Domestic violence in self-isolation: why it occurs and how to escape

Anastasia Babicheva

Project Manager "Knowledge will stop gender-based violence».

This message was sent to me on March 21 by one of the clients of our project. Alas, it hasn't become unique.

Every day we receive new messages from people facing the problem of violence. During the period of self-isolation, that is, from about mid-March 2020, such requests increased by about 20%. In most cases, we are talking about violence by the husband or partner in relation to the wife or partner, but there are other scenarios. For example, one girl was beaten by her uncle, another victim was raped by her nephew.

Not only our project has faced a sharp increase in the number of appeals on the problem of domestic violence. For example, the centers "Anna" and "Kitezh" also say

Why is this happening

Increased aggression is a natural mental response to an alarming situation. Most of us are deprived of the usual way of life, the level of stress grows, someone loses their jobs, we all face fresh challenges and the need to solve new problems. People seek to fill the social vacuum that has arisen by resorting to alcohol- and often in the scenario of domestic violence, it is he who is present as a catalyst for aggression. For example, one of the women who turned to the center for help reported that with the introduction of restrictive measures, her an adult son, who already drinks often, began to resort to alcohol more often and began to behave more aggressively.

There are two more reasons for the increase in aggression in close relationships, specific to the conditions of self-isolation.

Tatiana Loshchinina

Psychologist of the project “Knowledge will stop gender-based violence”.

First, most of us are uncomfortable for a long time in only one or two social roles - wife, mother, child, or husband. There comes an "overdose" of the emotions that are inherent in these roles. You can get tired of even affection in 24/7 mode, let alone the relationship in which we are fixed on negative feeling. For example, the relationship between the aggressor and the injured party can be tinged with strong feelings of guilt.

Second, self-isolation has taken away our ability to solve relationship problems through avoidance. It is more difficult for us to distance ourselves, be alone with ourselves, let off steam, or distract ourselves from actual experiences in familiar ways, for example, by changing the environment.

What to do if the situation is threatened with violence

In order to take timely measures to ensure your own safety, it is important to recognize the situation of violence before it becomes overtly dangerous.

There are a number of so-called red flags - alarms that can warn that relationships are violent. Be careful if your partner:

• tries to speed up the development of relationships without mutual desire (for example, insists on sexual intimacy against your will);
• shows jealousy, wants to control your life tends to limit your external contacts;
• systematically shifts responsibility for what is happening (for example, in conflict situations he never admits that he is right, tends to blame everyone around);
• often humiliates, emphasizes his own superiority, including in the presence of other people;
• under the influence of emotions, he behaves destructively (throws and breaks things, takes out aggression on animals, other people);
• denies feelings and facts that are important to you, makes you doubt your own adequacy (this behavior is called gaslighting);
• engages in sexual activity without mutual desire (from watching pornography to any form of forced sex);
• resorts to minor forms of physical violence (grabs hands or hair, strangles, covers his mouth with his hand, may push or slap).

If you find the situation threatening, or if you have experienced physical abuse and are afraid of repetition, the following simple but very important steps should be taken.

Firstly, you need to prepare in advance the so-called alarm bag with the things you need to in an emergency to leave the house quickly: first of all, documents, spare keys, medicines, a certain amount of money, personal belongings first necessity.

Secondly, it is important to always have a charged phone with you. If aggressor limits the possibility of communication for you, then try to get a second mobile phone, even the simplest one: put it on silent mode and hide it in a place that only you know. It is good if the phone will be stored in a room that is locked from the inside: for example, in a bathroom or toilet room. So in case of danger, you can hide from the aggressor and call the police.

You should also negotiate with loved ones about words that will mean that you are in danger. It can be a neutral text: if a loved one hears it on the phone, sees it in a message or on your social media page, then he will understand that you need help. If possible, talk to your neighbors that when they hear screams behind the wall, they should call the police.

If you understand that an act of violence can occur, go to bed dressed if possible and put children in their clothes to sleep.

What to do if violence is already happening

Unfortunately, self-isolation is dangerous because you can be trapped in the same territory with the aggressor. Therefore, we will also discuss the steps that should be taken if violence is already being committed.

Tatiana Push

Social consultant of the project “Knowledge will stop gender-based violence”.

• If you are fleeing an act of violence, do not run to the kitchen - this is too dangerous a place in an already dangerous situation. There are too many stabbing, cutting, and other items that can be used against you.
• If you understand that the situation is threatening your life, try any action that will distract attention of the aggressor and will give you the opportunity to break out of the trap: break a vase, drop a heavy object, start sing. Do whatever it takes if it helps you win a few seconds.
• If you broke into the entrance, then shout "Fire!" This will attract the attention of your neighbors and give you a chance to break free.
• Remember that in the event of domestic violence, you can leave the house even in self-isolation - this situation is a threat to life and health. You have the right to seek medical attention, walk to the police station and write a statement.

If you have suffered from violence, be sure to contact a medical facility and the police.

When calling the police, be clear about what happened, do not use euphemisms or soft language: not "raised his hand" or "used physical violence", but "beat", "hit", "threatened to kill" and so on Further. The wording may determine how the police will react to your appeal: it is important that it is accurate and describes the act falling under this or that article.

While you are waiting for the police and / or an ambulance, call your friends, relatives and ask for help: accompany you to the station or hospital, look after the children, give you the opportunity to temporarily live in another place.

When ambulance or police officers arrive, try to keep your composure - this is very important, because the outcome of the situation largely depends on the sequence of your actions.

If you are physically injured, you will need to go to the hospital for an examination. If, according to its results, you are recommended to outpatient treatment (without hospitalization), it too it is necessary to pass: depending on this, the crime may be classified in different ways in the future aggressor. Be sure to keep all medical reports, appointments, prescriptions, receipts and similar documents. Write an application for the issuance of certified copies of documents that remain in the hospital (primarily medical card), - they will also come in handy in the police and court as evidence.

In a hospital or emergency room, be sure to tell under what circumstances you were injured, by whom the beatings were inflicted, when and where.

It is necessary to show all bodily injuries, report all pain sensations and complaints, even if the beatings, in your opinion, left no traces.

If possible, describe your psychological state as well - it will also be recorded in the medical record. Make sure the doctor correctly and thoroughly describes all injuries and records all facts. Get a certificate stating that you applied to a medical facility: it must contain the date of the visit, medical record number, name doctor, print.

If possible, take pictures of the beatings in the presence of one or two witnesses. Write down what technical device was used to shoot, the date, time and location of the shooting, as well as the names and addresses of the witnesses.

Unfortunately, the question of whether it is worth contacting the police and why it is necessary for many remains unclear. Let's analyze it in more detail.

Why and how to contact the police

Why contact the police

Contacting the police is a mandatory response. Why? First, any violence must lead to accountability. The illusion of impunity (“I don’t care for it”) is a very dangerous thing that unties our hands and only leads to an aggravation of the situation.

Secondly, the attention of the police will distract the aggressor from pursuit victims, will shift the focus of his attention to possible responsibility.

And finally, security starts tomorrow today: domestic violence often escalates, therefore, fixing beatings or any other violent actions is a certain insurance for future. Any specialist working with the problem of violence will give more than one example when violence that lasts for years, but is not confirmed by anything, is not only remained unpunished, but also led to the fact that the aggressor won the courts on issues of common property, child custody, self-defense, and so on Further.

Timely contacting the police is a necessary step to prevent this from happening.

Unfortunately, the reality is that many people find reporting to the police pointless and useless. For example, the absence of criminal punishment for the first episode of beatings often raises the question: why also pay a fine from family budget? But of fundamental importance is not the financial burden, but the fact of recording beatings, creating precedent, on the basis of which the next time the aggressor will already be punished with the severity of a criminal code.

How to apply

As mentioned above, if you have experienced beatings, first of all, be sure to go to the hospital to fix this fact (even if the physical consequences, in your opinion, are insignificant). From the hospital, information will certainly be sent to the police, and they will not be able to ignore the official report of the violence. In addition, medical documents will become your proof in court.

You can apply to the police online, it will definitely be considered. For this you need:

• go to the official website of the Ministry of Internal Affairs at the place of residence (enter in a search engine, for example, "Ministry of Internal Affairs Voronezh");
• go to the section "For citizens" or similar;
• open the "Receive requests" and use the "Submit request" function.

Attach all available evidence, such as medical records or testimony, to the electronic application.

If you decide to go to the police station, if possible, ask someone close to accompany you. And make sure that the appeal is registered in the Crime Reporting Book (CUSP), you should be issued a receipt for the application.

What to do if the application is not accepted

If, for some reason, the department does not accept the application or does not issue an admission receipt, politely ask the officer on duty to show your ID. Be sure to record the full name and title of the employee, the time of your contact. Next, let us know that you intend to appeal his actions.

After that, directly from the department, call 112, the hotline of the prosecutor's office or the investigation committee and report the violation. You can also apply to the prosecutor's office at the location of the police department, which refused to accept the application. It is best when there are witnesses of the refusal (therefore it is worth taking someone close to you) or refusal recorded on a camera or dictaphone (you can politely ask the police officer to repeat the refusal by turning on record).

The prosecutor's office will check and, after the fact of refusal to accept the application is established, will take appropriate measures. The employee guilty of this action will be involvedOrder of the Ministry of Internal Affairs of Russia dated 01.03.2012 N 140 "On approval of the Administrative Regulations of the Ministry of Internal Affairs of the Russian Federation for the provision of public services for the reception, registration and permission in the territorial bodies of the Ministry of Internal Affairs of the Russian Federation of statements, messages and other information about crimes, administrative offenses, incidents " to disciplinary responsibility. Also, in the prosecutor's office, you can submit the application itself, which you were denied at the police station.

How to deal with your own aggression

We are also contacted with such requests, and this is absolutely normal. If you are experiencing aggression but would not like it to harm others, there are some simple guidelines. Let's consider them using the example of a situation when you were waiting for a loved one who was late without warning, and started get nervous.

Anastasia Polyaeva

Psychologist of the project “Knowledge will stop gender-based violence”.

• Try breathing slower first. Take a deep breath and try to exhale longer than inhale. Feel your body.
• It is important to be aware of the emotions you are experiencing (anger, anger, fear, powerlessness, anxiety, irritation, or others), and say about it: “I am very anxious and angry when you are more than 15 minutes late without warning me about this ".
• Become aware of how you feel at body level (for example, jaw tightness, fists clenching, blood rushing to your face, heart beats often, breathing is intermittent), and mentally tell yourself about this: "I feel tension in my arms and shoulders."
• Realize what is the cause of aggression, what it signals. And voice it: “I have to wait and waste time, and it is dear to me. This is a violation of my personal boundaries. "
• Then it is important to determine what you would like to do now (yelling, slamming the door, banging your fist on the table) and what you in reality you do: “I want to leave without waiting for you, or say rude things, but our relationship is dear to me. I understand that you can not guess how painful your lateness is for me, so I share my feelings with you. "
• Finally, it is important to formulate your expectation or wish, for example: "I ask you to try not to be late without warning." Even if you say all this only to yourself, it will become easier for you, because you will control your aggression, not she you.

This self-help in dealing with your own aggression can be helpful if you are willing to accept responsibility and have a desire to prevent violent behavior.

The general recommendation, which is relevant both during the period of self-isolation, and at any other time, in any situation, is not to be silent, ask for help. Our project, like other projects and organizations, continues to provide free assistance to those who need it. Free psychological or legal advice can be obtained online, even in the format of correspondence. Take care of yourself!