresnicka writesS. Kresnicka. Why we should stop feeling guilty about doing things that we enjoy / Fast Companythat guilty pleasures remind us of our individuality, help us accept it, get to know ourselves better and love. They also make it clear that everyone deserves attention and care.

Because guilty pleasures help to limit yourself

Oddly enough, this is so. Feelings of guilt canK. Goldsmith, E. Kim Cho, R. Dhar. When Guilt Begets Pleasure: The Positive Effect of a Negative Emotion / Journal of Marketing Research increase attraction to what causes it. So, a person who limits himself to sweets, having eaten a piece of cake, often cannot stop. The one who adheres to a diet, but does not blame himself if sometimes breaks it, less often 1. C. E. Adams, M. R. Leary. Promoting Self-Compassionate Attitudes Toward Eating Among Restrictive and Guilty Eaters / Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology
2. R. G. Kuijer, J. A. Boyce. Chocolate cake. Guilt or celebration? Associations with healthy eating attitudes, perceived behavioural control, intentions and weight-loss / Appetite breaks down on unhealthy food. This means that in order to achieve something, it is not necessary to always keep yourself in a black body.

How to enjoy your guilty pleasures

In order not to suffer from small weaknesses, you need to fight prejudices. And not only with the public, but also with our own.

So accept yourself. Admit that you have guilty pleasures, but there is nothing shameful about them. Indeed, more often than not, the feeling of guilt is caused by rather insignificant "offenses" that other people probably commit.

Of course, not everyone can be prepared for the fact that a brutal man secretly watches tearful melodramas. But truly close and understanding people will not love you less for such “weaknesses”. Hence, there is no point in being ashamed of them.

However, keep in mind that not all pleasures are harmless, and everything should be in moderation. For example, a sweet tooth canThe sweet danger of sugar / Harvard Health Publishing turn into heart disease, and innocent watching videos with cats - turn into a real addiction, which does not allow to live and work normally. Therefore, you need to encourage only those "secret passions" that do not harm you and your loved ones and which you can control.