5 good intentions that can end badly

1. Help if not asked

You talk to your friend, and he complains that he cannot find a good job or, for example, is tired of being alone. You treat this person well and take their complaints as a request for help. And then you rush to attach him to the office with your friends or try to set him up with lonely girlfriends.

Further, the scenario can develop in different ways. There is a small chance that the person really wanted you to help, but was afraid to ask for it - and then he will be grateful. But there is another possibility: the acquaintance will think that you perceive him as a weakling, unable to solve his problems, and will be offended. Or, under pressure, he will agree to a job that you have found, and then it will be joyless to go there, suffer and sharpen a grudge against you.

So it's better to ask the person directly and do not insist on your participation in his life, even if you are very worried. Otherwise, it will turn out that you are forcibly doing good and doing good.

2. Be someone else's vest

Sometimes everyone wants to share their problems with another person: to talk about how everything got tired, how unfair life is, how the boss offended, and the children worn out all their nerves. But there are people who complain constantly.

And they choose someone patient, kind-hearted and dependable as their free ears.

It would seem that there is nothing wrong with that, people should support each other. But first, by regularly “working with a vest,” you waste time and energy and drain your mental resources. And if you don't have very many of them, this will bring you closer to emotional burnout. Second, chances are that you only make things worse.

Instead of pulling himself together and changing something, the person over and over again pours the negative onto the one who is willing to listen. And as a result, it remains in the same positions. Therefore, if you find yourself in a similar situation, it may be worth cutting back on communication.

3. Sacrifice oneself

For example, over and over again cancel their affairs in order to rush to someone to help. Give up your hobbies or careers because the other does not like it a person or goes against his plans.

Yes, sometimes sacrifices and compromises are indispensable. But if someone is constantly giving in, this may be a sign of a codependent relationship. The people who are drawn into them - spouses, friends, parents and their grown children - take turns playing the roles of aggressor, victim, or savior.

As a result, the savior risks losing himself completely.

And the victim gets used to constantly solving problems for her, and becomes completely helpless. Or he even begins to treat the savior as a consumer, takes his kindness for granted and sits on his neck.

Relationships should not be one-sided and consist only of sacrifices and concessions. If this happens to you, it may be worthwhile to understand the reasons - for example, see a psychotherapist.

4. Lend

Especially if this happens all the time, and your debtor is not the most responsible person. There are people who always get into loans and get stuck in some kind of stories - but then they are not averse to shooting some money from compassionate relatives and friends.

This does not lead to anything good. A person gets used to the fact that someone will definitely help him out, and relaxes. He does not solve his problems, does not learn to manage personal finances, does not look for a more responsible and highly paid job.

And the worst thing is that it continues to use you as a bank providing long-term interest-free loans.

Of course, there are situations when a person is in trouble and he really needs help, including financial. But if it's about who wastes money, does not want to work and treats life too lightly, it is worth thinking 10 times before lending to him.

5. Work for free

You know, all these "you are an artist, draw", "you are a doctor, consult", "you have a car, give me a ride." Free of charge, of course. And it’s one thing if we are talking about close people or friends - but there are freeloaders who do not appreciate other people's work, but love to receive services for nothing. And systematically.

It is quite possible that you think that helping with an acquaintance will be right. But in the end you wasting your time and emotions, you miss interesting projects and lose money. And you hardly get at least sincere gratitude for all this. In addition, you accustom a person to the idea that you can not pay for services, and you devalue not only your work, but also the work of other specialists.

Everything is good in moderation. If someone repeatedly asks you to work for him for free, and without urgent need, with such charity, it may be time to end.