Why it is useful to be silent in negotiations. But no more than 9 seconds

When talking about effective negotiations, people usually envision a vigorous exchange of arguments. And pauses in conversation are perceived as something wrong. As if the parties have nothing to say to each other.

However, this is a misconception. In fact, moments of silence are what allows the parties to talk more meaningfully and increases the chances of reaching a compromise.

Why shut up

In a recent studyCurhan Jared R., Overbeck Jennifer R., Cho Yeri Zhang, Teng Yang Yu. Silence is golden: Extended silence, deliberative mindset, and value creation in negotiation / Journal of Applied Psychology, published in the American Journal of Applied Psychology, scientists tried to figure out whether there is the difference between active negotiations without pauses and negotiations during which the parties from time to time fell silent. And they found this:

Pauses longer than 3 seconds, perceived as prolonged silence, significantly improved the quality of negotiations.

This means that the interlocutors ended up better choosing words and arguments to defend their own position. In addition, they used silence to cope with the first emotions, and then logically comprehend the opponent's arguments and try to accept his point of view. As a result, both sides understood each other better. And it was easier to find a compromise.

The researchers named the optimal pause duration - not less than 3, but not more than 9 seconds. Too short a silence will not allow you to properly think about a difficult question. And a protracted one can cause bewilderment to the opponent.

But duration is not the only thing to consider when shutting down in the negotiation process.

How to make your pause as productive as possible

Here are some tips from study author Jared Kurhan on the benefits of pauses.

1. Consider national characteristics

The rule "not less than 3, but not more than 9 seconds" was derived from the analysis of negotiations in the English-speaking communities of the United States. In other cultures, there may be a different attitude towards pauses.

For example, in Japan, the norm isCan Silence Close a Business Deal? You Bet — Here’s How / Inc. long silence, especially when it comes to difficult business negotiations. Such pauses can drag on for many minutes. As a rule, the Japanese become silent just before the conclusion of the deal - in order to finally think over all the details before putting their signature on the contract. If you break this silence, the Japanese will decide that you have not yet discussed everything, and the negotiations can drag on indefinitely.

In Japan, the love for pauses in conversation is reflected in the concept of haragei. It suggests that the best communication is when you don't say anything at all, that is, you understand each other without words.

In the Netherlands, on the other hand, they can't stand long pauses. For example, a 2011 study reportsNamkje Koudenburg, Tom Postmes, Ernestine H. Gordijn. Disrupting the flow: How brief silences in group conversations affect social needs / Journal of Experimental Social Psychology: if the conversation is stopped for more than 4 seconds, the average Dutchman feels rejected, they do not want to communicate with him. This can destroy mutual understanding.

2. Explain to the interlocutors what is happening

Silence is a powerful weapon. By taking a break, you can deal with emotions and start thinking logically. But if you are communicating with a representative of a culture in which prolonged silence looks awkward, then there is a risk that the interlocutor will subconsciously see you as an enemy.

To prevent this from happening, before each pause, do not forget to explain to your counterpart what is happening. Say, "I need a minute to think." Or: "Let me comprehend what was said." This will prevent silence from interrupting the dialogue.

3. Encourage others to pause

You, too, are interested in the interlocutor being able to keep quiet and rationalize your words. This is likely to make the negotiations more mutually beneficial. But there are two points here.

On the one hand, your opponent may be wary of pausing so as not to look like they are stumped. On the other hand, he, on the contrary, can remain silent for too long, due to which you will already feel discomfort.

There is a general solution for both situations. It consists in a simple phrase: "I understand, you need to think." Learn to say it when there is an awkward, in your opinion, break in the conversation. It will allow both parties to the negotiations to feel more at ease.