Why is it important not to interrupt the other

Tell me, you like it when you interrupt? And what do you do as interrupting others? Ask yourself mentally question why you do it. Most likely, the answers will be about such:

• I find it interesting to communicate.
• I support the call.
• I'm afraid to forget what he wanted (and) to say.

I do not propose to discuss the error in communication. I want everyone who reads this article, taken out for yourself the simple truth - you need people around you, and you need them. But you will not be able to find common ground, until you learn to listen.

A case from one's life

Let's start with the living example. I never bother if I interrupted the course of conversation. Irritated, of course, but it can not be helped, she sinned this. And then one day so firmly crush. My future guy was smart, straightforward and harsh programmer. Komsomolets, athlete and just beautiful. While my stomach butterflies, and the brain was dissolved in a pink mist, I listened to a guy with awe, and only nodded. A week passed, a month, six months. The fog cleared, butterflies in my stomach began to breathe a little, and was revived in me the desire to feed their small, but still the ego. My remarks started to develop into a monologue, and then I discovered that I was interrupted. At what with some enchanting impertinence. I caught myself on the fact that I was starting to talk again five times, because the guy is still regularly remember something, and be sure to immediately tell me about it. Not out of malice, just now so he is. I very rarely possessed rage. But then I felt that neillyuzorno want to shove a gag in his mouth and tie stuff in the closet. And so there he paused for a couple of hours. And then I finally thought. Not on how to re-Man. I thought about how we really need to know that we are listening and

hear. And not just looking for an excuse to extend the sound waves.

Who are all these people?

If you still belong to the dark side of power and think that interrupt - it's cool and it's great, I remind you of what's going on with you and your interlocutor during conversation. Here you have something to tell. Important to your buddy story. Maybe something about it, and very few people can tell. And you can. Suddenly, one of his phrase evokes in you a memory. This vivid and memorable, just a sin not to tell. Or graceful remark is witty, that certainly need to show off. You do not listen. You think about your history and immersed in nostalgia. You hone in mind a witty phrase, trying not to forget. Wait until the other person finishes. Waiting with impatience and annoyed when he continued to speak. When finally the bastard deign to shut up, you did not even express any emotion about the history, and immediately begin to respond to the words: "By the way, remember a funny story ...". And you know what? It is felt. And it is, at best, just unpleasant. And at worst - it is very painful and sad. Are you sure you want to do hurt people?

Ability to listen - not science fiction

Let's start with the simple fact that there are still heroes in the earth Russian there are still people who know how to listen. They are small, and therefore it is a precious skill is appreciated like an endangered Amur tiger. I have such friends and relatives will be typed on the strength of a dozen, almost all 30+ years old. Talking with them, I avert my soul. They are all distinguished by several features:

• When talking with others, they will not hurry. They are carefully and thoughtfully listen to you, and do not behave as if after 5 minutes come to an end.
• They react to the course of your story and sincerely empathize.
• They will never inserted in the middle of your own speech replica.
• They express their opinion about your story, help advice.
• If still there is hot debate, and they want to sound a timely argument, they either raise their hand or politely take an interest if you can kill.

So, after all, can control yourself and not to upset others?

Why do we want to say so much?

In fact, we do not need someone else's opinion or advice. We need to speak out.

While chronically. We need to note the recognition of our credibility, competence, dominance. Our need to feed, frankly, snickering ego. And even if a person's ability is very mediocre, he wants to assert himself, thrusting his useless penny wherever falling. And folk wisdom "Shut up - a clever thou shalt" such individuals is not a decree.

And why do we want to say when it came?

That's right - we are afraid to lose the idea. There are several, as it seems at first glance, just reasons why interrupt others like it is not so bad. Arguments easy check on the adequacy of the broke and were regular excuses for lazy human brain.

1. I forget what I wanted (and) say

Collective delirium that is transmitted by airborne droplets. All of that, in the last stage of Alzheimer's polls? I personally still can be fixed in memory what I want to say on the matter, to do this when the source completes. And no particularly outstanding intellectual ability is not necessary for this.

How I do it

If you need some time to remember the information, distraction. I have enough for a few seconds to mentally shut out of the conversation, to adhere to the cerebral cortex imaginary article "Tell about the history of Lviv." And tell her afterwards without any problems.

By the way, about the birds

And you do not occur to you that while you quickly insert a remark, in fact, your partnerHe forgets what he said. Or simply lose the mood and crush to say anything. As the saying goes, "The road spoon for dinner."

2. I find it interesting to communicate with you, so I kept up the conversation

Understand, finally, no one needs pustoslovnoe "maintenance call". I'm not talking about sealing the awkward pauses speak, but about your communication with people who you really road - favorite boys, girls, husbands, wives, children, mothers, fathers, friends, good friends and old Colleagues. Yes, a stranger can feel the sympathy for 5 minutes of talk time. They do not need a nod, and you. Your attention, participation, empathy, just an opinion, after all. "Keep talking," can in line for coffee. And people, in which your whole life, you need to be a little more careful.

How I do it

When I started to pay attention to his manner of speaking, we first developed a convenient and clear for themselves welcome. And called it "Meditation on the interlocutor." It lies in the fact that at that moment, until I said something, I focus on his interlocutor. More than anything in this world for me does not exist, except for a man who shares with me something. I delved into his problem, history, experiencing with him. I try to feel what he feels. All that comes to my mind in the course, I save on the shelf and took notes. It is, frankly, quite difficult. I am the same person, like everyone else, I want to share. But I try to realize that this can be done later. When the source has finished. When we completely exhaust the issue, I will proceed to his story. The impossible is possible;)

3. OK, well, then who will listen to me?

They say we can not listen to the other, until we will be heard. Fair, everyone wants to be understood, otherwise it would not exist in nature, psychologists, psychiatrists, and others of that ilk. But take my word, if you will listen sincerely someone he's just as happy to listen to you. And let's not venturing debates on who should be the first to hear. People - this is not the chickens and eggs, after all. People - people. Let's try to be. Suddenly you get?